


The End and What Comes After

by RedPen



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2011-02-14
Updated: 2011-11-03
Packaged: 2017-10-15 16:11:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 33,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/162552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RedPen/pseuds/RedPen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The trolls never played Sgrub, and now as they come of age they must face adulthood in a violent interplanetary empire.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

cuttlefishCuller [CC] began trolling caligulasAquarium [CA]

CC: -----ERIDAN!  
CC: Are you awake??  
CA: no fef im typin in my sleep  
CC: )(ee )(ee, yea)(, I guess t)(at was a dumb question!  
CC: W)(y are you online in t)(e middle of t)(e day, anyway?  
CA: wwell off the top a my head id say its probably for the same reason you are  
CC: I can't even t)(ink about sleeping, I'm sooooo -EXCIT-ED for tonig)(t!  
CC: glub glub! 38)  
CA: yeah glub glub  
CA: i get that its exciting  
CA: im excited too  
CC: O)( PL-EAS-E I am at least ten times as -EXCIT-ED as you!  
CC: I just want to glub about it to everybody!  
CC: It's like our w)(ole lives )(ave been leading up to t)(is  
CC: ON-E  
CC: -EXCITING  
CC: MOM-ENT!!  
CC: GLUB!  
CC: O)( my gos)(, do you think t)(e s)(ips are in orbit above us RIG)(T NOW?  
CA: wwell probably fef i mean they gotta be here tonight  
CC: -Eridan, you're the silly guy w)(o lives up top!  
CC: Go look out your window RIG)(T NOW and see if you can see t)(em!  
CA: come on its fuckin bright out  
CC: I know!  
CC: But I'm so excited just t)(inking t)(at t)(ey could be above our )(eads at t)(is very moment!  
CC: Getting ready to land and take us away into t)(e fleet!  
CC: We're adults now -Eridan! I feel so grown up!  
CA: me too fef  
CA: look at us wwere gonna be the top of the fuckin neww wworld order here  
CC: O)( G-E-EZ-E  
CA: i mean your empress thing not my genocide thing  
CC: 38P You always mean your genocide t)(ing!  
CC: It is pretty muc)( t)(e ONLY T)(ING you ever talk about!  
CA: wwell this time im talkin about your empress thing  
CA: givve me some credit here fef i knoww wwhats important  
CC: Ok, sorry! Glub.  
CA: glub glub  
CA: dont mean im not excited about the rest of it though  
CA: wwho wwouldnt get excited im gonna be the best general in the fleet i already knoww that  
CC: You sure will!  
CA: aint evven wworried about it  
CA: im gonna be out there conquerin wworlds like i wwas alwways hatched to  
CC: See -Eridan, t)(at is your genocide t)(ing.  
CC: You are talking about your genocide t)(ing RIG)(T AFT-ER you said you weren't going to talk about your genocide t)(ing!  
CA: wwhy are wwe callin it a thing  
CA: it aint really a thing  
CC: You called it a t)(ing first!  
CA: anywway im goin to be conquerin planets for you fef  
CA: buildin up the empire for your empress thing  
CC: Well maybe I don't want to build up my empire like t)(at!  
CC: I t)(ink t)(ere is probably a better way to go about it!  
CA: yeah invvite evveryone in and take all the fun outta bein a wwar hero wwhy dont you  
CC: It will still be fun!  
CC: You'll just be defending t)(e empire instead of actively expanding it!  
CC: T)(at is still fun and important!  
CA: wwhatevver  
CC: >38( W)(AT WAS T)(AT MIST-ER G-EN-ERAL!!!  
CA: wwhatevver you say miss empress  
CA: i livve to servve you i guess  
CC: )(a )(a t)(at's better! 38)  
CC: If you're going to be a really good conquerer t)(en you s)(ould remember t)(at your duty is to your empress!  
CC: And t)(at's me!  
CC: W)(IC)( IS -EXCITING!!  
CA: yeah wwell at least try to start a wwar wwith somebody once in a wwhile  
CA: givve me somethin to do  
CC: You are terrible!  
CC: As your new empress I am making a decree that you )(ave to stop being terrible!  
CC: )(-E )(-E  
CA: fef i dont think the empress is supposed to giggle wwhen shes givin orders  
CC: O)( you don't know anyt)(ing!  
CC: I decree t)(at t)(e empress must ALWAYS giggle w)(en giving orders! )(A )(A )(A  
CA: reel dignified fef  
CC: )(ee )(ee glub! 38)  
CA: glub glub  
CC: Glub glub glub glub glub!  
CC: -Eridan I am just clownfis)(ing around wit)( you!  
CC: You are going to be a great general and I'm reely glad you're on my side!  
CC: I don't t)(ink I would be able to do t)(is wit)(out your seaport.  
CA: wwell fef im glad to hear you say that  
CA: you can alwways rely on me im selfless like that  
CC: Actually t)(ats kind of w)(y I wanted to talk to you today.  
CC: I am reely excited!  
CC: But I t)(ink I mig)(t also be a little bit scared!  
CA: wwait is this gonna be about feelings  
CC: Yes -Eridan, you are not t)(e only one w)(o )(as t)(em!  
CC: And as my moirail I t)(ink it is your job to listen to me w)(en I )(ave lots of feelings!!  
CA: aint it a little early for this  
CA: the fuckin suns still up an im tired  
CC: We are bot)( too excited to sleep! Glub!  
CC: G-ET IN YOUR WAND PIL-E MIST-ER!!  
CA: ok wwhatevver go ahead  
CC: ok! 38)  
CC: I am a little bit scared about growing up.  
CC: And about being away from Gl'bgolyb for t)(e first time.  
CC: And especially about being t)(e empress!  
CC: I don't know if I'm strong enoug)( to overt)(row t)(e Condesce, or if I'll even do a good job ruling in )(er place!  
CC: T)(ese are t)(ings I've been worrying about a lot lately!  
CA: fef you knoww wwe got plans for the condesce  
CC: But s)(ell be trying to kill me as soon as s)(e knows I'm not with Gl'bgolyb anymore.  
CC: W)(at if I board our s)(ip and s)(e's told t)(em all to kill me?? 38(  
CC: Or maybe just rigs it to -------EXPLOD----E! 38O  
CA: ha see this is wwhy you need me so bad  
CA: just rely on me i already thought of evverythin here  
CA: made some contacts an called in some favvors  
CA: ivve been wworkin on it for a long time  
CA: you got allies noww fef i made sure one a those ships wwas on our side  
CA: all in secret the condesce doesnt evven knoww  
CC: O)( MY GLUB -ERIDAN DID YOU REELY DO T)(AT??  
CC: You are amazing! I was so scared w)(enever I t)(oug)(t about it t)(at I couldn't even try to make any plans!  
CC: I was just )(oping everyt)(ing would be ok!  
CC: AND T)(-EN YOU W-ENT AND DID T)(AT!!! 38D  
CA: wwell sure i mean a generals gotta look out for his empress  
CC: GLUB!  
CC: YOU AR-E T)(E B-EST G-EN-ERAL!!  
CC: And t)(e best moirail an empress could ever ask for.  
CA: oh yeah  
CA: of course  
CA: just lookin out for you  
CA: like a moirail should  
CA: glub  
CC: GLUUUUUB! 38DDDDD  
CC: You know, it seems like as we get older you're not reely just my moirail anymore.  
CA: wwhat  
CA: reely  
CA: you mean  
CC: You are my SUP-ER MOIRAIL!  
CC: And my very best friend. 38)  
CC: .....  
CC: Um, -Eridan?  
CA: fef im reel tired an wwe gotta get up early tonight  
CA: im gonna go to sleep noww  
CC: Awwww, sad glub. 38(  
CC: Well I guess I'll see you tonig)(t!  
CC: W)(en we'll finally get to see t)(e fleet!  
CC: -E-E-E-E--------E T)(IS IS ALL SO -----EXCITING!!!  
CA: yeah wwe got our wwhole livves ahead of us  
CA: mornin fef  
CC: Morning, -Eridan. 38)

caligulasAquarium [CA] ceased trolling cuttlefishCuller [CC]

 

 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA]

CG: HEY MAN, TELL ME YOU'RE STILL ONLINE.  
CG: PLEASE BE ONLINE PLEASE BE ONLINE PLEASE BE ONLINE  
TA: well 2omebody2 flyiing off the handle more than u2ual twoday.  
CG: SHUT UP.  
CG: I AM FLIPPING MY SHIT HERE.  
TA: a2 alway2.  
TA: what, diid you thiink ii wa2 gonna leave wiithout 2ayiing goodbye?  
TA: ii wa2 goiing two do iit twoniight karkat, iim not that horriible a friiend.  
TA: although ii gue22 iif you were expectiing me two ju2t di22appear wiithout a word then maybe ii am that horriible a friiend...  
CG: OK NO STOP.  
TA: god karkat ii wa2 going two talk two you twoniight before ii left ii 2wear ii wa2!  
CG: JUST STOP, I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR YOUR DEPRESSION BULLSHIT.  
CG: THIS IS A SERIOUS FUCKING ISSUE THAT I AM LEGITIMATELY FLIPPING MY SHIT ABOUT.  
TA: what, you 2uddenly thiink youre going two faiil epiically at beiing a thre2hicutioner?  
TA: 2eriou2ly kk nobody fail2 at that.  
TA: iit2 pretty much the ea2iie2t thiing you can do that2 not the cavalreaper2.  
CG: NO.  
CG: NO, DO NOT EVEN GO THERE, THRESHICUTIONERS ARE AWESOME AND I WILL BE GREAT AT IT, END OF STORY.  
CG: A WHOLE LOT GREATER THAN WHATEVER IDIOTIC THING YOU'RE PLANNING TO BE.  
TA: you only wi2h you had the wiicked programmiing 2kiill2 two be an encryptrooper, kk.  
TA: youre going two be planet2ide hackiing aliien2 up with your 2iickle  
TA: whiile ii siit comfortably iin a shiip and hack fleet2 up wiith my computer.  
CG: AND WHO GETS TO BE THE HERO THEN, SMARTASS?  
CG: HERE'S A HINT.  
CG: IT'S ME.  
CG: WHEN THEY'RE HANDING OUT MEDALS NOBODY EVER GIVES ONE TO THE GUY WHO JUST SAT AT HIS FUCKING COMPUTER.  
CG: YOU WROTE A VIRUS, BIG WHOOP.  
CG: I CARVED RIVERS OF BLOOD THROUGH THE RANKS OF A HOSTILE ALIEN RACE.  
CG: THAT MAKES ME BETTER THAN YOU FOREVER.  
TA: 2ure you are kk.  
TA: and who2 viru2 do you thiink kept that ho2tiile aliien race from carpet bombiing you from orbiit?  
TA: 2uperiioriity 2ecured.  
CG: LOOK, WE NEED ENCRYPTROOPERS LIKE WE NEED REFUSEDISPOSERS.  
CG: IT'S NECESSARY. THAT DOESN'T MAKE IT FUCKING DIFFICULT.  
TA: you cant do iit.  
CG: I COULD, I JUST WANT TO BE THE ONE GETTING THE MEDALS.  
CG: I HOPE YOU ENJOY YOUR LIFE OF BEING UNAPPRECIATED, BECAUSE YOU'RE GOING TO GET ABOUT AS MUCH CREDIT AS TROLL CHEWBACCA.  
TA: ok thii2 conver2atiion ii2 gettiing 2tupiid.  
TA: what wa2 2o iimportant that you had two me22age me and fliip your 2hiit about iit at two iin the afternoon?  
CG: I AM STILL FLIPPING MY SHIT ABOUT IT.  
CG: THAT DIDN'T STOP BEING A THING THAT WAS HAPPENING.  
TA: 2o what are you fliipiing your 2hiit about?  
CG: THE SHIPS ARE COMING TONIGHT!  
TA: 2eriiou2ly kk?  
TA: weve all known about thii2 forever, iit2 not liike iit2 new2.  
CG: THAT WASN'T IT, MORON, LET ME FINISH.  
CG: THE SHIPS, AND CONSEQUENTLY THE RECRUITINATORS, ARE COMING TONIGHT.  
CG: AND I'M GOING TO HAVE TO GO OUT THERE AND TAKE A PHYSICAL.  
TA: youre not goiing two get culled kk.  
TA: they only do that iif there2 2omethiing wrong wiith you, youll be fiine.  
TA: ii mean ii miight, but youre pretty much the defiiniition of normal, 2o  
CG: NO.  
CG: SHUT UP.  
CG: SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP, I'M NOT DONE YET.  
CG: I'M FLIPPING MY SHIT BECAUSE THERE'S A BLOOD TEST.  
TA: oh god kk eheheheheh.  
CG: IT ISN'T FUNNY, YOU ARE A HORRIBLE FRIEND.  
CG: I'M TERRIFIED OVER HERE.  
TA: iit kiind of ii2 though.  
CG: I MEAN I GUESS I ALWAYS KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN EVENTUALLY BUT IT'S ONLY REALLY SINKING IN RIGHT NOW.  
CG: SOMEBODY IS GOING TO STICK A NEEDLE IN MY ARM AND MY BLOOD IS GOING TO BE OUT THERE FOR ALL OF ALTERNIA TO GAWK AT.  
CG: AND I THINK I WOULD RATHER BE CULLED; IT WILL PROBABLY BE LESS HORRIFYING.  
TA: eheheheh your blood thiing!  
TA: ii dont even get why you have thii2 ob2e22iion wiith hiidiing iit ii mean iit2 not liike iit really matter2 what color you are.  
TA: 2hiit ii can't even remember the la2t tiime ii thought about my blood color.  
CG: WELL I CAN'T REMEMBER THE LAST TIME I STOPPED THINKING ABOUT MINE.  
CG: TRY SHOWING A LITTLE SENSITIVITY HERE, DOUCHEBAG.  
TA: ahahaha 2top beiing 2o 2en2iitiive kk!  
TA: iit2 a repugnant qualiity!  
CG: SURE, GO AHEAD AND LAUGH WHILE I GET MYSELF CULLED TO AVOID THE HUMILIATION.  
CG: WE BOTH KNOW YOU'LL BE BEATING YOURSELF UP ABOUT IT LATER ANYWAY, DROWNING IN THE CRUSHING GUILT OF LETTING ME DIE.  
TA: low blow, kk, not cool.  
TA: anyway youre going two have two ju2t giive iit up and 2how 2omebody eventually.  
TA: you can get away wiith iit here but there2 no way theyre goiing two let you be anonymou2 iin the fleet.  
CG: SOLLUX I CAN'T DO THIS. I REALLY CAN'T DO THIS.  
CG: I DON'T WANT TO BE A THRESHICUTIONER ANYMORE, I'LL JUST STAY ON ALTERNIA FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.  
TA: dont be 2tupiid, ii know you want thii2 more than anythiing.  
TA: ju2t go for iit, no one ii2 goiing two care what color your blood ii2. 2how everybody and get iit over wiith and go on wiith your liife.  
CG: YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND.  
TA: 2ure kk, it2 hard. haviing a crippliing fear of your own blood and growiing up.  
CG: I'M NOT AFRAID OF IT YOU NOOKSNIFFER, I JUST DON'T WANT ANYONE TO SEE IT.  
TA: iit2 hard and nobody under2tand2.  
CG: OH FUCK YOU.  
CG: I DON'T KNOW WHY I'M EVEN TALKING TO ANYONE ABOUT THIS, IT'S NOT LIKE YOU CAN DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT.  
CG: I DON'T NEED ANY CONDESCENDING ADVICE, I'M JUST GOING TO GO AND WALLOW IN THE FLIPPED SHIT PILE.  
TA: waiit kk!  
TA: look ii gue22 iim not all that great at motiivatiional 2peeche2.  
TA: one of the many thiing2 iim not great at.  
TA: iin fact wow ii really botched thii2 up, you were really freaking out here and all ii diid wa2 laugh at you.  
CG: WHOA OK NO BACK IT UP.  
TA: 2orry kk, ii can't beliieve you even talk two me 2ometiime2.  
CG: BACK IT UP, IT'S NOT TIME FOR THE PITY PARTY.  
CG: THE PITY PARTY HAS BEEN CANCELLED, ALL THE INVITATIONS WERE LOST IN THE MAIL AND SOMEBODY POISONED THE PUNCH.  
TA: that 2ure 2ound2 liike a typiical piity party.  
CG: NO, LOOK.  
CG: I KNOW YOU'RE TRYING TO HELP HERE BY TELLING ME IT'S NO BIG DEAL WHAT COLOR BLOOD I HAVE.  
CG: BUT THAT ISN'T EVEN THE PART THAT MATTERS. I'VE BEEN HIDING IT SO LONG IT'S SORT OF BECOME THIS OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE THING.  
TA: 2ort of?  
TA: kk iit ii2 textbook ob2e22iive compul2ive. do not even kiid your2elf.  
CG: OK, SO IT IS ENTIRELY OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE.  
CG: THE POINT IS THAT REGARDLESS OF WHETHER OR NOT IT ACTUALLY MATTERS  
CG: I DON'T THINK I'M CAPABLE OF SHOWING MY BLOOD WITHOUT FLIPPING OUT AND HAVING SOME KIND OF FUCKING PSYCHOTIC EPISODE.  
CG: AND I DON'T WANT TO START OFF MY CAREER AS A THRESHICUTIONER WITH A PSYCHOTIC EPISODE.  
CG: I AM KIND OF FREAKING OUT JUST THINKING ABOUT IT RIGHT NOW OH MY GOD OH MY GOD  
TA: calm down a 2econd.  
CG: OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD  
TA: kk 2eriieou2ly.  
TA: take a deep breath or 2omethiing.  
CG: I CAN'T DO THIS.  
TA: thii2 ii2 pretty much ju2t a mental block you have two get around. iif you hiide your blood and they fiind out later, theyll cull you 2o fa2t you wont even feel iit.  
TA: ii mean 2eriiou2ly, they 2end 2ubjugglator2 after people for 2hiit liike that.  
TA: 2o you pretty much ju2t have two force your2elf two get iit out iin the open.  
CG: WAIT, HIDE MY BLOOD?  
CG: FOR A BLOOD TEST? HOW ON ALTERNIA WOULD I EVEN DO THAT, DON'T BE AN IDIOT.  
TA: youre the iidiiot, iit ii2 totally po22iible two fake out a blood te2t.  
CG: OH RIGHT, I'LL JUST MAGICALLY CHANGE MY BLOOD COLOR WHEN NO ONE'S LOOKING, THAT'S BRILLIANT.  
CG: AND BY BRILLIANT I MEAN STUPID.  
TA: there2 drug2 you can take two change your blood color, a22hole.  
TA: get 2choolfed, oh my god.  
CG: WHAT.  
CG: REALLY?  
TA: ...oh my god.  
CG: WHY WAS THAT NOT THE VERY FIRST THING OUT OF YOUR UGLY OVERBITE THE MINUTE I TOLD YOU I WAS WORRIED ABOUT THE BLOOD TEST?  
TA: oh my god kk ii diidnt mean two tell you that!  
TA: you 2eriou2ly cant take chromomiine, iit ii2 iillegal a2 fuck.  
CG: CHROMOMINE, HUH?  
TA: god dammiit why diid ii 2ay that!  
TA: iim 2o 2tupiid!  
TA: you dont know what that 2hiit doe2 two you.  
TA: there wa2 a red-blooded guy iin my neiighborhood who wa2 taking iit two make hi2 blood look yellow, that2 how ii found out about iit iin the fiir2t place.  
TA: you want me two de2criibe all the way2 iin whiich iit wa2 2lowly kiilliing hiim?  
TA: ii mean 2opor only rot2 your miind, thii2 2tuff leave2 your braiin alone and rot2 the re2t of you.  
CG: OK STOP IT, THAT'S DISGUSTING.  
CG: IT WAS JUST A QUESTION, DON'T GO OFF ON SOME RANT ABOUT IT.  
CG: I GET IT, I AM NO LONGER EVEN CONSIDERING IT, ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?  
TA: ii gue22.  
TA: eheh, not liike you could get iit anyway.  
TA: ii doubt you know a dealer and the only one2 who can buy iit legally are iindiigo2 and up.  
CG: SEE, WHY WERE YOU EVEN WORRIED?  
CG: THIS HAS BEEN YET ANOTHER EPISODE OF "SOLLUX MAKES A HUGE FUCKING DEAL OUT OF SOMETHING STUPID."  
TA: tune iin next week two 2ee kk get hii2 a22 handed two hiim by the mothergrubbiing ma2ter encryptrooper.  
CG: FUCK THAT, THRESHICUTIONERS BEAT ENCRYPTROOPERS EVERY TIME.  
TA: briing iit, biig2hot.  
TA: ii'll be coveriing your 2orry a22 from orbiit.  
CG: GREAT, BECAUSE I'LL BE THE ONE WITH THE MEDAL SO SHINY YOU CAN SEE IT FROM SPACE.  
CG: ANYWAY, THIS CONVERSATION HAS BEEN A HUGE WASTE OF TIME.  
CG: I SHOULD BE IN MY RECUPERACOON RIGHT NOW RESTING UP FOR THE RECRUITINATORS AND SO SHOULD YOU.  
TA: what, youre not 2tiill fliippiing your 2hiit about the whole blood thiing?  
CG: NO, I  
CG: I THINK YOU'RE RIGHT, IT'S NOT THAT BIG A DEAL.  
CG: I JUST HAVE TO SHOW IT THIS ONE TIME AND THEN IT'LL BE OVER.  
TA: whatever you 2ay, kk.  
TA: weve got the 2ame recruiitiing outpo2t, 2o ii can alway2 be there two hold your hand iif you cluckbea2t out liike a wiiggler.  
CG: SOLLUX.  
CG: SINCE WE'LL PROBABLY NEVER SEE EACH OTHER AGAIN AFTER TONIGHT, I WANT TO END THIS RELATIONSHIP ON A HIGH NOTE.  
CG: FUCK.  
CG: YOU.  
TA: eheheheheheh!

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling twinArmageddons [TA]

 

 

arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased trolling adiosToreador [AT]

adiosToreador [AT] began trolling terminallyCapricious [TC]

AT: hELP,  
TC: WhAt iS Up, My mOtHeRfUcKiNg bRoThEr?  
TC: SuRe iS EaRlY FoR YoU To bE AlL Up aNd aBoUt, I CaN StIlL SeE ThE SuN SeTtInG.  
TC: YoU EvEr wAtCh tHe sUn sEt oUt oVeR ThE OcEaN? HoW DoEs iT EvEn mAkE AlL ThOsE MoThErFuCkInG CoLoRs?  
AT: i, uHH, dON'T REALLY KNOW THE, sCIENTIFIC REASON,  
AT: bUT I THINK YOU'RE PROBABLY, gOING TO TELL ME IT'S MIRACLES,  
TC: WhOoOoOoAh  
TC: YoU AlL WeNt aNd rEaD My mOtHeRfUcKiNg tHiNk pAn, BrO!  
AT: iT WAS MOSTLY JUST LOGIC, bECAUSE, uM,  
AT: yOU USUALLY SAY IT'S MIRACLES,  
AT: aND I GUESS I JUST, kIND OF KNOW WHEN TO EXPECT IT,  
TC: ThAt sHiT'S A PrEtTy cHiLl mOtHeRfUcKiNg tRiCk!  
TC: HoNk! :o)  
TC: So wHaT DiD YoU WaNt mE To bE AlL Up aNd hElPiNg yOu wItH?  
AT: wELL,  
AT: i WAS IN MY RECUPERACOON, uH, sLEEPING I GUESS,  
AT: bECAUSE THE RECRUITINATORS ARE COMING TONIGHT,  
TC: ThAt wAs aLl bEiNg tOnIgHt?  
AT: yES,  
AT: aND I GUESS IT'S IMPORTANT TO BE, uH, wELL RESTED, iF I WANT TO BE A CAVALREAPER AND NOT GET CULLED,  
AT: aND THE NEXT THING I KNEW I WAS, sORT OF, cRAWLING OVER TO MY COMPUTER,  
AT: aGAINST MY WILL,  
AT: aND VRISKA WAS MESSAGING ME AND SAYING, sHE LOVED ME,  
AT: aND SHE HAD TO TELL ME, bEFORE I GOT CULLED FOR BEING CRIPPLED,  
AT: aND I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY SO I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING,  
AT: wHICH MADE HER ANGRY, i THINK, bECAUSE SHE BLOCKED ME AND, uH, lOGGED OFF,  
AT: aND NOW I'M KIND OF FEARING FOR MY LIFE,  
TC: HoW DoEs tHaT EvEn wOrK, aLl tHoSe cOlOrS?  
TC: LiKe tHeY'Re aLl jUsT MaDe oUtTa pUrE MoThErFuCkInG LiGhT.  
AT: i DON'T THINK YOU'RE ACTUALLY SUPPOSED TO BE, uM, sTARING AT IT LIKE THAT,  
TC: OoOoOoH SoRrY MoThErFuCkEr, I SpAcEd fOr a mInUtE ThErE! WhAt's tHaT ShIt yOu wErE AlL Up aNd sHaRiNg?  
AT: iT'S FINE, i CAN JUST WAIT WHILE YOU SCROLL UP AND READ WHAT I WROTE,  
TC: AwWw mY BrO, hArSh. :o(  
TC: I DoN'T KnOw wHaT To eVeN Be dOiNg aBoUt aLl tHaT.  
AT: i THOUGHT, yOU PROBABLY WOULDN'T,  
AT: sO I GUESS I JUST, wANTED TO TELL SOMEONE ABOUT IT,  
AT: iT DOESN'T REALLY MATTER BECAUSE, i WON'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH HER ANYMORE AFTER TONIGHT,  
AT: oNE WAY OR ANOTHER,  
AT: i HOPE I DON'T GET CULLED BECAUSE, i'VE BEEN PRACTICING MY JOUSTING A LOT AND I THINK I HAVE A LOT OF, uH, sKILL,  
AT: aND YOU DON'T REALLY NEED LEGS TO RIDE A MOUNT,  
AT: sO SHE'S PROBABLY WRONG ABOUT THAT,  
TC: If yOuR MoThErFuCkInG JoUsTiNg iS As sLiCk aS YoUr bEaTs, I WoUlDn't wOrRy aBoUt iT, mY MoThErFuCkEr.  
AT: i'M PRETTY GOOD AT IT,  
TC: HoNk. :o)  
AT: hA HA, hONK, }:o)  
AT: yOU'RE RIGHT, i SHOULDN'T WORRY ABOUT IT,  
AT: i GUESS, nOW THAT I'M AWAKE,  
AT: i SHOULD GET PACKED AND, uH, mAKE SURE I HAVE EVERYTHING,  
AT: hAVE YOU PACKED YET,  
TC: FuCk, My bRoThEr, I FoRgOt iT WaS EvEn tOnIgHt!  
TC: It's cHiLl tHoUgH, sUbJuGgLaToRs DoN'T GeT To bE HaViNg aLl tHoSe mOtHeRfUcKiNg mAtErIaL PoSsEsSiOnS.  
TC: JuSt tHe sHiRtS On oUr bAcKs, BrO!  
AT: oH YEAH, i FORGOT THAT WAS WHAT YOU WANTED TO BE,  
AT: eVEN THOUGH I REALLY CAN'T SEE YOU AS A SUBJUGGLATOR, aT ALL,  
AT: aRE YOU SURE YOU DON'T WANT TO CHANGE YOUR, uH, mIND, tO,  
AT: aNYTHING AT ALL THAT ISN'T THAT THING,  
TC: HaHaHaHaHa!  
AT: yOU COULD, cOME WITH ME AND BE A CAVALREAPER,  
TC: YoU DoN'T ChOoSe tHe sUbJuGgLaToRs, mOtHeRfUcKeR.  
TC: sUbJuGgLaToRs cHoOsE YoU.  
TC: It's sOmEtHiNg dEeP DoWn iNsIdE YoU, lIkE A MoThErFuCkInG CaLlInG. TeLlS YoU WhO YoU ArE.  
TC: MiRaClEs, My bRoThEr, HoW DoEs iT EvEn kNoW?  
AT: wELL I THINK IT'S PROBABLY NICE TO KNOW, eXACTLY WHO YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE,  
TC: GrEaTeSt mIrAcLe oF AlL, mY MoSt hEsItAnT MoThErFuCkEr. :o)  
AT: rUFIO IS KIND OF LIKE THAT, i GUESS,  
AT: eXCEPT I DON'T THINK HE REALLY KNOWS WHAT I'M SUPPOSED TO BE BECAUSE, i JUST MADE HIM UP,  
TC: WeLl fUcK BrO, mAyBe hE'S YoUr wAy oF TeLlInG YoUrSeLf wHaT To mOtHeRfUcKiNg bE!  
TC: WhAt's hE SaYiNg?  
AT: iF HE WAS A REAL PERSON, wHO COULD ACTUALLY TALK TO ME,  
AT: i THINK HE WOULD SAY, nOT TO WORRY ABOUT BEING CULLED, oR ABOUT WHAT VRISKA THINKS  
AT: aND TO JUST HAVE FUN AND DO MY BEST,  
AT: bECAUSE MY BEST IS ACTUALLY PRETTY GOOD, iN THAT PARTICULAR AREA,  
TC: SoUnDs tO Me lIkE RuFiO Is a mOtHeRfUcKeR WhO'S ScHoOlFeD AlL Up aNd aBoUt wHaT He's mOtHeRfUcKiNg sAyInG.  
TC: HoNk hOnK HoNk! :o)  
AT: hONK,  
TC: HoOoOoOoOoOnK!  
AT: oK, yOU WIN,  
TC: CaN'T BeAt mE In a hOnK-OfF, bRoThEr.  
TC: WhOoOoOoOoOoAh  
AT: uM, wHOA WHAT,  
TC: SuN'S DoWn, MoThErFuCkEr.  
TC: AnD I Am sEeInG ThE WiCkEd mIrAcLeS, aLl tHe wAy aCrOsS ThE SkY.  
TC: ThAt sHiT AiN'T StArS, iT'S ThE ShIpS ThAt tAkE Us oUt tO WhErE ThE MaGiC HaPpEnS.  
AT: iS THAT A SPECIFIC PLACE, oR, aRE YOU BEING METAPHORICAL,  
TC: NaH, mAgIc's eVeRyWhErE Up iN ThIs bItCh. :o)  
AT: oH, oK HAHA,  
AT: uH GAMZEE,  
AT: i ACTUALLY ALSO AM TALKING TO YOU,  
AT: tO SAY GOODBYE, i GUESS,  
AT: yOU'RE A REALLY GREAT FRIEND AND, i'LL TRY TO KEEP IN TOUCH WITH YOU AS MUCH AS I CAN, bUT,  
AT: yOU CAN'T REALLY CHAT LIKE THIS, mOST OF THE TIME, wHEN YOU'RE OUT IN THE EMPIRE,  
AT: uNLESS YOU'RE STATIONED ON THE SAME SHIP, oR, uH, tHE SAME PLANET I GUESS,  
AT: aND WE PROBABLY WON'T BE,  
AT: sO I WANT TO SAY THAT I REALLY VALUE OUR FRIENDSHIP,  
AT: bECAUSE YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN SOMEONE I COULD TALK TO, aND, nOT FEEL BAD ABOUT IT AFTERWARDS,  
AT: aND I'LL MISS YOU,  
AT: sO,  
AT: uHHHHH,  
AT: gAMZEE,  
AT: aRE YOU STILL THERE,  
TC: Oh hEy, I FoRgOt wE WeRe eVeN AlL Up aNd tAlKiNg!  
AT: hAHA, tHAT'S OK,  
TC: I'Ll mIsS YoU ToO, mOtHeRfUcKeR.  
TC: BuT ThIs aIn't rEaLlY GoOdByE! I JuSt gOt a mOtHeRfUcKiNg fEeLiNg aBoUt tHaT ShIt.  
TC: I GoTtA Go, KaRkAt's bEeN AlL Up aNd tRoLlInG Me. gUeSs hE WaNtS To aLl bE SaYiNg hIs gOoDbYeS ToO.  
TC: HoNk! :o)  
AT: hOOOOOONK, }:'o)

terminallyCapricious [TC] ceased trolling adiosToreador [AT]

 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling terminallyCapricious [TC]

CG: HEY, BEST FRIEND.  
CG: I SURE AM GLAD TO HAVE A FRIEND LIKE YOU.  
TC: I'M PrEtTy mOtHeRfUcKiNg gLaD ToO, bEsT FrIeNd!  
CG: SHUT UP, FUCKASS, THIS IS KIND OF AN EMERGENCY AND I'M IN A HURRY.  
CG: YOU STILL HAVE INDIGO BLOOD, RIGHT?  
TC: HaHaHaHa, LaSt i sAw tHaT ShIt!  
TC: YoU ThInK It mIgHt hAvE ChAnGeD On mE?  
TC: FuCk bRoThEr, ShOuLd i cHeCk?  
CG: OH MY GOD.  
CG: EVERY TIME I TALK TO YOU I REMEMBER HOW ANNOYING YOU ARE.  
CG: I OPEN TROLLIAN AND THINK  
CG: THERE'S NO WAY HE COULD POSSIBLY BE AS ANNOYING AS I REMEMBER HIM.  
CG: AND YOU BLOW MY MIND EVERY TIME.  
CG: MOTHERFUCKING MIRACLES.  
TC: HoNk! :o)  
CG: DON'T START WITH THE CLOWN THING, I DON'T WANT MY LAST MEMORIES OF THIS PLANET TO INVOLVE YOUR CREEPY RELIGIOUS BULLSHIT.  
TC: SoOoOoOrY, bRo.  
CG: OK, I NEED YOU TO DO ME A FAVOR.  
CG: I FIGURE YOU OWE IT TO ME FOR PUTTING UP WITH YOU FOR ALL THESE SWEEPS.  
TC: WhAtEvEr yOu nEeD, mOtHeRfUcKeR! YoU JuSt nAmE It.  
CG: HOLD ON, THIS IS THE IMPORTANT PART.  
CG: I WANT YOU TO SWEAR ON YOUR FREAKISH CLOWN GODS THAT YOU WILL NEVER TELL ANOTHER LIVING SOUL WHAT I'M ABOUT TO ASK YOU.  
TC: Ok, YoU GoT It.  
CG: NO, I WANT TO SEE YOU TYPE IT. SAY, "I SWEAR ON MY FREAKISH CLOWN GODS THAT I WILL NEVER TELL ANOTHER LIVING SOUL WHAT KARKAT VANTAS IS ABOUT TO ASK ME."  
TC: ThAt's kInD Of sAcRiLeGiOuS. I DoN'T ReAlLy fEeL AlL Up aNd cOmFoRtAbLe wItH WoRdInG It aLl lIkE ThAt!  
CG: WHATEVER, YOU'LL JUST FORGET LATER ANYWAY LIKE YOU ALWAYS DO. NOW LISTEN.  
CG: I NEED YOU TO BUY ME SOMETHING.  
CG: IT'S CALLED CHROMOMINE.

 

gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA]

GC: OH SOLLUX  
GC: GU3SS WH3R3 1 4M R1GHT NOW  
GC: >:]  
TA: at your recruiitiing outpo2t?  
GC: CLOOOOS3.....  
GC: 4LR1GHT TH4T 1S PR3TTY MUCH 1T 3X4CTLY  
GC: BUT 1T 1S NOT TH3 4NSW3R 1 4M LOOK1NG FOR!  
TA: ok fiine tz ii giive up. where are you?  
GC: 1 4M ST4ND1NG ON TH3 D3CK OF TH3 TH3M1S  
GC: TH3 TH3M1S SOLLUX  
GC: ON3 OF THE GR34T COURT SH1PS OF TH3 4LTERN14N FL33T  
GC: 1T 1S 4M4Z1NG  
GC: TH3R3 4R3 SO M4NY COLORFUL B4NN3RS HUNG UP 3V3RYWH3R3  
GC: 1 COULD JUST ST4ND H3R3 4ND SM3LL 3V3RYTH1NG FOR3V3R!  
TA: 2o you diidnt get culled for the bliindne22 thiing then.  
GC: OF COURS3 NOT DUMMY  
GC: 1 P4SS3D MY 3Y3 3X4M W1TH FLY1NG COLORS  
GC: 4ND BY COLORS 1 M34N SM3LLS  
TA: yeah ii fiigured you of all people would be fiine.  
TA: ii pa22ed my phy2iical two.  
TA: ii pretty much went iintwo thi2 thiing thiinkiing ii wa2 goiing two get culled for 2ome 2tupiid mii2take  
TA: but about halfway through ii realiized how 2tupiid that wa2 and ju2t went wiith iit.  
GC: YOU SUR3 C4N B3 M1ST3R N3G4T1V3 SOM3T1M3S  
GC: BUT WHO C4R3S  
GC: N3P3T4 W4S 4T MY OUTPOST 4ND SH3 D1D F1N3 TOO  
TA: 2he would.  
GC: 1 TH1NK TH3 R3CRU1T1N4TORS W3R3 R34LLY 1MPR3SS3D W1TH H3R 4CTU4LLY  
GC: 1N TH3 COMB4T T3ST SH3 F1LL3T3D 4 GUY  
GC: 3QU1US H4D M3 G1V3 H1M TH3 PL4Y-BY-PL4Y ON H1S HUSKTOP  
GC: YOU SHOULD H4V3 T4ST3D H1M GUSH 4BOUT 1T!  
TA: gu2h a2 iin...  
GC: OH H3H3H3H3H3  
GC: GUSH 4S 1N PR41S3 H3R  
GC: 1 FORGOT YOU H4V3 TO SP3C1FY W1TH H1M >:\  
TA: eew.  
GC: BUT W3 4R3 BOTH B34T1NG 4ROUND THE BR14R  
GC: 1 TH1NK YOU KNOW 3X4CTLY WHY 1M T4LK1NG TO YOU >8D  
TA: nope, no iidea.  
GC: Y3S YOU DO!  
GC: 1 H4PP3N TO KNOW TH4T YOU 4ND 4 C3RT41N K4RK4T V4NT4S 4R3 4T TH3 S4M3 OUTPOST  
GC: SOOOO....???  
TA: no iidea what you want from me here tz eheheheh.  
GC: OH YOU TH1NK YOU 4R3 SO FUNNY  
TA: you know iit2 funny admiit iit.  
TA: you are 2o de2perate two know but you are never goiing two a2k.  
GC: T3LL M3 M1ST3R 4PPLEB3RRY BL4ST  
TA: tell you what?  
TA: ii 2tiill dont know what youre talkiing about.  
TA: eheheheheheheheheh!  
GC: OK4Y F1N3 1 W1LL 4SK  
GC: D1D YOU S33 H1S BLOOD T3ST?????? >:?  
TA: maybe.  
GC: SOLLUX DO YOU R34LLY W4NT TO US3 OUR V3RY L4ST CONV3RS4T1ON 3V3R TO T34S3 M3 L1K3 TH1S  
TA: 2ure ii do.  
TA: you diid thii2 two me pretty much my entiire liife, thii2 ii2 my la2t opportuniity two get back at you.  
TA: am ii beiing two mean? ii am arent ii.  
TA: 2hiit, and thii2 ii2 goiing two be the la2t thiing you ever remember me 2ayiing two you.  
TA: way two go, 2ollux.  
GC: OH WOULD YOU STOP TH4T  
GC: YOU W3R3 DO1NG SO W3LL 1 W4S PROUD OF YOUR T34S1NG PROW3SS  
GC: 4FT3R 4LL YOU D1D L34RN FROM TH3 B3ST >;]  
TA: heh.  
GC: YOU H4V3 DON3 W3LL YOUNG JUMP1NG1NS3CT  
GC: R3M3MB3R TO N3V3R US3 YOUR POW3RS FOR 3V1L  
GC: UNL3SS SOM3BODY R34LLY D3S3RV3S 1T  
TA: can do tz.  
GC: NOW T3LL M3 1 4M DY1NG TO KNOW  
GC: WH4T  
GC: COLOR  
GC: 1S  
GC: H1S  
GC: BLOOD!!!  
TA: heh ok ii diid 2ee iit.  
TA: for you, tz.  
TA: and ii cant beliieve he2 been fliippiing out about iit for all the2e 2weep2.  
GC: >:?  
TA: iit2 yellow.  
GC: Y3LLOW  
GC: G1V3 M3 D3T41LS  
GC: L3MON Y3LLOW OR YUMMY B4N4N4 Y3LLOW OR YUCKY MUST4RD L1K3 YOU KNOW WHO  
TA: a liittle biit briighter than miine, ii gue22 he2 kiind of clo2e two green.  
TA: iit2 completely normal, not even a weiird 2hade of iit or anythiing.  
GC: W3LL  
GC: 1 D1D NOT 3XP3CT TH4T 4T 4LL!  
TA: ii know, he made 2uch a biig deal about iit youd thiink iit would at lea2t be 2omethiing weiird.  
TA: he wa2 pretty much hyperventiilatiing the whole tiime they were te2tiing iit.  
GC: 1 GU3SS H3 W4S JUST US3D TO H1D1NG 1T  
GC: 4ND B31NG SP3C14L B3C4US3 NOBODY KN3W  
GC: HMMMMMM SOM3TH1NG SM3LLS V3RY F1SHY 4BOUT TH1S  
GC: BUT 1T 1S PROB4BLY JUST ON3 OF TH3S3 LOV3LY B4NN3RS  
GC: TH4NK YOU SOLLUX 1M GL4D 1 GOT TO F1ND OUT  
TA: no problem tz.  
TA: my 2hiip2 leaviing now, were probably goiing two get cut off iin a miinute.  
GC: QU1CK SOLLUX TH1NK OF TH3 L4ST TH1NG YOU 3V3R W4NT TO S4Y TO M3 4ND S4Y 1T  
TA: tz pyrope you are bat2hiit iin2ane.  
GC: SOLLUX C4PTOR 1 C4N B4R3LY UND3RST4ND 4 WORD YOU TYP3

 

AC: :33 < *ac says equius, you had better behave yourself when i'm not there to k33p an eye on you!*  
CT: D --> I will do my best, Nepeta

CT: D --> Aradia, i have always harbored certain... feelings for you  
AA: i d0nt really care  


TC: I'Ll bE AlL SeEiNg yOu aGaIn iN A CoUpLe sWeEpS, mY MoThErFuCkEr. i jUsT KnOw iT. :o)  
CG: OH GOD I HOPE NOT.

AG: Has anyone heard if that wimp Tavros got culled or not????????

AT: cOULD EVERYBODY MAYBE NOT TELL VRISKA WHETHER I, uH, gOT CULLED OR NOT,

GA: Hes Fine Vriska You Can Start Breathing Again

CA: gentlemen set course for the condesces starship  
CA: fef has a fuckin empire to rule

CC: T)(IS IS SO ------EXCITING!!!


	2. Chapter 2

\-- the Ultravires came within hailing range of the Automatech Mark Two --

\-- untraceableUsurper [UU] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA] \--

UU: I have a message for you, Sollux!  
UU: Do not attempt to trace this signal, or guess who I am.  
UU: This message is being sent in the utmost seacresea!  
UU: I am just an anemonemous ally, fighting for a righteous and EXCITING cause!  
TA: hey ff.  
UU: Aw, )(ow'd you know it was me? 38/  
TA: 2eriiou2ly?  
UU: I t)(oug)(t I was being pretty sneaky.  
UU: Was it the fis)( puns?  
TA: iit wa2 the fii2h pun2.  
UU: A)(rg, I just can't stop making t)(ose and t)(ey give me away every time!  
UU: I need to tell -Eridan, every time you )(ear me make a fis)( pun you )(ave to slap me in t)(e )(ead! T)(at would stop me I bet!  
TA: eheh, would he?  
UU: )(e )(as to!  
UU: )(e is my moirail and it is )(is duty to )(elp me learn to )(ide my identity, even if it means giving me a good )(ard rap across the )(orns. >38(  
UU: But I just keep doing it! I can't )(alibut!  
TA: uh ff...  
UU: I M-EAN )(-ELP IT!!  
UU: O)( glub.  
TA: iit wa2nt that bad.  
TA: you were 2till kind of anonymou2, iif iid never met you before iid have no clue iit wa2 you.  
UU: Well duuuuu)(!  
TA: ju2t pull back on your quiirk a biit and try not two get 2o...  
UU: -Excited?  
TA: yeah.  
UU: It's )(ard not to get -EXCIT-ED!  
UU: Wit)( everyt)(ing t)(at's about to )(appen!  
TA: you need two be careful though.  
TA: no need two make iit ea2y for you-know-who two fiind you before youre ready.  
UU: You-know-w)(o?  
UU: O)(, )(-ER.  
UU: T)(at's rig)(t, I almost forgot t)(at we )(ave to be careful about w)(at we say )(ere!  
UU: T)(e Automatec)( )(as t)(hose word filters t)(at screen your conversations.  
UU: O)( wow, I'm sorry Sollux! Did I say anyt)(ing incriminating t)(at would get you in trouble?  
TA: hey no 2weat.  
TA: fiir2t thiing ii diid when they 2howed me two my work2ation wa2 dii2able all the 2urveiillance ii could fiind.  
TA: ii mean thii2 ii2 the automatech mark two 2o iim 2ure there2 a ton of 2tuff ii mii22ed  
TA: but iif were not 2tupiidly obviiou2 theyre not goiing two catch u2.  
UU: Seacurity is pretty tig)(t around t)(ere, )(u)(?  
UU: I mean security. S-ECURITY.  
TA: heh.  
TA: on the AM2? hell ye2.  
TA: we de2iigned every 2ecuriity 2y2tem iin the fleet. we are untracable, unhackable, and un2toppable.  
UU: Well in t)(at case, I sure am glad I've got a master encryptrooper on t)(e inside! 38)  
TA: iive only been an encryptrooper for liike a couple week2 now ff, iim currently the low guy on the totem pole.  
TA: ii wouldnt 2ay iim a ma2ter over here.  
TA: iin fact iim not 2ure iif iim really goiing two be all that helpful.  
UU: Of course you will be )(elpful silly!  
UU: You )(ave already been SUP-ER )(-ELPFUL.  
TA: not really.  
UU: Y-ES R-E-ELY. Really. R-EALLY.  
TA: iinternet 2mack.  
UU: INT-ERN-ET OUC)(! 3XD  
UU: But R-EALLY, you are doing so muc)( important stuff!  
UU: Like your S-ECR-ET PROJ-ECT?  
UU: O)( actually, t)(at was w)(at I messaged you to glub about in t)(e first place!  
UU: Before you found me out, you sneakity sneak! >38C  
TA: 2o 2orry ii blew your cover.  
UU: )(ee )(ee!  
UU: Is your Foldspace project done yet? -Eridan is getting really impatient!  
TA: well you can tell ed two hold his mu2clebea2t2.  
TA: he2 lucky iim doiing thii2 for hiim at all, ii could have pa22ed thii2 off two a 2hiitty programmer liike kk and made hiim waiit even longer.  
TA: but no, ii deciide two be a niice guy for once.  
UU: Sollux!  
TA: and all he doe2 for month2 ii2 a2k me why iit2 not done yet.  
TA: you know what a22hole thii2 ii2 a lot of work.  
TA: ii 2hould have ju2t told hiim two do iit hiim2elf!  
UU: Geeze lou-E-EZ-E Sollux, )(-E )(-E!  
UU: )(e )(asn't been t)(at bad.  
UU: I t)(ink deep down )(e really appreciates all t)(e work you're doing.  
TA: 2ure he doe2.  
TA: you know ii thiink kk wa2 actually riight about 2omethiing for once.  
TA: iim goiing two go my entiire liife beiing unnapreciiated for everythiing ii do.  
TA: liike de2tiiny 2lapped a biig 2tamp on my forehead 2ayiing plea2e iignore.  
UU: Gruuuumpy! 38P  
UU: I am only asking because it is just so sad to watc)( )(im pace around the s)(ip and be all mopey with not)(ing to do. We can't get started until you finis)(!  
UU: And -Eridan is getting worried about keeping in contact wit)( you.  
UU: T)(e Ultravires can only stay wit)(in )(ailing distance of t)(e Automatec)( for so long before people start to get suspicious!  
TA: relax ff, of cour2e iive got thii2.  
TA: iive had two put the fiinii2hiing touche2 on iit iin 2ecret but iim almo2t done.  
TA: iive got a couple people beta te2tiing iit for me already.  
TA: iill get the code two you iin the next couple of day2.  
UU: T)(anks Sollux, t)(at's a big rereef!  
UU: I guess I s)(ould let you off the )(ook now, t)(at was all I needed to know.  
UU: And you are probably pretty busea with your important encryptrooper weirk!  
TA: ff read what you ju2t wrote.  
UU: O)( GLUB GLUB GLUB  
TA: iinternet 2mack!  
UU: T)(-E INT-ERN-ET PAIN! 38'C  
UU: I really need to work on t)(is!  
TA: well  
TA: iim actually ju2t doiing 2ome bu2ywork riight now.  
TA: iif you wanted two 2tay on and chat  
TA: you know, two practiice the fii2h pun thiing  
TA: ii could hang around and 2mack you on occa2iion.  
UU: I would really appreciate t)(at, Sollux. 38)  
UU: LOOK, T)(IS IS M-E APPR-ECIATING YOU!  
UU: )(ee )(ee )(ee glub!  
TA: 2crew de2tiiny, con2iider me fully appreciiated.  
UU: T)(at's t)(e rig)(t attitide, I like w)(at I'm )(erring!  
TA: ff...  
UU: I mean, um...  
TA: iinternet 2mack!  
UU: O)( nooooooooooo!

 

 

\-- the Themis came within hailing range of Colony world 216 --

\-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] \--

GC: H3H3H3H3H3 W3LL LOOK WHO 1 FOUND  
GC: W3 M33T 4G41N K4RK4T V4NT4S  
GC: OR SHOULD 1 S4Y  
GC: M1ST3R YUMMY GR33N1SH B4N4N4 >:]  
CG: OH THANK GOD, IT'S SOMEBODY SANE.  
CG: THAT'S WHAT I WOULD HAVE SAID IF ANYONE OTHER THAN YOU HAD STARTED TROLLING ME.  
GC: 4DM1T 1T K4RK4T YOU M1SS3D M3  
CG: THE SAD THING IS I THINK I DID.  
CG: LOOK AT YOUR CHUMPROLL AND TELL ME THE ONLY OTHER FAMILIAR SCREEN NAME YOU SEE.  
GC: 4D1OSTOR34DOR?  
CG: ADIOSTOREADOR.  
CG: FOR THE PAST FEW WEEKS MY SOCIAL CIRCLE HAS CONSISTED EXCLUSIVELY OF TAVROS NITRAM.  
GC: H3H3  
GC: I W4S JUST T4LK1NG TO H1M!  
GC: H3 S33MS 4 L1TTL3 B1T LON3LY  
GC: H4V3 YOU B33N 4VO1D1NG H1M?  
CG: HE'S ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE PLANET.  
CG: AVOIDING HIM ISN'T THE ISSUE, IT'S HARD ENOUGH JUST BEING AWAKE WHEN HE IS.  
GC: W3LL 1 S3NT G4MM3RS H1S W4Y SO HOP3FULLY H3 W1LL H4V3 SOM3BODY TO T4LK TO FOR 4 L1TTL3 WH1L3  
CG: "GAMMERS"  
GC: G4444MZ3RS!!  
CG: OK, I'M NOT EVEN GOING TO ASK.  
GC: W3LL H3S 4ROUND H3R3 TOO  
GC: TH3 BL4CK C4TH3DR4L 1S ST4Y1NG CLOS3 TO TH3 TH3MIS WH1L3 W3 WORK ON 4N 1MPORT4NT C4S3  
GC: 1 C4NT T3LL YOU 4LL TH3 D3T41LS DU3 TO 3V3RYTH1NG B31NG H1GHLY S3CR3T1V3 BUT TH3 SUBJUGGL4TORS 4R3 H3LP1NG US TR4CK DOWN OUR CR1M1N4L  
CG: THAT MUST BE GREAT FOR YOU, HAVING A BUNCH OF PSYCHOTIC BERSERKERS AT YOUR BECK AND CALL. TEREZI PYROPE'S FUCKING DREAM COME TRUE.  
GC: TH3 L3G3SL4C3R4TORS DO NOT T3LL TH3 SUBJUGGL4TORS WH4T TO DO K4RK4T!  
GC: TH3Y 4R3 SORT OF T3CHN1C4LLY 4 R3L1G1OUS ORG4N1Z4T1ON 4ND 1T WOULD B3 H1GHLY 1N4PPROPR14T3  
GC: SOM3T1MES W3 JUST SORT OF  
GC: SUGG3ST P3OPL3 TH3 3MP1R3 WOULD B3 B3TT3R OFF W1THOUT  
GC: 4ND 1T SUR3 WOULD B3 CONV3N13NT 1F WH4T3V3R CH4OT1C FORC3S TH3Y S3RV3 W4NT3D TH3 S4M3 TH1NG >;]  
CG: YOU PEOPLE ARE PLATONIC BULGE BUMPING SOUL BUDDIES WITH THE SUBJUGGLATORS AND EVERYONE KNOWS IT.  
CG: I MEAN COME ON, EVERYTHING THEY DO IS LEGAL.  
GC: TH4T 1S B3C4US3 TH31R 4CT1ONS 4R3 GU1D3D BY D1V1N3 1NT3RV3NT1ON  
GC: 4ND NOT 4T 4LL B3C4US3 TH3 L3G3SL4C3R4TORS H4VE SOME K1ND OF D34L WITH TH3M, WH3R3 DO TH3S3 F1LTHY RUMORS 3V3N COM3 FROM  
CG: ........  
GC: 1 4M CH4NG1NG TH3 SUBJ3CT NOW  
GC: 4R3 YOU H4V1NG LOTS OF FUN 4T BOOT C4MP?  
CG: STUFF THE BLUE BLOOD SLANG UP YOUR SEEDFLAP, IT'S A FODDERMILL, AND I AM HAVING A FUCKING BLAST.  
GC: FODD3RM1LL SOUNDS STUP1D  
CG: BETTER THAN YOUR CONKSUCK BOOT CAMP.  
CG: FODDERMILL IS SO MUCH MORE BADASS, BOOT CAMP SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING WIGGLERS DO ARTS AND CRAFTS AT OVER THEIR SWELTERPERIGEE VACATIONS.  
GC: OK C4LL 1T WH4T3V3R YOU W4NT K4RK4T 1 DON'T C4R3  
GC: 1T DO3SNT SOUND V3RY B4D4SS TO M3 >:P  
CG: WELL IT IS.  
CG: IT IS TOTALLY BADASS.  
CG: I'M A REMORSELESS KILLER NOW, I COULD CUT YOU TO RIBBONS IN TEN SECONDS FLAT AND THERE'S NOT A THING YOU COULD DO TO STOP ME.  
GC: YOU 4R3 TH4T B4D4SS 4FT3R ONLY 4 COUPL3 OF W33KS K4RK4T?  
GC: W3LL CL34RLY 1 H4V3 P1CK3D TH3 WRONG PROF3SS1ON!  
GC: H3H3H3H3H3H3  
CG: YEAH LAUGH IT UP.  
CG: IF YOU WERE THE ENEMY YOU'D BE SO TERRIFIED OF ME RIGHT NOW.  
GC: C4NT 4 G1RL L4UGH OUT OF F34R OF YOUR B4D4SS4RY  
CG: NOT WHEN SHE'S YOU SHE CAN'T.  
GC: H3H3H3 1 JUST C4NT H3LP 1T K4RK4T  
GC: YOU 4R3 SOOOOO B4D4SS 1 JUST C4NT T4K3 1T  
CG: OH HA HA HA.  
GC: K4RK4T C4N YOU T34CH M3 TH3 S3CR3T TO B31NG B4D4SS  
CG: THE SECRET IS SHUT THE HELL UP. SHUT THE HELL UP IS THE SECRET.  
GC: 1 4M 3NL1GHT3N3D  
CG: LOOK, I'M BADASS JUST FOR BEING HERE. THE TRAINING REGIMEN FOR THRESHICUTIONERS IS INTENSE. I'VE BATTLED IT OUT WITH TROLLS TWICE MY SIZE DOWN HERE. THEY'RE DEAD, I'M NOT, BADASS EQUALS ME.  
CG: IF I MAKE IT OUT OF BASIC TRAINING ALIVE  
CG: WHICH I WILL.  
CG: I WILL HAVE EARNED THE RIGHT TO BE CALLED ONE OF THE MOST DEADLY MEMBERS OF OUR SOCIETY.  
CG: IF I MAKE IT THROUGH MY FIRST BATTLE ALIVE  
CG: WHICH, ONCE AGAIN, I WILL.  
CG: I WILL BE SO HIGH UP ON THE PEDESTAL OF BADASSARY THAT YOU'LL NEED A FUCKING STEPLADDER TO CATCH A WHIFF OF ME.  
CG: WAIT, NO. I'LL BE SO HIGH UP YOU'LL NEED A STEPLADDER TO CATCH A WHIFF OF THE PEOPLE I'VE KILLED.  
CG: I WILL BE SO FAR ABOVE YOU THAT THE ONLY WAY YOU'LL EVEN KNOW I EXIST IS BY THE TRAIL OF CARNAGE I LEAVE BEHIND.  
CG: THRESHICUTIONERS  
CG: ARE  
CG: BADASS.  
GC: 1 4M PR3SS3D 4G41NST MY SCR33N JUST T4K1NG 1N 4LL YOUR 4M4Z1NG B4D4SS4RY  
GC: 1T T4ST3S L1K3 M3T4L  
CG: IT TASTES LIKE A FUCKING COMPUTER SCREEN YOU PSYCHO.  
CG: STOP LICKING EVERYTHING I TYPE, IT'S DISGUSTING.  
GC: 1TS D3L1C1OUS  
CG: OH GOD YOU'RE STILL LICKING IT.  
GC: K4RK4T WHY DO YOU H4V3 TO TYP3 3V3RYTH1NG 1N GR4Y???  
GC: SUCH 4 WOND3RFUL SLURRY OF FL4VORS ON MY SCR33N 4ND TH3R3 1S K4RK4T V4NT4S W1TH H1S BOR1NG GUNM3T4L GR4Y  
GC: YOUR T3XT WOULD T4ST3 SO MUCH B3TT3R 1F 1T W4S 4 BR1GHT3R COLOR DONT YOU TH1NK  
GC: M4YB3.......  
GC: 4 YUMMY B4N4N4 COLOR?? >8D  
CG: NO.  
CG: FUCK THAT.  
CG: FUCK THAT WITH SOMETHING SHARP AND POINTED, I AM NOT SATISFYING YOUR SICK LICKING FETISH WITH BANANA YELLOW TEXT.  
GC: BUT WH4TS TH3 PO1NT OF B31NG GR4Y 4NYMOR3  
GC: TH3 S3CR3T 1S OUT  
GC: K4RK4T H4S B4N4N4 BLOOD 4ND H3 1S 4 S3LF1SH M34N13F4C3 WHO W1LL NOT SH4R3 1T  
CG: I LIKE THE COLOR GRAY.  
GC: JUST SHOW 1T TO M3 ONC3  
GC: PL34S3 K4RK4T 1 H4V3 B33N SO GOOD 4BOUT R3SP3CT1NG YOUR PR1V4CY 4ND L3TT1NG YOU PL4Y YOUR 4NONYM1TY G4M3  
GC: 1 COULD H4V3 TR1CK3D YOU 1NTO SHOW1NG M3 4 HUNDR3D D1FF3R3NT W4YS BUT 1 D1D NOT  
CG: BULLSHIT, IF YOU COULD HAVE YOU WOULD HAVE.  
GC: YOU R34LLY TH1NK SO >:]  
CG: YOU WANTED TO KNOW SO BADLY.  
GC: >:] >:] >:]  
CG: THERE'S NO WAY YOU WERE JUST RESPECTING MY PRIVACY.  
GC: >8] >8] >8]  
CG: OK STOP WITH THE FACE.  
CG: YOU'RE CREEPING ME OUT.  
GC: >8D >8D >8D >8D  
GC: >:P  
GC: JUST SHOW M3 ON3 T1M3 4ND YOU W1LL N3V3R 3V3R H34R M3 4SK 4BOUT 1T 4G41N  
GC: 1 JUST W4NT TO S33 YOU WR1T3 1N GR33N1SH B4N4N4  
GC: 1T H4S B33N MY L1F3LONG DR34M TO S33 YOU TYP3 1N YOUR BLOOD COLOR  
GC: 1 TOO 4M 1N 4 V3RY D3M4ND1NG C4R33R K4RK4T  
GC: 1 COULD B3 ON3 B4D C4S3 4W4Y FROM B31NG D3VOUR3D BY H1S HONOR4BL3 TYR4NNY  
GC: WOULD YOU D3NY 4 POOR L3G1SL4C3R4TOR H3R L1F3LONG DR34M  
CG: LIKE I BELIEVE THAT FOR A SECOND. ARE THEY EVEN LETTING YOU HANDLE YOUR OWN CASES YET?  
GC: W3LL NO  
GC: 1 4M JUST OBS3RV1NG TH3 M4ST3RS 4T WORK 4ND TR4NSCR1B1NG COURT R3CORDS FOR TH3M  
GC: 1 W1LL H4V3 TO WORK MY W4Y UP JUST L1K3 YOU  
CG: OH RIGHT, THEY'RE LETTING THE BLIND LEETSPEAKER WRITE OFFICIAL DOCUMENTS.  
CG: THERE GOES MY FAITH IN OUR COURT SYSTEM.  
GC: Karkat, I'll have you know that I am fully capable of writing coherently when I need to.  
GC: >;]  
CG: WHOA  
CG: WHOA  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK.  
CG: NEVER DO THAT AGAIN.  
GC: H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3!!!  
GC: JUST DO 1T YOU KNOW 1T W1LL SHUT M3 UP  
GC: YOU DONT N33D TO B3 SC4R3D 1T W1LL B3 SO MUCH 34S13R TH4N 4 BLOOD T3ST  
CG: OH MY GOD, I AM NOT SCARED OF MY BLOOD.  
GC: JUST SC4R3D OF SHOW1NG 1T  
GC: SOLLUX TOLD M3 HOW YOU W3R3 4CT1NG WH3N TH3Y TOOK YOUR BLOOD 1 KNOW YOU W3R3 CRY1NG L1K3 4 W1GGL3R  
CG: I WAS NOT!  
GC: SOME B4D4SS THR3SH1CUT1ON3R YOU AR3 B4N4N4M4N  
CG: I AM NOT FUCKING SCARED OF MY BLOOD!  
CG: I'VE BLED PLENTY OF TIMES IN BASIC TRAINING. MY GROSS YELLOW BLOOD HAS BEEN OFFERED UP TO THE GODS OF SWEATY FODDERMILL COMBAT SO MUCH THEY'VE GOT A RUNNING TAB WITH ME.  
CG: BLOOD IS NOT A BIG DEAL.  
GC: SO SHOW M3!  
CG: I  
CG: JUST  
CG: FUCK.  
CG: FINE.  
CG: THIS IS WHAT MY BLOOD LOOKS LIKE.  
CG: I'LL WAIT PATIENTLY WHILE YOU MAKE OUT WITH YOUR MONITOR.  
GC: K4RK4T..........  
GC: TH1S COLOR T4ST3S L1K3 YUCKY CH3M1C4LS!  
CG: FUCK YOU.  
CG: THAT IS A BANANA. IT LOOKS LIKE A BANANA, THEREFORE YOUR MAGICAL SYNESTHESIA POWERS SHOULD SAY IT SMELLS AND TASTES LIKE A BANANA .  
CG: DO YOU JUST ARBITRARILY DECIDE THIS CRAP OR IS THERE SOME WHEEL YOU SPIN THAT TELLS YOU WHAT FLAVOR YOU'RE SLOBBERING ON?  
GC: MY NOS3 4ND MY TONGU3 4LW4YS KNOW TH3 TRUTH K4RK4T  
GC: 4ND TH3 TRUTH 1S TH4T YOU H4V3 YUCKY BLUCKY CH3M1C4L FL4VOR3D BLOOD  
CG: AND YOU WONDERED WHY I NEVER WANTED TO SHOW IT TO YOU.  
GC: 4CTU4LLY 1 D1D WOND3R TH4T  
GC: 4ND 1 ST1LL DO!  
GC: YOUR BLOOD 1S P3RF3CTLY NORM4L K4RK4T 1 DONT KNOW WHY YOU W3R3 H1D1NG 1T  
CG: I WAS HIDING IT BECAUSE THAT'S PRIVATE AND I'M NOT GOING TO TELL YOU.  
GC: V3333RY SUSP1C1OUS >:/  
GC: 1 C4N S33 1 W1LL H4V3 TO PURSU3 TH1S C4S3 W1TH 4LL OF MY SK1LL  
CG: OK NO SHUT UP.  
CG: I WAS JUST HIDING IT BECAUSE  
CG: IT'S  
CG: KIND OF CLOSE TO SOLLUX'S BLOOD COLOR.  
GC: 444444ND???  
CG: AND HE HAS ALL THOSE PSIONIC POWERS. I FELT LIKE A FREAK, HAVING ALMOST THE EXACT SAME BLOOD COLOR AND NO POWERS AT ALL.  
CG: IT WAS JUST EASIER TO HIDE IT.  
GC: 4444W K4RKL3S  
CG: DON'T CALL ME KARKLES.  
GC: LOTS OF Y3LLOW BLOODS DONT H4V3 POW3RS 1T 1S NO B1G D34L  
GC: 1T DO3SNT M4K3 YOU 4 FR34K  
CG: OH THANK GOD I HAVE TEREZI'S APPROVAL.  
CG: I SHOULD HAVE TOLD EVERYONE SWEEPS AGO, THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING.  
GC: 1T 1S T4ST1NG L1K3 D1SGUST1NG CH3M1CALS TH4T M4K3S YOU 4 FR34K!!! >8D  
CG: .........  
CG: I'M GOING TO LEAVE NOW.  
GC: H4H4H4  
GC: SOM3BODY SUR3 1S S3NS3T1V3 4BOUT H1S BLOOD  
CG: IT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE AN INSANE PSYCHO FREAK.  
CG: DON'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY.  
GC: WH4T3V3R YOU S4Y K4RK4T  
GC: 1T W4S N1C3 T4LK1NG TO YOU TOO  
GC: 1 W1LL SM3LL YOU 4G41N WH3N YOU G3T BOR3D OF T4VROS

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC] \--

GC: H3H3H3H3H3!

 

 

\-- the Black Cathedral came within hailing range of Colony world 216 --

\-- Acolyte Makara of the Lesser Laughssassins [AMLL] logged on to server: Public Network of Mirthful Communion --

\-- Acolyte Makara of the Lesser Laughssassins [AMLL] changed their handle to terminallyCapricious [TC] \--

\-- terminallyCapricious [TC] began trolling adiosToreador [AT] \--

TC: AwWw dAmN My bRoThEr i tHiNk yOu kNoW WhAt tHiS MeAnS.   
AT: i THINK I AM INDEED AWARE OF, tHE THING THAT THIS MEANS,   
TC: AiN'T No sToPpIn iT MoThErFuCkEr.  
TC: GeTtIn mY HaRsH On aLl uP In hErE, yOu tHiNk yOu cAn bRiNg iT?   
AT: cONSIDER IT BROUGHT,  
AT: tHE THING THAT I AM BRINGING,   
TC: ThEn...  
TC: ShIpS PaSsInG!   
AT: sLAM BATTLE!   
TC: RoUnD OnE!   
AT: sUDDEN DEATH!   
TC: GrOoVe?   
AT: yOUR SHIP, aND CURRENT EVENTS THEREIN, i GUESS,  
AT: sO WE CAN GET CAUGHT UP WITH,  
AT: hOW THE OTHER PERSON IS DOING,   
TC: I'M DoWn wItH ThAt, MoThErFuCkEr.  
TC: ShAdE?   
AT: uH, lIGHT!   
TC: AwWwWwWwWw yEeEeEeEeEaH  
TC: AiN'T SeEn yOu iN A WhIlE, bRo, AlLoW Me tO ReCiTe  
TC: WhAt's aLl bEeN GoInG DoWn wHiLe i bEeN In fLiGhT  
TC: LiKe a mOtHeRfUcKiN, kItE, bRo!  
TC: AnD ThIs sHiT Is tIgHt.  
TC: HoW'S A ShIp tHaT BiG EvEn sTaY At tHaT HeIgHt?  
TC: So wHaTeVeR, iT'S AiGhT. GoNnA ChIlL FoR A MiNuTe.  
TC: YoU SeEn tHe bLaCk cAtHeDrAl, BeCaUsE FuCk bRo, I'M In iT!  
TC: AnD ThEy cAlL Me tHe mOtHeRfUcKiN AcOlYtE  
TC: LiKe a rItE, mOtHeRfUcKeR, tHaT'S My mOtHeRfUcKiN RiGhT.  
TC: ThEy sAy fUcK It mAkArA, hEaR WhAt wE Up aNd sAiD,  
TC: YoU AiN'T GoT No fOcUs iN YoUr mOtHeRfUcKiN HeAd,  
TC: UpTiGhT, mAkE Me wRiTe oUt tHaT ShIt i mIsReAd.  
TC: PrIeStS AnD DeAcOnS  
TC: AlL Be sPeAkIn  
TC: 'bOuT ThE SpItE I AuGhTtA BrEd.  
TC: DoN'T EvEn kNoW HoW To gEt tHaT MoThErFuCkIn sPiTe!  
TC: BuT ThEy gOt tHiS FiRe iN Em lIkE ThEy'rE GoNnA IgNiTe.  
TC: SeE ThE LiGhT, mOtHeRfUcKeR, bUrNiNg mOtHeRfUcKiNg bRiGhT.  
TC: I SaY BrOtHeR I AiN'T SeEiN It.  
TC: ThEy bE AlL, yOu gOtTa bE BeIn iT.  
TC: WaNnA StAy a lAuGhSsAsSiN, dOn't bE GeTtIn sChOoLfEd  
TC: BuT A SuBjUgGlAtOr kNoWs wHaT'S In hIs mOtHeRfUcKiN HeAd.  
TC: GeT ThE JoKe, ClEaR ThE SmOkE, aNd fInD SoMe fUcKiN InSiGhT.  
TC: GrAy aNd wHiTe, QuIt tHe sHiT AnD GeT YoUr hEaD! On! rIgHt!  
TC: GaMzEe oUt.   
AT: oH WOW, tHAT SOUNDS KIND OF,  
AT: uNPLEASANT,  
AT: tHAT THEY TELL YOU OFF LIKE THAT,   
TC: NaH, iT'S ChIlL. :o)  
TC: AiN'T NoBoDy's fAuLt bUt mInE I ZoNe oUt lIkE A MoThErFuCkEr.  
TC: I MeAn, FuCk, SpAcE Is jUsT ToO ChIlL, bRo! i cAn't hElP JuSt sTaRiN OuT At tHe mOtHeRfUcKiN StArS.  
TC: AlL FuCkIn tWiNkLiN AnD ShIt tIl yOu tHiNk yOu cAn jUsT SoRt oF ReAcH OuT AnD MoThErFuCkIn tOuCh eM.  
TC: MaKeS It rEaL HaRd tO PaY AtTeNtIoN To wHaT EvErYbOdY'S Up aNd sAyInG!   
AT: i'VE NOTICED, tHOUGH,  
AT: tHAT YOU DON'T REALLY ZONE OUT AS MUCH, wHEN WE'RE DOING SLAM POETRY,   
TC: WeLl fUcK, bRoThEr, I GuEsS I DoN'T!   
AT: sO MAYBE IT WOULD HELP, uH, kEEP YOU FOCUSED,  
AT: iF YOU PRETENDED THAT,  
AT: i GUESS, yOU WERE THROWING DOWN SOME STRICT BEATS WITH EVERYONE YOU TALKED TO,  
AT: aND YOU HAD TO PAY ATTENTION, sO YOU COULD CALL THEM OUT WITH YOUR, uH, sICK BURNS,  
AT: aND THEN MAYBE YOU WOULD REMEMBER, tHE THINGS THAT PEOPLE SAID TO YOU AND, nOT GET YELLED AT,   
TC: MoThErFuUuUuUuCk tAvRoS, tHaT Is wIcKeD BiTcHiN!   
AT: iS THAT A GOOD THING OR, a BAD THING,   
TC: I DuNnO BrOtHeR, i tHiNk tHaT MiGhT MoThErFuCkIn wOrK!  
TC: HoNk! :o)   
AT: gLAD TO HELP,   
TC: BuUuUuUuUuUt  
TC: YoU AiN'T OfF ThE MoThErFuCkInG HoOk, BrO!  
TC: I MeAn sUrE YoU GoT ThE BrAiNs bUt cAn yOu sLaM?   
AT: oH YOU KNOW I AM CAPABLE OF SLAMMING,   
TC: I SaId cAn yOu mOtHeR  
TC: FuCkInG  
TC: SlAm????   
AT: i CAN SLAM, iF YOU GIVE ME A GROOVE,   
TC: SaMe.  
TC: AnD YoUr sHaDe iS  
TC: FrEeStYyYyYyYyLe!   
AT: oOOOOH GAMZEE, yOU'RE GONNA REGRET THAT DECISION,  
AT: wHEN I FREESTYLE RHYMES WITHOUT MAD SUPERVISION,  
AT: (THAT'S REFERRING TO THE FREESTYLE THING, bY THE WAY,)  
AT: mY NAME IS TAVROS AND I'M HERE TO SAY,  
AT: wAIT, lET ME, uH, mAKE A REVISION,  
AT: mY NAME IS TAVROS, cAVALREAPER IN THE MAKING,  
AT: mY SKILLS ARE BEING HONED AND MY ENEMIES ARE QUAKING,  
AT: aND, uH, sHAKING, tOO, tHEY'RE ALSO DOING THAT,  
AT: gOT MY LANCE AT THE READY AND MY HELMET, tHAT'S A HAT,  
AT: aND INSTEAD OF PRACTICING ON THAT DUMMY I MADE,  
AT: i'M FACING REAL OPPONENTS AND I'M NOT AFRAID,  
AT: oF THE OPPONENTS,  
AT: wAIT,  
AT: uH,  
AT: oK SO, eVEN THOUGH THEY MOCK ME IN THE BARRACKS AND SAY,  
AT: tAVROS NITRAM, yOU AREN'T GONNA LAST ANOTHER DAY,  
AT: yOU'RE DEAD FROM THE WAIST,  
AT: aND WE'LL POUND YOU INTO PASTE,  
AT: lITTLE CRIPPLE, sAY YOUR PRAYERS,  
AT: aND SAY THEM IN HASTE,  
AT: tHEY AIN'T HALF AS BAD AS VRISKA, sO I LOOKED AT THEM AND SAID  
AT: bETTER DEAD FROM THE WAIST, tHAN DEAD IN THE HEAD,   
TC: DaAaAaAaAaMn! :oO   
AT: uH, tHANKS,  
AT: sO ANYWAY, i'M NOT AFRAID, aND I DON'T YIELD,  
AT: wHO'S PASTE WHEN I FACE THEM ON THE TRAINING FIELD???  
AT: (iT'S THEM AND NOT ME,)  
AT: i GUESS WHAT I AM SAYING IS, i'M AT A DISADVANTAGE,  
AT: bUT I'M GAINING SOME RESPECT, aND I THINK I'M GONNA MANAGE,  
AT: tHAT DIDN'T REALLY RHYME,  
AT: bUT, uH,  
AT: tAVROS OUT,   
TC: SoUnDs tO Me lIkE YoU GoT ThAt sHiT NaIlEd dOwN!   
AT: iT WASN'T EASY, tO BEGIN WITH,  
AT: bUT I THINK EVERYONE CAN SEE WHAT A, uH, vALUABLE ASSET I WOULD BE, tO THE RANKS OF THE CAVALREAPERS,  
AT: aND RIGHT NOW THEY'RE SAYING THAT IF I MAKE IT THROUGH BASIC TRAINING, i MIGHT BE FITTED WITH SOME PROSTHETICS,   
TC: MoThErFuCkInG ChIlL, bRo!  
TC: HoNk! :oD   
AT: i'VE MOSTLY JUST BEEN REMEMBERING THE THINGS YOU SAID,  
AT: aBOUT TELLING MYSELF WHAT TO BE,  
AT: aND I THINK I JUST DECIDED, tO TELL MYSELF I WAS GOING TO BE,  
AT: wHATEVER I WANTED TO BE,  
AT: aND NOT LET ANYONE SAY THAT I COULDN'T,  
AT: aND I GUESS IT'S WORKING,   
TC: WaIt, DiD I AlL MoThErFuCkInG TeLl yOu tHaT?  
TC: ShIt bRo, I ThOuGhT ThAt wAs rUfIo!   
AT: rUFIO IS JUST A FAKE MADE UP FRIEND,  
AT: bUT SOMETIMES I FORGET THAT TOO, sO THAT'S OK,   
TC: HaHaHaHa!   
AT: hEY GAMZEE,  
AT: dO YOU THINK THERE ARE OTHER PEOPLE MEETING UP OUT THERE,  
AT: wHO AREN'T CATCHING UP WITH EACH OTHER IN THE FORM OF, uH, sLAM BATTLES?   
TC: WhO'D EvEn aLl wAnT To mOtHeRfUcKiN Do tHaT? ThEy'd jUsT Be mIsSiN OuT On tHe mOtHeRfUcKiNg fUn!  
TC: HoOoOoNk! :o)   
AT: hA HA, i KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN,  
AT: tHIS IS THE BEST WAY TO TALK TO SOMEONE,  
AT: sPEAKING OF WHICH,,,,,,,  
AT: aRE YOU READY FOR ROUND TWO?   
TC: TaVrOs mY MoThErFuCkIn bRoThEr, I WaS HaTcHeD ReAdY.  
TC: BrEaK OuT ThE BeAtS AnD LeT'S TeAr tHiS ShIt uP.   
AT: oK, i GUESS I CAN GO FIRST THIS TIME,   
TC: SlAm bAtTlE!   
AT: rOUND TWO!   
TC: SuDdEn dEaTh!   
AT: gROOVE?   
TC: MoThErFuCkIn cAnDy.   
AT: sHADE?   
TC: OrAaAaAnGe! >:o)   
AT: yOU'RE MAKING ME RHYME WITH ORANGE?  
AT: aND HERE I THOUGHT YOU'D GIVE ME SOMETHING DIFFICULT, >}:)   
TC: YoU TaLk bIg bRoThEr, BuT I WaNt tO SeE YoU SlAm iT!   
AT: yOU WANT ME TO SLAM IT,  
AT: oH, i CAN SLAM IT,  
AT: hERE I GO,,,,,,,,,

\-- the Black Cathedral is not longer within hailing range of Colony world 216 --

\-- terminallyCapricious [TC] has been disconnected! --

AT: aWWWW,

 

 

\-- twinArmageddons [TA] launched the program Fold2pace~ATH --

\-- twinArmageddons [TA] logged on to server: Fold2pace --

TA: te2tiing one two  
TA: te2tiing one two  
TA: nothiing2 goiing two explode thii2 tiime?  
TA: good

\-- twinArmageddons [TA] invited apocalypseArisen [AA] to join server: Fold2pace --

\-- apocalypseArisen [AA] logged on to server: Fold2pace --

AA: well  
AA: this is a thing   
TA: oh hell ye2!   
AA: 0_0   
TA: iit actually worked thii2 tiime!  
TA: you 2ee thii2 aa?  
TA: thii2 ii2 me  
TA: talkiing two you  
TA: from halfway acro22 the galaxy.  
TA: ii thiink that de2erve2 a hell ye2.   
AA: i supp0se  
AA: even th0ugh it is basically just the inevitable 0utc0me 0f s0mething y0ve been trying t0 d0 f0r m0nths anyway  
AA: all y0u are celebrating is the absence 0f failure   
TA: 2ome people call that 2uce22.  
TA: that2 been a word for a whiile now, you 2hould probably look iit up.   
AA: i am 0nly stating a fact   
TA: well now youre goiing to state a hell ye2.  
TA: 2ay iit wiith me aradiia  
TA: hell  
TA: ye2.   
AA: hell yes  
AA: y0u are c0mpetent in acc0mplishing tasks that are well within y0ur capabilities  
AA: g00d j0b   
TA: oh fuck you aa.  
TA: go 2iit iin the gloom and doom corner whiile ii get the re2t of the guiinea piig2 iin here.   
AA: 0_0  
AA: 0kay

\-- twinArmageddons [TA] invited centaursTesticle [CT] to join server: Fold2pace --

\-- centaursTesticle [CT] logged on to server: Fold2pace --

\-- twinArmageddons [TA] invited arachnidsGrip [AG] to join server: Fold2pace --

\-- arachnidsGrip [AG] logged on to server: Fold2pace --

AG: A8out time!  
AG: Woooooooow Sollux, I was starting to think you were never going to finish!  
AG: I've 8een so 8ored just waiting on you and your stupid project.  
AG: When I agreed to 8e your awesome test su8ject I didn't think there would 8e so much waiting!   
TA: ok look, thii2 2tuff ii2 voliitiile and iit take2 tiime.  
TA: thii2 tiime la2t week fold2pace wa2 explodiing every computer ii ran iit on.   
AG: Whaaaaaaaatever.   
TA: iim pretty 2ure ii fiixed that bug, but that2 why were runniing the2e te2t2.   
CT: D--> Hel100 again, Aradia   
AA: hey   
AG: Oh geeze.   
CT: D--> Have you given any thought to  
CT: D--> What I said to you previously  
CT: D--> Upon leaving Alternia   
AA: n0 n0t really   
CT: D--> Well  
CT: D--> If you do  
CT: D--> Happen to think of that particular e%clamation I made  
CT: D--> Please recall that it was said in the heat of the moment  
CT: D--> And that perhaps I did not mean  
CT: D--> Quite what I thought I meant  
CT: D--> When I said it   
AA: 0_0   
CT: D--> It would be highly scandalous and inappropriate to pursue such a thing  
CT: D--> So very inappropriate   
AG: Uuuuuuuugh. XXXXP   
CT: D--> And despite any  
CT: D--> Desires  
CT: D--> We may or may not harbor   
TA: oh god thii2 ii2 hiilariiou2.   
CT: D--> I think it w001d be for the best if we simply forgot the wh001e thing occurred   
AA: sure   
CT: D--> Unless of course you would rather  
CT: D--> Not forget   
AA: n0 its fine i pretty much f0rg0t it already   
CT: D--> Ah   
AG: Here's a crazy idea! You guys should listen to this crazy idea I just had!  
AG: My crazy idea is that we 8an all discussion about towel8oy's gross love life from this server 8efore Vriska hurls!  
AG: Let's vote on it! All in favor?   
TA: Aye.   
AG: AAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEE.   
AA: i d0nt care either way   
CT: D--> I don't think you have the authority to do that   
AG: My vote counts as eight. Motion passed!   
CT: D--> Fiddlesticks   
TA: ok real quiick before thii2 conver2atiion traiin get2 any further off the raiil2 and cra2he2 iintwo 2tupiidtown  
TA: there ii2 actually 2tuff we need two get done here.   
AG: Fine, oh fearless leader, we're listening.  
AG: It's a8out time some8ody actually explained what the 8ig deal is with this secret Foldspace thing.   
TA: iill try to dumb iit down for you.   
AG: >::::|   
TA: It will 8e easy for me 8ecause I am a stuuuuuuuupid iiiiiiiidiot 2TOP THAT   
AG: Stop what, Sollux????????   
TA: Stop 8eing 8asically the 8est at everything and also really smart and 8eautiful!!!!!!!!   
AA: vriska   
AG: Whaaaaaaaat?  
AG: I can't help it if Sollux thinks I'm 8eautiful.   
TA: equiiu2 hiit her for me.   
CT: D--> I do not take orders from you, lowb100d   
TA: You're right, I am pretty much the worst!!!!!!!! Vriska is so much 8etter than me AT BEIING AN ENOURMOU2 BIITCH which is what I would have said if I didn't think she was soooooooo awesome VRII2KA II 2WEAR you are simply the 8est there is!!!!!!!!   
AA: equius hit her f0r me   
AG: OW!!!!!!!!  
AG: You guys suuuuuuuuck.  
AG: Suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck.   
TA: you know what, you dont have two be here.  
TA: none of you have two be here, ii could be doiing thii2 entiire thiing by my2elf!  
TA: ii dont need you moron2!   
AA: s0llux  
AA: y0u were explaining ab0ut f0ldspace  
AA: this is s0mething the 0thers sh0uld kn0w   
TA: fiine, whatever.  
TA: alriight iidiiot2 and aradiia, lii2ten up.  
TA: thii2 i2 fold2pace. iit2 a remote 2erver that ho2t2 a 2iimple chat cliient.  
TA: but the thiing ii2, ii 2et iit up u2iing 2ome of the recycled mechaniic2 from that game aa and ii were workiing on a whiile ago.   
AG: The one you scrapped when you found out it would destroy the world?  
AG: Way to go, 8y the way, how's it feel to 8e the guy who almost caused the apocalypse?   
TA: aradiia.   
AA: equius   
AG: OW   
CT: D--> Perhaps you should stop hitting yourself   
AG: OH TH8T 8N'T 8VEN F8IR!!!!!!!!   
TA: 2hut up, you cant keep your braiin two your2elf 2o you dont get two talk anymore.   
AG: DXXXX   
TA: the fold2pace 2erver ii2 2et up iin a diimen2iion out2iide of our normal realiity, and iit 2ort of fold2 2pace around iit2elf 2o iit2 everywhere at once.  
TA: we can acce22 iit from any poiint iin 2pace, allowiing for iin2tantaneou2 communiicatiion over long dii2tance2. that2 how ii can talk two you from the AM2 and aa can talk all the way from alterniia.  
TA: iit2 totally priivate and can tran2miit any me22age you want two 2end, any place you want two 2end iit. perfect for makiing plan2 for the uprii2iing.  
TA: a2 long a2 ii can keep iit from fryiing our computer2 and other unfortunate 2iide effect2.  
TA: whiich ii2 where you guy2 come iin.  
TA: and 2iince were goiing two have two deal wiith thii2 eventually iim ju2t goiing two addre22 iit riight now.  
TA: our dev team for thii2 ii2 ba2iically the perfect 2torm of people who hate each other.   
AA: 0_0   
TA: well maybe not aradiia  
TA: but you get iit.  
TA: iif we want two get thii2 done iin tiime for ff2 biig uprii2iing were goiing two have two put that 2hiit a2iide for a whiile and try two be ciiviil.  
TA: vrii2ka thii2 mean2 you.   
AG: I'm not the one hitting people with their own ro8ot arms.  
AG: Why are those two even here, anyway? When you asked me to 8eta test for you I thought this was gonna 8e just you and me!   
TA: ii told you, thii2 program warp2 2pace.  
TA: iit2 volatiile a2 hell.  
TA: and iif iit turn2 out were all beiing bombarded by co2miic radiiatiion ju2t by u2iing iit then we need beta te2ter2 who can 2urviive pretty much anythiing.   
CT: D--> As someone exceedingly STRONG  
CT: D--> I felt it was my duty to v001unteer  
CT: D--> Even if it puts me in a position where I must take orders from these two peasantb100ds   
AG: Ooooooooh, I get it! You needed me and Equius 8ecause we're the toughest people you know.  
AG: I'm flattered.   
CT: D--> Yes  
CT: D--> This subservient position  
CT: D--> Is most  
CT: D--> Regrettable   
TA: no, ii needed eq becau2e he2 the toughe2t per2on ii know  
TA: aa ii2nt exactly vulnerable two thii2 2tuff eiither  
TA: but youre mo2tly here becau2e youre expendable   
AG: Ooh, some8ody's mad.  
AG: Gooooooood Sollux, that was forever ago! Let it go already!  
AG: Aradia got over it!   
AA: there wasnt really anything t0 get 0ver  
AA: it all seems kind 0f petty l00king back 0n it   
AG: Seeeeeeee????????  
AG: 8esides, you have to let me in on your little Foldspace thing. Eridan has Equius and me working on a SEEEEEEEECRET PROOOOOOOOJECT of our own! :::;)   
CT: D--> It's true  
CT: D--> For once I can see the sea dweller's p001nt  
CT: D--> Our involvement will prove most vital to the cause   
TA: oh really?  
TA: and what2 your 2ecret project dare ii a2k?   
AG: It's a secret, dummy! If we told you it would lose all its 8ig important secrecy!  
AG: 8ut what I can tell you is...  
AG: We're calling it the IG.  
AG: The EEEEEEEEYE GEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!  
AG: Eeeeeeeeye geeeeeeee.  
AG: eeeeeeeeye geeeeeeee...  
AG: That was me whispering it all dramatically just now.   
CT: D--> Yes  
CT: D--> That was most elegantly whispered   
TA: oh yeah real 2cary.   
AA: the v0ices already t0ld me ab0ut y0ur pr0ject  
AA: and i think it is a spectacularly bad idea  
AA: n0t that i can st0p y0u fr0m d0ing it anyway   
AG: Killjoy.   
AA: i w0uld tell y0u t0 be careful  
AA: but i already kn0w that y0u w0nt   
AG: Oh hey Sollux! It would 8e gr8 if we could use your stupid Foldspace server thing to work on our project! We would get so much more done if we didn't have to wait around until my ship passed his colony planet.  
AG: I am soooooooo sick of waiting around. I have 8een doing all the waiting lately. All of it!   
TA: fiine whatever.  
TA: let2 turn ff2 biig takeover iintwo our per2onal playground, that2 the be2t iidea.   
CT: D--> Naturally we will only use the server for official business   
AA: he w0nt   
CT: D--> I order you to stop challenging my honesty  
CT: D--> Those of our class should be above such  
CT: D--> Distasteful  
CT: D--> And disrespectful claims  
CT: D--> Right Vriska   
AG: Suuuuuuuure we are!   
CT: D--> Stop agreeing with me insincerely   
TA: look ju2t remember that thii2 thiing ii2 2tiill iin beta. u2e iit all you want, but report any problem2 two me 2o ii can fix them before ii declare iit 2afe and let ff run iit.   
CT: D--> I 100k forward to the challenge   
TA: al2o  
TA: do NOT tell anyone about thii2. fold2pace ii2 a 2ecret 2triictly between the four of u2, ed, and ff.  
TA: that mean2 no u2iing iit for 2tupiid conver2atiion2 wiith random people.   
AG: You got it!  
AG: I will 8e so responsible with this, Sollux. You don't have to worry a8out a thing!   
TA: iill beliieve that when ii 2ee iit.  
TA: well that conclude2 thii2 te2t ii gue22.  
TA: anythiing two add, aa?

\-- apocalypseArisen's [AA's] computer exploded! --

TA: welp.  
TA: back two tryiing two fiix that.

\-- twinArmageddons [TA] logged off the server --

AG: Hahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!

\-- arachnidsGrip [AG] logged off the server --

CT: D--> Oh dear  
CT: D--> ...  
CT: D--> Well  
CT: D--> I suppose now that they are gone  
CT: D--> It would hardly hurt our cause if I...  
CT: D--> ...

\-- centaursTesticle [CT] invited arsenicCatnip [AC] to join server: Fold2pace --

\-- arsenicCatnip [AC] logged on to server: Fold2pace --

AC: :33 < *ac suddenly finds herself pulled off of her favorite shipping furrum and logged on to a strange new catroom!*  
AC: :33 < *what is going on here? she says*  
AC: :33 < *but wait! her cunning predatory instincts tell her that someone else is here*  
AC: :33 < *she flicks her tail and crouches down, ready to pounce*   
CT: D--> It has been a while since we spoke, Nepeta   
AC: 8DD < EQUIUS!!!!


	3. Chapter 3

\-- the Commandant Octavius came within hailing range of Colony world 125 --

\-- grimAuxilliatrix [GA] began trolling arachnidsGrip [AG] \--

GA: Hello Vriska How Are You   
AG: Holy crap! Kanaya!  
AG: I didn't know you were on 125. I would've talked to you sooner!   
GA: Yes You Did  
GA: When We Were Still Living On Alternia I Told You Multiple Times Where I Would Be Stationed After Recruitment However It Seems You Were Not Paying Attention  
GA: Not That I Am Particularly Upset Or Anything I Just Thought I Would Mention It   
AG: Well soooooooorry if I missed it, I was pro8a8ly doing other stuff.  
AG: I used to have a lot of irons in the fire you know.  
AG: So many irons. And you were just one iron! It's hard to keep track of one iron when you have so many.   
GA: Yes I Was Aware Of Your Irons I Already Said I Was Not Upset   
AG: In fact it was pro8a8ly your fault. You should have put some effort into 8eing a more interesting iron.   
GA: Can We Stop Using This Iron Metaphor  
GA: It Has Been Quite A While Since We Last Spoke Online Or Otherwise And I Do Not Wish To Spend Our Impromptu Reunion Being Compared To Your Hypothetical Blazing Ferric Objects  
GA: You Said You Used To Have A Lot Of Those Do You Not Now   
AG: Wow, way to skip right to the meddling.   
GA: It Was An Innocuous Question  
GA: To Be Fair You Brought It Up   
AG: I guess so.  
AG: Yeah, I don't have a lot of irons right now. I'm pretty 8ored actually!  
AG: 8eing on the Commandant is all a8out honing your skills and training the upper classes to 8e gr8 military leaders and stuff. Every8ody up here was singled out when they were really young and given challenging lusii just like I was!  
AG: So we're all a 8unch of 8acksta88ing 8lue 8loods and seadwellers all fighting this 8ig passive aggressive 8attle to gain the upper hand!   
GA: That Doesnt Sound Very Boring To Me   
AG: Well it wasn't at first. It was a lot of fun!  
AG: 8ut now it's just sort of getting old.  
AG: I've 8een doing stuff like this for my entire life anyway. There is only so much you can 8e the 8est at something 8efore it stops 8eing special.  
AG: And all the other stuff I'm learning is just useless junk like etiquette and military tactics and UGH, people skills.   
GA: Alright I Am Just Putting This Out There And You Dont Necessarily Have To Listen  
GA: But Maybe You Should Be Paying Attention To That Kind Of Thing  
GA: They Are Probably Teaching It To You For A Reason   
AG: Yeah, to 8ore me to death!!!!!!!!  
AG: There's hardly even any com8at training. Why can't we learn fun stuff like that?   
GA: Well As Future Leaders Of The Fleet I Doubt You Will Encounter Much Hand To Hand Combat As You Will Have Troops For That   
AG: 8ooooooooring.  
AG: I don't need to know any of this. They should just give me a ship already and let me go out and have 8attles!  
AG: Instead of just hanging around here forever with nothing to do.  
AG: And no8ody to talk to 8ut Equius!   
GA: Equius  
GA: Is He On The Commandant I Was Not Aware   
AG: No, he's on 362. You know, training to 8e a Ruffiahnihilator with all the other freakishly strong freaks.  
AG: Man, how do you even need training for that? Can't they just point him in the right direction and tell him to start punching?   
GA: I Am Certain There Are Nuances   
AG: Yeah right!  
AG: 8ut he is my only iron right now. Eridan has us 8oth working on a secret project.   
GA: Is That So   
AG: Yeah! I can't tell you anything a8out it. It's top secret!   
GA: For Such An Important Secret You Sure Were Quick To Bring It Up  
GA: Almost As If You Want Me To Beg You For Information Which I Will Not Do Out Of Respect For Your And Eridans Privacy   
AG: Of course I don't want you to 8eg for information! Why would I want you to ask me a8out something that is so o8viously incredi8ly secret????????   
GA: Alright Then   
AG: You should just keep your meddley nose out of it.  
AG: This 8ig secret that you are pro8a8ly so tempted to meddle in.   
GA: To Be Honest I Am More Curious About How You Are Contacting Equius When He Is On Colony Planet 362  
GA: But If That Is Also Part Of The Secret I Will Not Pry   
AG: That is most definitely part of the secret. Don't ask a8out either of those things!  
AG: Even though you must really want to.  
AG: Your meddle instinct must 8e going crazy right now, wanting to know a8out my one and only fire iron.   
GA: No Not Really   
AG: Well good, 8ecause I'm not gonna tell you!  
AG: No matter how much you 8eg, my lips are sealed.   
GA: Then We Have Established That It Will Be Kept A Strict Secret And We Do Not Have To Talk About It Any More   
AG: We sure don't!!!!!!!!   
GA: Good   
AG: Good. >::::I  
AG: ........  
AG: Ok, geeeeeeeeze, it's called the IG!   
GA: I Did Not Ask   
AG: We're working on it with this chat program Sollux set up. It runs on some ultra-secret sever that lets you chat with any8ody, no matter where they are.   
GA: You Probably Shouldnt Be Telling Me This   
AG: And the whole thing is set up for Feferi's 8ig takeover! Eridan asked me and Equius to make him a superweapon!  
AG: Kind of like the ones we used to mess around with 8ack on Alternia, 8ut this one is a whole lot deadlier. And he's gonna use it against Her Imperial Condescension!   
GA: Wait What   
AG: Maaaaaaaan Kanaya, stop grilling me for information!   
GA: I Was Not I Suspect You Just Wanted To Brag   
AG: You so were!  
AG: You tricked me into letting something slip with your slippery ways, you slippery slip8east!   
GA: Im Not Sure There Is Such A Thing As A Slipbeast   
AG: Well if there was you would 8e one!  
AG: Talking in circles around me while I was 8eing all trusting and unsuspecting!  
AG: How dum8 was I????????   
GA: Sigh  
GA: Doesnt Making A Superweapon With The Intent To Kill The Empress Seem A Little Bit Reckless To You  
GA: I Am Not Telling You Not To Do It I Am Just Asking   
AG: Ahaha, now who's curious? :::;)  
AG: Sorry Kanaya, you're not gonna get another word out of me!  
AG: I guess you'll just have to stay sadly uninformed.   
GA: I Guess That Is Inevitable Then Isnt It  
GA: In Any Case You Should Take Care Vriska It Would Be Unfortunate If You Were Executed For Treason   
AG: Yeah yeah, 8oss me around why don't you.   
GA: Not Everything I Say Is An Attempt To Boss You Around You Realize  
GA: Sometimes It Is Just Friendly Concern   
AG: Yeah yeah,"friendly concern" me around why don't you.  
AG: Me and my one measly iron!  
AG: Soooooooo 8ored.  
AG: Are you as 8ored as I am out in this stupid empire? 125's a mining colony, right? That's pretty 8oring.   
GA: It Is An Agricultural Colony Actually   
AG: Meh, same thing.   
GA: And It is Far From Boring I Quite Enjoy It Here  
GA: The Sunlight Is Much Weaker And Very Pleasant And I Spend A Large Portion Of My Day Enjoying It In The Greenhouses   
AG: 8ooooooooring!   
GA: Many Of The Trolls Here Are Diurnal Like Myself I Have Plenty Of People To Talk To Who Share My Interests And I Am Incorporating Some Of The Flowering Plants We Grow Into Floral Designs For My Dresses   
AG: 8lah 8lah 8lah dirt and sunshine.  
AG: I'll 8et you're 8ored out of your skull, sitting around watching grass grow all day.  
AG: Wow, I feel 8etter now, knowing some8ody out there has it worse than I do!   
GA: It Isnt Boring   
AG: Sure it is! Your job sucks, haha!   
GA: It Does Not  
GA: I Am Very Happy  
GA: I Am Doing Work That I Love And I Have Plenty Of Free Time  
GA: To  
GA: Um  
GA: To Spend With My Matesprit   
AG: M8sprit?   
GA: Yes   
AG: You have a m8sprit????????   
GA: Yes I Do   
AG: 8ullshit, since when?!   
GA: I Met Her Shortly After Arriving On This Planet  
GA: She Too Is A Verdominator We Work Together Monitoring The Growth Of Experimental Breeds Of Vegetables  
GA: She Is Very Interested In My Sketchbooks She Very Much Likes Fashion   
AG: No way!  
AG: You're lying. That's gotta 8e a lie. You don't h8ve a m8sprit!   
GA: Would You Like To Read My Mind I Could Picture Her Very Clearly For You  
GA: This Matesprit That I Most Definitely Have   
AG: Now you're just 8luffing, you know I c8n't really get into your he8d.  
AG: Fine then miss Smartyp8nts, wh8t's her n8me????????   
GA: Um  
GA: Bellaa Swanne  
GA: Her Favorite Color Is Topaz The Color Of My Eyes  
GA: Did I Mention That   
AG: Everyone's eyes are t8paz!!!!!!!!   
GA: But It Is Mine Specifically With Which She Is Enamored  
GA: She Compliments Them Quite Often It Is Very Flattering  
GA: She Compliments Me A Lot She Is Very In Love With Me  
GA: Sometimes We Just Spend Hours Lying In The Sun And Talking About How In Love We Are   
AG: 8ull  
AG: Sh8t!!!!!!!!   
GA: I Do Not Understand Why You Are So Upset About This  
GA: It Should Not Effect Our Moiraillegiance  
GA: I Will Always Be There For You In That Quadrant And I Think You Should Be Happy That I Am Happy   
AG: I'm not ups8t. Wh8t m8de y8u th8nk I w8s ups8t????????   
GA: Yes How Silly Of Me Clearly I Am Mistaken  
GA: As You Have No Reason To Be Upset  
GA: Moirail  
GA: <>   
AG: Okaaaaaaaay, yeah, you're right.  
AG: I'm just 8eing dum8. I am happy that you're happy!  
AG: It just sounded for a minute like you were making stuff up.   
GA: I Assure You I Am Being Entirely Veracious  
GA: Why Would I Make This Up   
AG: I dunno, I guess I just always thought you kind of had a thing for........  
AG: Nevermind.  
AG: Congrats on your m8spritship.   
GA: Thank You Vriska  
GA: I Am Afraid I Must Leave Now I Have Things To Do  
GA: It Was Nice Talking To You Again   
AG: Yeah fine whatever you too.   
GA: And Vriska  
GA: Be Careful With Your Secret Project  
GA: I Mean That In A Friend Way And Not A Bossy Way In Case That Wasnt Clear   
AG: Don't worry a8out it. This weapon is kind of a 8ig deal, we're 8eing extra careful.   
GA: Well Good Luck  
GA: It Would Be Nice If You Succeeded I Think Feferi And Eridan Would Do A Satisfactory Job As Our Rulers   
AG: Who cares who rules the Empire, I just like stirring things up. >::::)  
AG: See you around, Kanaya.

\-- grimAuxilliatrix [GA] ceased trolling arachnidsGrip [AG] \--

 

 

\-- the Themis continued to match course with the Black Cathedral --

\-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling server: Public Network of Mirthful Communion --

\-- Subdeacon Payaso of the High Laughssassins [SPHL] responded to gallowsCalibrator [GC] \--

SPHL: >Bo(   
GC: H3LLO  
GC: 1 4M LOOK1NG FOR G4MZ33 M4K4R4  
GC: N4TUR4LLY 1 H4V3 BROUGHT TH3 PROP3R TR1BUT3   
SPHL: >Bo(   
GC: WHY D1111111111D  
GC: TH3 SC4L3M4T3 F4LL OUT OF TH3 TR33?  
GC: H3H3H3H3H3   
SPHL: Bo?   
GC: B3C4US3 1T W4S D34D  
GC: WHY D1D TH3 SQU1RR3LB34ST F4LL OUT OF TH3 TR33?  
GC: B3C4US3 1T W4S ST4PL3D TO TH3 SC4L3M4T3!   
SPHL: .................  
SPHL: 8oD

\-- Subdeacon Payaso of the High Laughssassins [SPHL] ceased responding to gallowsCalibrator [GC] \--

\-- Acolyte Makara of the Lesser Laughssassins [AMLL] responded to gallowsCalibrator [GC] \--

AMLL: HeY ThErE My mOtHeRfUcKeR.  
AMLL: HaVe yOu rEcEiVeD SaLvAtIoN ThRoUgH ThE MoThErFuCkIn mIrThFuL MeSsIaHs? HoW CaN I Be aLl uP AnD HeLpIn a bRoThEr oR SiStEr oUt wItH ThOsE WiCkEd qUeStIoNs aBoUt rElIgIoN AnD ShIt?   
GC: 1 4M NOT H3R3 TO T4LK 4BOUT YOUR W31RD CLOWN R3L1G1ON  
GC: 1TS M3 YOU DUMMY >:]   
AMLL: AwWwWw hEy tErEzI!

\-- Acolyte Makara of the Lesser Laughssassins [AMLL] changed their handle to terminallyCapricious [TC] \--

TC: :o)   
GC: G4MZ33 YOU N33D TO G3T 4 COMPUT3R  
GC: 1T 1S F4R TOO MUCH WORK TO G3T 4HOLD OF YOU >:I   
TC: HaHaHaHa, SoRrY MoThErFuCkEr. yOu kNoW I CaN'T JuSt uP AnD Do tHaT.  
TC: GoTtA ShUn tHaT SuPeRfLuOuS ShIt, It aIn't gOoD FoR YoUr sOuL.   
GC: 1 M34N 1T GAMZ 1 4M RUNN1NG OUT OF JOK3S   
TC: Aw sHiT SiStEr, ReAlLy? YoU?  
TC: I ThOuGhT YoU HaD A BoTtOmLeSs sUpPlY A ThOsE MoThErFuCkErS!   
GC: SO D1D 1!  
GC: BUT 1T 1S G3TT1NG H4RD TO TH1NK OF R34LLY GOOD ON3S 1 H4V3N'T 4LR34DY TOLD  
GC: YOUR SH1P H4S 4 V3RY D3M4ND1NG 4UD13NC3 4ND 1 4M US1NG UP 4LL MY B3ST M4T3R14L   
TC: HaHa, NoW ThAt aIn't tHe mOtHeRfUcKiNg tRuTh! YoU KnOw sOmE Of uS JuSt lAuGh aT AnYfUcKiNtHiNg.   
GC: Y34H YOURE R1GHT  
GC: 1 4M PR3TTY MUCH JUST TRY1NG TO M4K3 YOU F33L B4D SO YOULL BUY 4 COMPUT3R  
GC: 1S 1T WORK1NG   
TC: NoPe.   
GC: W3LL CR4P  
GC: TH3R3 GO3S MY BR1LL14NT PL4N   
TC: HaHa, SoOoOoRrY  
TC: ThErE'S ShIt i jUsT GoTtA ReSpEcT, yOu kNoW?  
TC: MoThErFuCkIn mEsSiAhS SaY If i wAnNa gEt mY HoLy mOtHeRfUcKiN SeRvItUdE On, I GoTtA KeEp mY DiStAnCe fRoM ThAt wOrLdLy uNcHiLl sHiT.  
TC: BeSiDeS, SuBdEaCoN PaYaSo'd uP AnD FlAy mE AlIvE, hE FoUnD OuT I BrOkE SoMe mOtHeRfUcKiNg rUlE.  
TC: AnD Uh  
TC: JuSt bEtWeEn yOu aNd mE  
TC: PaYaSo sCaReS ThE MoThErFuCkInG ShIt oUtTa mE.   
GC: YOU M34N SUNGL4SS3S GUY  
GC: >Bo(   
TC: YeAh.   
GC: G33Z3 G4MZ33 1 C4NT 1M4G1N3 WHY  
GC: WH4T COULD POSS1BLY B3 SC4RY 4BOUT A PSYCHOT1C CLOWN  
GC: 1T 1S TRULY 4 MYST3RY   
TC: HaHaHa hOnK!  
TC: YoU AiN'T GoTtA TeLl mE, gIrL. cLoWnS ArE ThE ShIt!  
TC: GoIn oUt uNtO ThE WoRlD, sPrEaDiN ThE LaUgHtEr aNd aLl lIkE It's mOtHeRfUcKiN PeAnUt bUtTeR On a sAnDwIcH MaDe oF MiRaClEs   
GC: 1 DON'T 3V3N KNOW WH4T YOU'R3 S4Y1NG 4NYMOR3  
GC: BUT 1T SOUNDS D3L1C1OUS   
TC: DaMn sIsTeR Me nEiThEr! NoW I GoT Me tHe mUnChIeS. :o)   
GC: H3H3H3H3  
GC: WHY 4R3 W3 T4LK1NG 4BOUT M1R4CL3 S4NDW1CH3S TH4T 1S NOT WHY 1 TROLL3D YOU 4T 4LL  
GC: 1 H4V3 SOM3TH1NG R34LLY GR34T 1 W4S GO1NG TO T3LL YOU!! >:]   
TC: NaAaAw sIsTeR JuSt  
TC: YoU KnOw hOw yOu mAkE OnE Of tHoSe?   
GC: 4 M1R4CL3 S4NDW1CH?   
TC: YeAh, It's lIkE A MoThErFuCkIn sEcReT ReCiPe To bLiSs, GiRl. SaNdWiCh oF ThE GoDs jUsT GeTtIn iTs aMaZiNg oN AlL Up iN YoUr fUcKiN MoUtH.  
TC: YoU GeT PeAnUt BuTtEr AnD HoNeY AnD ThOsE LiTtLe mInI MaRsHmAlLoW MoThErFuCkErS AnD A SmAsHeD Up bAnAnA   
GC: 1 W1LL 4DM1T TH1S 1S SOUND1NG PR3TTY GOOD SO F4R   
TC: AnD JeLlYbEaNs aNd cReAm cHeEsE AnD BoW-TiE SpAgHeTtI   
GC: UM   
TC: AnD BaCoN AnD ChOcOlAtE SaUcE   
GC: OH WOW   
TC: AnD ThEn, SiStEr, YoU MiX It aLl tHe mOtHeRfUcK ToGeThEr aNd sLaP It nIcE AnD CoZy bEtWeEn tWo sLiCeS Of bReAd.......  
TC: AnD YoU GrIlL  
TC: ThE  
TC: ShIt  
TC: OuT Of iT.  
TC: MoThErFuCkIn mAgIc.   
GC: Y34H WOW 1 DON'T 3V3N KNOW HOW TO R3SPOND TO TH4T  
GC: MY H34D S4YS NO BUT MY STOM4CH S4YS Y3S   
TC: TeReZi yOu gOtTa hOp a sHuTtLe oVeR To tHe bLaCk cAtHeDrAl sOmE TiMe. GeT YoUr cHiLl oN AnD We cAn jUsT BaKe sHiT.   
GC: H3H3H3 1M SUR3 LOTS OF TH1NGS 4R3 G3TT1NG B4K3D OV3R TH3R3 G4MZ33 >:]   
TC: I MeAn iT MoThErFuCkEr! I wIlL Up aNd lEt yOu iN On tHeSe mAd rEcIpEs i bEeN InVeNtInG. wAkIn uP In tHe mIdDlE Of tHe dAy wItH ThE WiCkEd mOtHeRfUcKiN CrAvInGs fOr lIkE  
TC: GrUb sAuCe oN ToAsT Or sOmE ShIt.   
GC: OK4Y BUT G4MZ33   
TC: I MeAn fUcK, gIrL, hOw dO I EvEn aLl uP AnD ThInK Of tHaT DeLiCiOuS SnAcKaGe? JuSt hItS Me lIkE A MoThErFuCkIn mIrAcLe.   
GC: G4MZ33   
TC: FuUuUuUcK HoW DoEs tHaT EvEn wOrK   
GC: W3LL DONT SP4C3 OUT 4BOUT 1T 1 W4S K1ND OF 3NJOY1NG H4V1NG 4 COH3R3NT CONV3RS4T1ON W1TH YOU FOR ONC3  
GC: 3V3N 1F 1T W4S 4BOUT S4NDW1CH3S   
TC: HaHaHa, WeLl nOw i wAnNa gO MaKe mE A SaNdWiCh.   
GC: 4ND 1 GU3SS FOR 4 G1V3N V4LU3 OF COH3R3NT. >:/  
GC: BUT 4G41N TH1S 1S NOT WHY 1 TROLL3D YOU  
GC: STOP D1STR4CT1NG M3 W1TH YOUR T4NT4L1Z1NG GR4P3 J3LLY WORDS 1 W4S GO1NG TO T3LL YOU SOM3TH1NG 1MPOR4NT!  
GC: 1 H4V3 V3RY 3XC1T1NG N3WS!!! >:]   
TC: ShIt gIrL, sChOoLfEeD Me!   
GC: 1 H4V3 B33N G1V3N................  
GC: .............  
GC: ....................  
GC: ..............................  
GC: ....................  
GC: .............  
GC: .....  
GC: ...  
GC: G4MZ33 DONT YOU W4NT TO KNOW WH4T 1 H4V3 B33N G1V3N  
GC: OH G33Z3 4R3 YOU ST1LL TH3R3   
TC: WhAt?  
TC: Aw yEaH, MoThErFuCkEr, BuT I FiGuRe yOu cAn uP AnD TeLl mE WhEn yOu'rE ReAdY. :o)   
GC: YOU 4R3 NO FUN TO T34S3 >:[  
GC: OK4Y F1N3 1 W1LL T3LL YOU.  
GC: 1 H4V3 B33N G1V3N.....  
GC: MY F1RST C4S3!!! >:D   
TC: WhOoOoAh gOoD FoR YoU, gIrL!  
TC: TeReZi aLl lEgIsLaCeRaTiN Up iN HeRe!  
TC: HoNk hOnK!   
GC: H3H3H3H3 YOU KNOW 1T!  
GC: MY F1RST B1G C4S3 4S 4 PROS3CUTOR!  
GC: TH3 GUY ON TR14L 1S 4 R34L SCUMB4G  
GC: 3MB3ZZL3M3NT 4ND F4LS1F1C4T1ON OF DOCUM3NTS 4ND 1MP3RSON4T1NG ROY4LTY  
GC: 1MP3RSON4T1NG ROY4TLY HOW LOW C4N YOU S1NK  
GC: (TH4T W4S 4 F1SH PUN D1D YOU C4TCH 1T)  
GC: (H3H3H3H3 TH4T W4S 4NOTH3R ON3)   
TC: HaHaHaHa hOnK!   
GC: TH3 R33K OF H1S GU1LT D1SGUSTS M3 3V3N NOW   
TC: WhAt's iT SmElL LiKe?   
GC: G4SOL1N3 >:P   
TC: WhOa   
GC: 1T W1LL B3 SO MUCH FUN BR1NG1NG H1M TO JUST1C3! >:]  
GC: DO YOU KNOW WHAT H1S HONOR4BL3 TYR4NNY S41D WH3N H3 PUT M3 ON TH3 C4S3?  
GC: H3 S41D 1 R34LLY STOOD OUT FROM 4LL TH3 OTH3R N3W R3CRU1TS D3SP1T3 MY "D1S4B1L1TY"  
GC: 4ND H3 W4NT3D TO G1V3 M3 TH3 OPPORTUN1TY TO SH1N3.  
GC: H1S HON4BL3 TYR4NNY THOUGHT OF M3 P3RSON4LLY G4MZ33!!  
GC: H3 S4YS 1 4M GO1NG TO B3 SOM3TH1NG GR34T!!!   
TC: GiRl, ThAt's tIgHt. My mAiN SiStEr aLl uP AnD BrInGiN JuStIcE To sHiT.   
GC: Y3S 1 W1LL BR1NG JUST1C3 TO SH1T  
GC: TH3 SH1T THOUGHT 1T COULD 3SC4P3 FROM JUST1C3 BUT 1T D1D NOT COUNT ON M3   
TC: YoU ShOw tHaT ShIt!  
TC: BuUuUt uH, mAyBe fIrSt yOu sHoUlD BrInG JuStIcE To tHaT MoThErFuCkEr yOu wErE JaWiN AbOuT EaRlIeR?   
GC: >:/  
GC: Y3S G4MZ33  
GC: TH3 SH1T W1LL H4V3 TO W41T WH1L3 1 D34L W1TH H1M  
GC: GOOD TH1NG YOU C4UGHT TH4T  
GC: BUT FORG3T 4BOUT TH4T C4N 1 4SK YOU FOR 4 F4VOR   
TC: ShOoT GiRl, I GoT My lIsTeN On.   
GC: W3LL 4S 4 L3G1SL4C3R4TOR ON3 OF MY DUT13S 1S TO S3NT3NC3 CR1M1N4LS TO TH31R JUST F4T3  
GC: 4ND S331NG 4S TH1S 1S MY F1RST TR14L 1 WOULD L1K3 TO 3ND 1T W1TH 4 B4NG 4ND R34LLY 1MPR3SS H1S HONOR4BL3 TYR4NNY.  
GC: SOOOOOO...  
GC: 4COLYT3 M4K4R4 OF TH3 L3SS3R L4UGHSS4SS1NS  
GC: WOULD YOU L1K3 TH3 HONOR OF B31NG MY 3X3CUT1ON3R?   
TC: FuCk yEs!!!   
GC: ...DO YOU KNOW WH4T 4N 3X3CUT1ON3R 1S   
TC: NaW BuT It sOuNdS PrEtTy bItChIn.   
GC: W3LL TH3 B4S1C 1D34 1S TH4T YOU CULL TH3 SCUMB4G 4FT3R 1 PRONOUNC3 H1M GU1LTY  
GC: NOT M4NY L3G1SL4C3R4TORS H4V3 TH3 R3SOURC3S TO S3NT3NC3 SOM3ON3 TO B3 SUBJUGGL4T3D  
GC: 3V3N THOUGH OUR SH1PS H4V3 4N 4LL14NC3 TO 4SK 4 P3RSON4L F4VOR FROM 4 SUBJUGGL4TOR 1S 4 R34LLY B1G D34L 4ND 1T W1LL C3RT4INLY M4K3 M3 ST4ND OUT 4S ON3 OF TH3 B3ST OF TH3 B3ST >:]  
GC: WH4T DO YOU S4Y G4MZ33 W1LL YOU H3LP 4 G1RL OUT???   
TC: WeLl uH, I AiN'T A SuBjUgGlAtOr yEt. JuSt aN AcOlYtE.  
TC: I MeAn I Am.  
TC: CaUsE OnCe yOu gEt tHaT MoThErFuCkInG CaLlInG YoU JuSt kNoW ThAt's wHaT YoU AlWaYs uP AnD BeEn.  
TC: BuT I AiN'T EaRnEd iT yeT, yOu kNoW?   
GC: TH4T WONT M4TT3R TO TH3 COURTBLOCK  
GC: 1F YOU 4R3 FROM TH3 BL4CK C4TH3DR4L YOU 4R3 3NOUGH OF 4 SUBJUGGL4TOR FOR TH3M   
TC: YeAh, I'Ll dO ThAt!  
TC: I ThInK PaYaSo aNd tHeM AiN'T ToO ChIlL WiTh mE, jUsT Up aNd dOiN NoThIn aLl dAy. BeT ThEy'd lIkE It iF I CuLlEd sOmE MoThErFuCkEr wHaT Up aNd dEsErVeD It, GeT OfF My bAcK A BiT.  
TC: CaN I UsE My sPeCiAl sPeCiBuS?   
GC: G4MZ33 YOU C4N US3 WH4T3V3R YOU W4NT >:]  
GC: TH4NK YOU TH1S W1LL H3LP M3 OUT 4 LOT!!!   
TC: HoOoOnK! :o)   
GC: NOW TH3N  
GC: T3LL M3 MOR3 4BOUT TH3S3 M1R4CL3 S4NDW1CH3S

 

 

\-- adiosToreador [AT] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] \--

AT: hEY,  
AT: uH,  
AT: kARKAT,   
CG: THE FUCK DO YOU WANT.   
AT: nOTHING, i JUST GOT UP AND, uH, SAW THAT YOU WERE ONLINE,  
AT: aND SINCE YOU'RE PRETTY MUCH NEVER ONLINE WHEN I AM, i THOUGHT, mAYBE WE COULD TALK,  
AT: oR, uHH, iF YOU DON'T WANT TO, i GUESS THAT WOULD BE OKAY TOO,   
CG: NO. I DO NOT HAVE THE ENERGY OR THE MOTIVATION TO PUT UP WITH THE COMMA-RIDDEN KEYBOARD SEIZURES YOU CALL TYPING RIGHT NOW.  
CG: BECAUSE HEY! HERE'S SOME CRAZY NEWS!  
CG: YOU KNOW WHERE THE SUN GOES WHEN IT'S NOT ON YOUR SIDE OF THE PLANET?  
CG: IT ENDS UP ON MY SIDE OF THE PLANET! ISN'T THAT AMAZING! AREN'T YOU JUST STUNNED BY THIS FUCKING AMAZING DEVELOPMENT?   
AT: uM,   
CG: IT'S THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY HERE, DIPSHIT.  
CG: I'VE BEEN SPARRING ALL NIGHT.  
CG: I'M EXHAUSTED.  
CG: NOT EVERYBODY HAS IT AS EASY AS THE FUCKING PONY CORPS.   
AT: wELL, tHAT'S PROBABLY TRUE, eVEN IF YOU MAYBE DIDN'T HAVE TO WORD IT LIKE THAT,  
AT: iT'S A LOT EASIER FOR ME THAN THE OTHER RECRUITS,  
AT: bECAUSE OF, uHH, tHE ANIMAL COMMUNION THING, i GUESS,   
CG: OK TAVROS, I REALLY, *REALLY* DON'T CARE.  
CG: YOU'RE NOT DEAD YET; I CAN FIRE OFF THE TWO MEASLY BRAIN CELLS REQUIRED TO REALIZE THAT YOU'RE DOING FINE.  
CG: BUT MY RECUPERACOON.  
CG: IT CALLS TO ME.   
AT: oH, oK,  
AT: uHH, bEFORE YOU LOG OFF THOUGH,   
CG: OH GOD WHAT NOW.   
AT: i THINK, i SHOULD MENTION,  
AT: tHAT MY TRAINING, fOR THE CAVALREAPERS, iS GOING TO BE FINISHED IN ANOTHER COUPLE OF DAYS,  
AT: aND THEY'RE SENDING MY SQUAD TO THE WARFRONT ON, uH,  
AT: wELL I GUESS COLONY WORLD 1025, iS WHAT THEY'RE GOING TO CALL IT, wHEN WE COLONIZE IT,   
CG: OH, HUH. REALLY?  
CG: CONGRATULATIONS, MAN. I'VE STILL GOT THREE MORE WEEKS.   
AT: yEAH, i KNOW,  
AT: bUT THEY'LL PROBABLY SEND YOU TO 1025, wHEN YOU'RE DONE, bECAUSE OF ALL THE HOSTILES, rESISTING COLONIZATION,  
AT: sO MAYBE I'LL SEE YOU THERE,   
CG: JUST MAKE SURE YOU LEAVE SOMETHING FOR ME TO KILL.   
AT: i'M NOT SURE HOW MUCH, cONTROL OVER THAT I'LL HAVE,  
AT: bUT OK,   
CG: OH...  
CG: AND DON'T DIE, I GUESS.

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling adiosToreador [AT] \--

 

 

\-- twinArmageddons [TA] logged on to server: Fold2pace --

\-- arachnidsGrip [AG] logged on to server: Fold2pace --

\-- apocalypseArisen [AA] logged on to server: Fold2pace --

\-- centaursTesticle [CT] logged on to server: Fold2pace --

TA: alriight guy2, 2tatu2 report.   
AA: after pr0curing a new huskt0p i have been running the pr0gram n0nst0p f0r several days  
AA: n0 further expl0si0ns have 0ccured   
AG: No pro8lems on my end!   
CT: D--> Indeed  
CT: D--> My computer has e%perienced no ill effects   
AG: And would you look at that, mister paaaaaaaaranoid. None of us have 8een horri8ly mutated by space radiation!   
TA: you 2ure vk?  
TA: you were kiind of ugly already 2o iit miight be hard two tell.   
AG: Oh ha ha ha.  
AG: I'll let that one slide, cause it's pro8a8ly pretty hard to see me with those stro8e lights on your face.   
TA: at lea2t ii have two of them.   
AA: c0uld we n0t have this argument right n0w  
AA: is that a thing we c0uld p0ssibly d0   
TA: whatever.  
TA: iit wa2 a valiid concern, we are defyiing the law2 of phy2iic2 iin 2o many horriible way2.  
TA: ii 2wear troll i2aac newton ii2 probably rolliing iin hi2 grave riight now.   
CT: D--> Nonetheless, the program is sound  
CT: D--> You are to be commended for your e%pertise, lowb100d  
CT: D--> I commend you   
TA: gee thank2.   
CT: D--> Yes  
CT: D--> Both you and Aradia have risen admirably to the task  
CT: D--> Despite your natural disadvantages   
TA: you know ii hone2tly cant tell iif that wa2 a compliiment.   
CT: D--> It was meant to be   
AG: Well good, are we done?  
AG: It's pretty o8vious nothing's gonna go horri8ly wrong, so it's kind of stupid to keep testing.   
TA: aa?   
AA: the v0ices are certain that we have d0ne all we can t0 satisfy predestiny  
AA: whether the pr0gram suceeds 0r fails it will d0 s0 because it was destined t0  
AA: regardless 0f c0mputer err0r 0r lack there0f   
AG: Gr8!  
AG: Now say that again 8ut without all the fancy schmancy mystical 8ullshit.   
AA: 0_0  
AA: the v0ices in my head say it will w0rk  
AA: unless its destined n0t t0 in which case we cant really d0 anything ab0ut it anyway   
TA: that ii2 ju2t 2o encouragiing.  
TA: ii gue22 that mean2 iit2 tiime two tell captaiin iimpatiient hii2 program ii2 ready.  
TA: al2o, ii can't beliive iim 2ayiing thii2 but you guy2 were really profe22iional about thii2.  
TA: not telliing anybody out2iide the loop or anythiing.   
CT: D--> Er   
TA: whiich ii2 kiind of 2urprii2iing, but uh, good job.   
AG: And you dou8ted us. >::::)  
AG: Paaaaaaaaranooooooooid.   
TA: con2iideriing all the many MANY rea2on2 ii had two doubt you, vk  
TA: yeah, not really 2omethiing two gloat about.   
AG: Well I didn't tell anyone, did I? You are soooooooo paranoid and o8sessive and I think I deserve more credit than that!  
AG: Geeze, it's like you expected me to 8la8 to the first person I talked to, which, hey, I didn't do!   
TA: ok ii admiit ii wa2 beiing kiind of a jerk two both of you.   
CT: D--> Yes  
CT: D--> It is proper for you to apo100gize  
CT: D--> Such detestable mistrust of your superiors is una%ceptable  
CT: D--> But the important thing is that the secret has been kept

\-- arsenicCatnip [AC] logged on to server: Fold2pace --

TA: oh my god what.   
AG: 8ussssssssteeeeeeeed.   
CT: D--> Fiddlesticks   
AC: :33 < *ac leaps down from the branch of a tall tr33 and bares her fangs*  
AC: :33 < *she eyes her startled prey*  
AC: :33 < *and with a flick of her tail she pounces on the thr33 unsuspecting trolls!*   
CT: D--> Nepeta  
CT: D--> Did I not e%pressly tell you never to log on to this server unless I invite you   
AC: :33 < *she tackles her boring no-fun meowrail to the ground and says maaaaaaaybe*   
CT: D--> Yes  
CT: D--> I did  
CT: D--> You should not be here   
TA: no 2hiit 2he 2houldnt!  
TA: ii told you two keep thii2 a 2ecret!   
AC: :33 < aw but sollux!  
AC: :33 < you didnt mean meeeee right?  
AC: :33 < *ac says with her biggest roundest eyes*   
CT: D--> Clearly Nepeta is e%empt from your 100dicrous vow of secrecy  
CT: D--> I have no secrets from her   
AC: :33 < *she crinkles her nose a bit distastefully and mutters sometimes i wish you did!*   
CT: D--> Silence   
AC: :33 < *ac mimes it instead*   
TA: ii cant beliieve you people!  
TA: get her out of my fuckiing 2erver eq!   
AG: Haha, nice going Equius. All this time Sollux was worried I'D 8e the one to mess things up.  
AG: And now heeeeeeeere we are. :::;)   
AA: t0 be fair y0u did tell kanaya   
TA: FUCKIING HELL.   
AG: Y8u lying little snitch! >::::P   
AA: 0_0  
AA: which am i  
AA: a liar 0r a snitch   
AG: What?   
AA: if i was a liar i c0uldnt be a snitch because i w0uldnt be telling 0n y0u whereas if i was a snitch i w0uld be giving accurate inf0rmati0n ab0ut y0ur misdeeds which means i w0uldnt be a liar   
AC: :33 < h33 h33!   
AG: Oh f8ck you and your stupid l8gic!  
AG: I only l8t it slip to 8ne person! H8w'd you 8ven kn8w????????   
TA: 2he2 p2ychic you moron.  
TA: god damn iit, why diid ii even thiink for one miinute that thii2 wouldnt happen??  
TA: real briight there 2ollux, let2 ju2t get the two back2tabbiing blueblood2 two be our beta te2ter2, no way ii2 that goiing two backfiire horribly!!   
AC: :33 < maybe i should leave? this is purrobably a bad time   
TA: ju2t  
TA: ju2t dont tell anyone, ok np?   
AC: :33 < *ac has already furgotten all about this silly foldspace thing*  
AC: :33 < *she s33s something shiny in the distance and darts off to chase it!*

\-- arsenicCatnip [AC] logged off the server --

TA: now everybody off the 2erver.   
CT: D--> I hardly see how this warrants the fit you are throwing   
TA: ii 2aiid  
TA: get the fuck off  
TA: my motherfuckiing 2erver!!

\-- centaursTesticle's [CT's] computer exploded! --

\-- arachnidsGrip's [AG's] computer exploded! --

AA: 0_0  
AA: was that really necessary   
TA: ye2.  
TA: ye2 iit wa2.

\-- twinArmageddons [TA] invited caligulasAquarium [CA] to join server: Fold2pace --

\-- caligulasAquarium [CA] logged on to server: Fold2pace --

TA: alriight ed, fold2pace ii2 all your2.  
TA: try not two fuck iit up.


	4. Chapter 4

\-- apocalypseArisen [AA] logged on to server: Fold2pace --

\-- apocalypseArisen [AA] invited adiosToreador [AT] to join server: Fold2pace --

\-- adiosToreador [AT] logged on to server: Fold2pace --

AA: c0ngratulati0ns   
AT: wHOA, uM, wHAT?  
AT: aRADIA?   
AA: i am c0ngratulating you  
AA: c0ngratulati0ns   
AT: yEAH, i SORT OF GATHERED THAT,  
AT: bUT,  
AT: uH,  
AT: hOW?  
AT: nOT TO SOUND UNAPPRECIATIVE OR ANYTHING, oF YOUR CONGRATULATIONS,  
AT: bUT AREN'T YOU ON ALTERNIA?   
AA: yes  
AA: that didnt st0p being the place where i was 0r anything   
AT: i DIDN'T THINK IT WAS POSSIBLE FOR YOU TO CONTACT ME, fROM THAT FAR AWAY,  
AT: oTHERWISE I MAYBE WOULD HAVE BEEN TALKING TO MORE PEOPLE,  
AT: wHO WEREN'T KARKAT,   
AA: s0rry  
AA: its c0mplicated   
AT: oH,   
AA: the sh0rt versi0n is  
AA: that eridan c0missi0ned s0llux and me t0 use the techn0l0gy fr0m 0ur game t0 create a chat client n0t b0und t0 0ur physical reality able t0 c0ntact any0ne regardless 0f distance s0 that he c0uld use it t0 facilitate making plans f0r feferis uprising then we agreed t0 keep it a secret between the few pe0ple inv0lved which is why y0u havent heard 0f it until just n0w alth0ugh i suspect l00ming circumstances will f0rce us t0 inv0lve y0u eventually f0r reas0ns i d0nt feel like sharing   
AT: wOW,   
AA: the l0ng versi0n is pretty much the same thing  
AA: but l0nger   
AT: i GUESS THAT WOULD MAKE SENSE,   
AA: as i said s0llux has instructed us n0t t0 tell any0ne f0r fear they w0uld misuse the pr0gram 0r leak inf0rmati0n  
AA: but im n0t g0ing t0 tell y0u t0 d0 that  
AA: partially because i d0nt really care ab0ut the uprising  
AA: and partially because in a few h0urs its n0t g0ing t0 matter   
AT: wHY WON'T IT MATTER?   
AA: because karkat  
AA: anyway c0ngratulati0ns 0n surviving basic training   
AT: oH, tHANKS,   
AA: i w0uld ask y0u h0w y0uve been but i already kn0w  
AA: the v0ices 0f the 0ther recruits y0uve killed have been very descriptive ab0ut y0ur expl0its  
AA: they tell me y0u are 0n the shuttle t0 1025   
AT: yEAH, tHAT'S WHERE I AM,  
AT: aND NOW THAT I'M NOT IN TRAINING ANYMORE I GET TO SEE TINKERBULL AGAIN,  
AT: eVEN THOUGH HE'S TOO SMALL, tO USE AS A MOUNT,  
AT: hE'S STILL GOING TO BE HELPING ME OUT ON THE BATTLEFIELD,  
AT: i AM PRETTY EXCITED ABOUT IT, aCTUALLY, bECAUSE I'M GOING TO FIGHT IN REAL BATTLES NOW, aND USE SOME OF THE SKILLS I'VE BEEN PRACTICING,  
AT: tHEY ARE, mAD SKILLZ, yO  
AT: nOT IN THE ANGRY SENSE, bUT IN THE SENSE THAT THEY ARE IMPRESSIVE,  
AT: aND WILL DEFINITELY MAKE THOSE ALIENS, oN 1025, sORRY THEY GOT IN THE WAY OF OUR MANIFEST DESTINY,   
AA: 0_0  
AA: d0 y0u really believe that   
AT: wHAT,   
AA: manifest destiny  
AA: the utter superi0rity 0f the tr0ll race and its duty t0 destr0y all 0ther civilizati0ns   
AT: uH,  
AT: wELL, nO, nOT REALLY,  
AT: bUT IT WAS SOMETHING THEY TALKED ABOUT A LOT, wHEN I WAS IN TRAINING,  
AT: aND I FEEL LIKE MAYBE IT'S A THING I'M SUPPOSED TO BELIEVE, aND, uHH, tHINK IS IMPORTANT,  
AT: eVEN THOUGH I DON'T REALLY, uNDERSTAND IT,   
AA: i see  
AA: im n0t sure why i asked that actually since it d0esnt matter if y0uve been brainwashed int0 that m0de 0f thinking 0r n0t  
AA: it d0esnt change anything   
AT: mAYBE YOU WERE, uM, cONCERNED,  
AT: i KNOW I WOULD BE CONCERNED IF I THOUGHT, oNE OF MY FRIENDS HAD BEEN BRAINWASHED,   
AA: what d0es c0ncern feel like   
AT: kIND OF LIKE,  
AT: wORRYING ABOUT, hOW A PERSON IS DOING, aND IN THIS CASE I GUESS IF THEY ARE ACTING, nOT NORMAL,   
AA: 0h  
AA: n0 i d0nt think ive ever felt that  
AA: huh   
AT: }:(   
AA: are y0u excited ab0ut y0ur legs   
AT: wHAT?  
AT: oH, i'VE BEEN TRYING NOT TO, uH, tHINK ABOUT THAT, tOO MUCH, aCTUALLY,  
AT: i GUESS, gETTING THESE PROSTHETICS IS A PRETTY MAJOR SURGERY,  
AT: aND THERE'S A CHANCE I COULD,   
AA: 0_0   
AT: wELL,  
AT: tHEY SAY MOST PEOPLE, uM, sURVIVE, sO I REALLY SHOULDN'T BE WORRIED,  
AT: sO, yES, i AM EXCITED,   
AA: y0ull be fine  
AA: that is n0t an 0ptimistic placati0n y0u will quite literally be fine   
AT: fINE AS IN, aBLE TO WALK, aND ALSO NOT DEAD, oR ANY OTHER DEFINITION OF FINE THAT YOU MIGHT HAVE, tHAT ISN'T THE DEFINITION OF FINE THAT I HAVE,   
AA: 0_0   
AT: iT'S JUST THAT, a LOT OF THE TIME YOU SAY THINGS, tHAT, uH, dON'T MEAN WHAT THEY SOUND LIKE YOU MEAN,   
AA: tavr0s  
AA: y0u will be fine   
AT: oK,,,,,,   
AA: thats all i really wanted t0 say t0 y0u s0 im l0gging 0ff n0w  
AA: but tavr0s  
AA: i think if pride was an em0ti0n i was capable 0f feeling i w0uld be pr0ud 0f y0u   
AT: tHAT,  
AT: tHAT MEANS A LOT TO ME, aRADIA,   
AA: i kn0w

\-- apocalypseArisen [AA] logged off the server --

AT: wAIT,

\-- adiosToreador [AT] invited apocalypseArisen [AA] to join server: Fold2pace --

\-- apocalypseArisen [AA] logged on to server: Fold2pace --

AA: what   
AT: wELL,  
AT: i WAS WONDERING, sINCE WE HAVEN'T REALLY TALKED TO EACH OTHER, iN, uH, a LONG TIME,  
AT: wHY YOU WERE CONGRATULATING ME, oN GETTING THROUGH BASIC TRAINING,   
AA: its imp0rtant t0 y0u   
AT: yEAH,  
AT: bUT I DIDN'T THINK WE WERE FRIENDS ANYMORE,  
AT: oR THAT YOU WERE FRIENDS WITH ANYONE, aFTER THE ACCIDENT,  
AT: sO I GUESS IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE TO ME, tHAT YOU'D CARE ABOUT HOW I WAS DOING, oR WANT TO, uH, cONGRATULATE ME,   
AA: n0 i d0nt really care  
AA: but i think i used t0  
AA: and thats imp0rtant t0 me  
AA: see y0u in a few h0urs when karkat ruins everything

\-- apocalypseArisen [AA] logged off the server --

\-- adiosToreador [AT] logged off the server --

 

 

 

\-- caligulasAquarium [CA] logged on to server: Fold2pace --

\-- caligulasAquarium [CA] invited arachnidsGrip [AG] to join server: Fold2pace --

\-- arachnidsGrip [AG] logged on to server: Fold2pace --

AG: Uhg, Eridan, we're seriously doing this noooooooow????????   
CA: wwell yeah  
CA: wwhy you got a problem wwith it  
CA: thought you wwere bored stiff ovver on the commandant octavvius aint like im interruptin anythin   
AG: See now why would you just assume that? May8e I was doing something super important, and you are a8solutely interrupting it!   
CA: an wwhat else could you possibly be doin huh  
CA: more important than THE FATE A THE FUCKIN ALTERNIAN EMPIRE   
AG: Oh 8luh 8luh f8 of the fucking Alternian Empire. You don't gotta 8e so MELODRAMATIC a8out it.   
CA: im right though aint i   
AG: Look, dorsalface, I've had a lot of crap on my mind all of a sudden, and may8e I need some time to think things through 8efore I waste it all helping you with your stupid genocide thing!   
CA: its not my genocide thing its fefs empress thing   
AG: Eridan.  
AG: It is aaaaaaaalwaaaaaaaays your genocide thing.   
CA: i cant believve youre lettin your personal problems get in the wway a the neww wworld order how shellfish can you get  
CA: wwe got an empress ta kill an youre ovver here thinkin things through

\-- arachnidsGrip [AG] invited centaursTesticle [CT] to join server: Fold2pace --

CA: hey dont you ignore me were not through talkin yet

\-- centaursTesticle [CT] logged on to server: Fold2pace --

CA: i dont care how much crap you got lodged in your fuckin pan you gotta havve priorities here girl   
AG: >::::P  
AG: I have soooooooo many priorities Eridan. Don't throw a fit just 8ecause they don't line up all pretty with your stupid priorities.   
CT: D --> As much as I regret breaking up this juvenile spat  
CT: D --> And do understand  
CT: D --> The regret is minimal  
CT: D --> There are items on the agenda that should be accomplished   
AG: Okaaaaaaaay fiiiiiiiine.   
CT: D --> I assume we're here to discuss the status of the IG   
AG: As if we haven't done that a million times already. Gooooooood, what's the point????????   
CA: look i just gotta knoww howw things are goin  
CA: is this thing evver gonna happen or are wwe just blowwin bubbles here makin yet another hunk a junk that aint gonna wwork   
AG: Oh please, all the doomsday devices we made for you 8ack on Alternia worked perfectly until you 8roke them.   
CA: i didnt break them they wwere shoddy an i think somebody augtta put some more pride in her wwork wwhen her kismesis givves her a fuckin job ta do   
AG: They weren't shoddy. You 8roke 'em.   
CA: i didnt break them   
CT: D --> You broke them  
CT: D --> Vriska and I have always inc100ded operating manuals for our doomsday weapons however you have yet to read any of them  
CT: D --> Leading to improper handling of the device   
CA: oh sure just gang up on me equ  
CA: they wwere fuckin shoddy an you better make this one wwork or see if i commission you for anyfin again  
CA: noww tell me how you sandeatin airwwalkers are makin progress on my wweapon   
AG: Say please ~   
CA: suck a sea slug serket   
AG: Suck a sea slug Serket please ~   
CT: D --> You will both cease this f001ish display  
CT: D --> I mean  
CT: D --> Serket, you will cease  
CT: D --> Ampora, I request that you cease  
CT: D --> I have our notes here in front of me  
CT: D --> If you stop this wanton flirting for a moment I will relay them   
CA: yeah wwhatevver go ahead  
CA: givve little miss emotional ovver there some time to think about her personal problems anywway   
AG: I said I had crap on my mind, I didn't say it was personal pro8lems. ::::I   
CT: D --> Are you finished   
CA: i said go ahead didnt i   
CT: D --> Well then  
CT: D --> Significant progress is being made on the IG  
CT: D --> When we first began the weapon was e%tremely effective against Serket and made little impact on myself  
CT: D --> Whereas more recent tests have proved her to be relatively immune and myself highly vulnerable   
CA: wwell i assume thats some kinda good newws seein as thats wwhat wwe wwant it to do   
CT: D --> Er  
CT: D --> No  
CT: D --> That wasn't what we wanted it to do at all   
CA: yes it wwas  
CA: if its done just hand it ovver already so wwe can get this uprising goin   
CT: D --> We are far from done  
CT: D --> The Inverted Glub may require some further calibration  
CT: D --> Due to unforseen  
CT: D --> Complications   
AG: Oh geeeeeeeeze, just tell him already!  
AG: The whole thing's a flop.   
CT: D --> You requested we use the recording you provided to make a weapon that would specifically target Her Imperial Condescension  
CT: D--> Which is proving to be difficult   
AG: What it's 8asically doing right now is killing any8ody in the upper levels of the hemospectrum.  
AG: It knocked Sweatquius out for like an hour, so just imagine what it'd do to you and Feferi. If you use this thing, you're screwed!   
CA: wwait so i wwent through all the trouble a recordin fefs screamin deathsquid an all you came up wwith wwas a sound that kills highbloods instead a lowwbloods  
CA: i dont remember askin for a fuckin suicide machine here   
AG: Oh keep your pants on Eridan, we're not doooooooone with it yet!   
CT: D --> I have no doubt targeting one specific degree of the hemospectrum is possible  
CT: D --> But we need more time   
AG: Well maybe if we had some8ody a little higher up to test it on we wouldn't need so much time. >::::)   
CT: D --> We are not inv001ving the highb100d  
CT: D --> Stop asking   
CA: you can test it on anybody i know an evverybody i dont for all i care  
CA: i got no use for some fuckin deathnoise thats gonna kill me as soon as i turn it on so you better get off your asses and make my doomsday devvice wwork for once  
CA: spoilers here but my neww wworld order might not havve room for incompetent fuckin brinesuckers wwho cant evven do that   
AG: If we can't get this to work, there's not gonna 8E a new world order, fish8reath!  
AG: So I'd stop whining and let us do our jo8.   
CA: nah sea i got backup plans here  
CA: kinda expected you two to make a complete mess outta this so evven if you cant fix it i got this idea of howw to use it  
CA: just means a lot more seadwwellers are gonna die is all   
CT: D --> Oh my   
CA: hold on  
CA: fefs messagin me  
CA: just do wwhat you havve to so it doesnt kill me an fef an ill get back to you in a couple days i gotta deal wwith this  
CA: an wwhatevver you do dont tell fef

\-- caligulasAquarium [CA] logged off the server --

AG: Man, what is his deeeeeeeeaaaaaaaal????????   
CT: D --> I suspect  
CT: D --> Personal problems   
AG: Ha! You think?   
CT: D --> On that subject  
CT: D --> What is your deal  
CT: D --> Not so very long ago you were complaining constantly about your boredom  
CT: D --> And now you complain constantly that you have too much on your mind  
CT: D --> Although I hardly have any interest in the state of your own personal problems it is getting in the way of our work   
AG: Wow, a little privacy???????? I just said it wasn't personal pro8lems.  
AG: If anything they are Kanaya's personal pro8lems. It's not a 8ig deal and I'm totally h8ppy for her. So don't pry into it!   
CT: D --> In order to pry  
CT: D --> I would have to care  
CT: D --> Whatever it is you will get over it

\-- centaursTesticle [CT] logged off the server --

AG: L8usy stup8d 8ellaa Swanne.

\-- arachnidsGrip [AG] logged off the server --

 

 

\-- untraceableUsurper [UU] began trolling caligulasAquarium [CA] \--

UU: We need to talk.  
CA: wwell fuck  
UU: O)( my glub, -Eridan! W)(y do you ALWAYS react like t)(at?  
UU: I'm not going to bite your )(ead off, I just want to )(ave a conversation.  
CA: fef please  
CA: due respect an all but lets face the facts here  
CA: no wwoman in history has evver said those wwords cause she just wwants to havve a convversation  
UU: Um, yes t)(ey )(ave? 38/  
CA: no sea  
CA: i knoww exactly wwhere this is goin  
CA: i did somethin to insult your delicate wwoman nature an now youre gonna lay inta me for hours wwithout tellin me wwhat i did  
UU: O)( for the glub of god, just come over to my room so I can talk to you!  
CA: im right aint i  
UU: GLUB GLUB GLUB NO!  
CA: wwell im not wwalkin across half the ship just so you can yell at me to my face  
UU: I'm not mad at you! I'm just a little bit worried. You've been acting reely seacretive lately!  
UU: And you are being SO D-EF-ENSIV-E! I t)(ink maybe you )(ave a guilty conscience.  
CA: thats a load a fuckin billfish  
CA: i aint got any seacrets from you  
UU: O)( yea)(? W)(at about all t)(ose meetings you keep )(aving wit)( -Equius and Vriska???  
UU: You won't let me sit in on t)(em and you won't tell me w)(at t)(ey're about!  
UU: T)(is is my uprising too you know. It's R-E-ELY FRUSTRATING to be left out like t)(is!!!  
CA: thats just wwar stuff  
CA: i knoww vviolence upsets you fef im just tryin to be sensitivve  
UU: I'm not stupid! >38(  
UU: I know t)(e t)(ree of you are not just glubbing around about "war stuff."  
CA: wwhoa wwhat are you accusin me of  
UU: T)(at's just it, -Eridan! I don't know!  
UU: I want to trust you w)(en you say you )(ave plans, but I can't do t)(at if you keep )(iding t)(ings from me.  
UU: 38(  
CA: see this thing youre doin  
CA: this is exactly what i said you wwere gonna do  
CA: bitin my head off wwhen i didnt do a glubbin thing  
UU: -ERIDAN AR-E YOU PLOTTING MASS G-ENOCID-E???  
CA: wwhat  
CA: fef  
CA: fef howw can you say that  
UU: I'm sorry -Eridan, but I )(ave just been really worrying about t)(is!  
UU: I know you've been working on t)(e w)(ole genocide t)(ing and you've been doing so well and I'm SUP-ER proud of you!  
UU: But I )(ave t)(is )(orrible feeling t)(at you're plotting somet)(ing awful!!! W)(y else wouldn't you tell me about it?  
CA: maybe for all the reasons i ALREADY TOLD YOU  
CA: like that wwar is a pretty vviolent bloody evvil mess of shit an im tryin to be a good moirail and protect you from havving to think about it  
CA: but nooooo you havve to assume oh its eris genocide thing  
UU: I am not just assuming!!! >380  
UU: You never let me in on your meetings!  
UU: You never talk about your plans w)(ere I can )(ear t)(em!!  
UU: Tell me, mister GOOD MOIRAIL, w)(y is everyone on the Ultravires a redblood??? >38(  
CA: wwhoa racist much  
UU: O)( don't give me t)(at! Did you t)(ink I wouldn't notice? I'm not D-EAF DUMB AND BLIND, mister general!  
UU: It is pretty obvious t)(is is a lowblood s)(ip!  
UU: You're always saying )(ow muc)( you )(ate landdwellers, w)(y would you pick a s)(ip full of t)(em to be our allies? I t)(ink you're planning to send t)(em on some suicide mission... or use t)(em as CANNON FODD----ER!!!! >38O  
CA: FOR YOUR FUCKIN INFORMATION  
CA: i picked a ship full a scum suckin lowwbloods because the empress aint gonna look for us here  
CA: scum suckin lowwbloods wwho all happen to be powwerful psionics ready to tear her imperial ass up for us cause i offered them a place at the fuckin top  
CA: thats ALL  
CA: i aint sendin them to their deaths  
CA: and for the record i aint comin up wwith some sick plan to build a superwweapon thats gonna wwipe out the top half a the hemospectrum leavin our dirtblooded army unscathed BECAUSE THAT WWOULD BE REAL FUCKIN IMPRACTICAL OK  
CA: so stop assumin its my genocide thing evvery damn time  
CA: just  
CA: im better than that ok  
UU: O)( glub...  
UU: -Eridan, I'm sorry. 38(  
CA: i try to be a good moirail an you just assume i aint evven tryin  
UU: I know you're trying! I can tell you're trying really )(ard!!  
UU: And I guess I am so used to keeping your genocide t)(ing in c)(eck, maybe I'm just looking for it everyw)(ere now.  
UU: You're right, it's not fair of me to just assume t)(at.  
CA: wwell then dont  
CA: i keep tellin you i got plans  
CA: all you gotta do is trust me  
UU: I do trust you! I would trust you wit)( my w)(ole life.  
UU: I just wis)( I knew w)(at kind of crazy sc)(emes I was putting my trust in sometimes. 38/  
CA: you call that trust  
UU: -Eridan...  
UU: Just come to my room already, ok? We'll get a pile going and we can glub about our feelings until we've fixed t)(is.  
UU: 38)  
CA: yeah fine  
CA: ill be there in a minute i gotta do somefin first

\-- caligulasAquarium [CA] ceased trolling untraceableUsurper [UU] --

 

 

\-- caligulasAquarium [CA] logged on to server: Fold2pace --

\-- caligulasAquarium [CA] invited carcinoGeneticist [CG] to join server: Fold2pace --

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] logged on to server: Fold2pace --

CA: kar i need some romantic advvice  
CA: fef an i just had a fight an i yelled at her a lot an now she doesnt trust me an i gotta convvince her im right wwithout comin off as a basshole  
CA: kar are you there   
CG: HOLY MOTHER OF FUCK.   
CA: yeah i knoww i just dont get wwhat her problem is   
CG: WHAT IS THIS.  
CG: I THOUGHT YOU WERE OFF CHASING HER IMPERIAL CONDESCENSION OR SOMETHING, WHY ARE YOU HERE TALKING TO ME RIGHT NOW.  
CG: DID YOU JUST GIVE UP ON THIS WHOLE REVOLUTION THING OR WHAT.   
CA: oh yeah its sols foldspace servver  
CA: i mean it kar i need help wwith this relationship thing   
CG: SOL'S FOLDSPACE SERVER.   
CA: it just lets you talk to anybody anywwhere that aint the issue here kar i am havvin a crisis   
CG: SOL'S FOLDSPACE SERVER.  
CG: SOL'S. FUCKING. FOLDSPACE. SERVER.   
CA: uh

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] invited twinArmageddons [TA] to join server: Fold2pace --

\-- twinArmageddons [TA] logged on to server: Fold2pace --

CG: YOU MADE A SERVER THAT LETS YOU TALK TO ANYBODY ANYWHERE, AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN BOTHER TO TELL ME ABOUT THIS?   
TA: well crap.   
CG: YOU COULDN'T EVEN KEEP IN FUCKING TOUCH WHEN IT WAS JUST ONE PATHETIC LITTLE MOUSE CLICK AWAY?   
CA: kar i need emotional support   
TA: ed what diid you do?  
TA: oh god why would you tell kk  
TA: why would you do that   
CG: I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS MAN, WHAT THE HELL?   
TA: ok chiill your jet2 for a 2econd kk.  
TA: thii2 ii2nt ju2t any chat program, iit2 liike the central hub of the revolutiion. we had two keep iit a 2ecret.   
CG: OH REALLY.  
CG: YOU HAD TO KEEP IT A SECRET FROM ME. THERE WAS SUCH A HUGE FUCKING ISSUE THAT I MIGHT GO SPILL MY SECRET GUTS TO THE EMPRESS.   
TA: iit wa2nt anythiing agaiin2t you per2onally. iit2 ju2t that the more people who knew the more liikely iit wa2 for the 2ecret two get out.   
CG: WHEN I SAID GOODBYE TO EVERYBODY ON ALTERNIA I EXPECTED IT TO BE FOREVER YOU INSENSITIVE SELFISH ASSHOLE.  
CG: DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MANY MONTHS I'VE SPENT DROWNING IN A ROILING PUNCTUATION SEA OF GRATUITOUS COMMAS?  
CG: DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT THAT'S BEEN LIKE?   
TA: look ii told you  
TA: we kept you out of the loop for a rea2on, iit wa2nt 2uppo2ed two be 2ome per2onal affront two you.   
CG: WELL IT SURE FEELS LIKE SOME PERSONAL AFFRONT!  
CG: WHY AM I HEARING ABOUT THIS FROM ERIDAN? I SHOULD HAVE BEEN HEARING ABOUT IT FROM YOU. YOU SHOULD BE SAYING "HEY KK LOOK WHAT I MADE, NOW YOU CAN STAY IN TOUCH WITH ALL THOSE PEOPLE WHO WERE AS GOOD AS DEAD TO YOU, ISN'T THAT FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC?"  
CG: WHO ELSE IS IN YOUR LITTLE SECRET FRIEND LOOP?   
TA: iit2 not a 2ecret friiend loop!

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] invited terminallyCapricious [TC] to join server: Fold2pace --

\-- terminallyCapricious [TC] logged on to server: Fold2pace --

TA: kk what the fuck!   
CG: DID YOU KNOW ABOUT THIS?  
CG: TELL ME YOU DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT THIS BECAUSE IF YOU KNEW ABOUT THIS AND YOU DIDN'T TELL ME I SWEAR I'M GOING TO TEAR MY OWN ARMS OFF, SHOVE THEM UP MY NOOK, AND BEAT MY FACE AGAINST THE WALL UNTIL I'M INCAPABLE OF COHERENT THOUGHT; MAYBE THEN I WILL LOOK LIKE THE IDIOT I'VE APPARENTLY BEEN MADE INTO.   
TA: you can't ju2t iinviite people on two the 2erver!  
TA: what part of top 2ecret hub of the rebelliion diid you not under2tand?   
TC: AaWwW HeEeEeEy bEsT FrIeNd!  
TC: KnOw aBoUt wHaT?   
CG: THIS. THIS CHAT PROGRAM RIGHT HERE. DID YOU KNOW ABOUT THIS.   
TC: WhOa  
TC: WhOa fUcK MaN, nObOdY Up aNd tOlD Me tHiS WaS AlL BeInG A ThInG.   
CG: WELL THANK GOD FOR SMALL MIRACLES.  
CG: SOLLUX, YOU'VE JUST SURPASSED GAMZEE IN MY WORST BEST FRIEND LIST. HAVE FUN AT THE TOP OF THE DOUCHEPILE.   
TA: yeah, fiine, ii probably de2erve that.   
TC: SoLlUx bRo wHy yOu gOtTa dO ThAt sHiT? ToP Of tHe dOuChPiLe wAs mY MoThErFuCkIn sPoT. :o(   
CG: THERE IS NO DOUBT IN MY MIND YOU'LL EARN IT BACK.

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] invited grimAuxilliatrix [GA] to join server: Fold2pace --

TA: waiit 2hiit kk 2top!

\-- grimAuxilliatrix [GA] logged on to server: Fold2pace --

TA: ii 2hould have told you!  
TA: ii admiit that! ii am pretty much the wor2t friiend and ii 2hould have kept iin contact wiith you.   
CG: DID YOU KNOW ABOUT THIS?   
GA: I Was Aware Of Its Existence Yes   
CG: GODDAMNIT KANAYA WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?   
GA: In My Defense I Have Never Before Attempted To Make Use Of The Program And Was Unsure As To Its Functions And Limitations  
GA: My Knowledge Goes Only As Far As A Passing Comment From Vriska  
GA: I Am Not Good At Computers Karkat   
CG: ...  
CG: FINE, I'LL BUY THAT.

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] invited arachnidsGrip [AG] to join server: Fold2pace --

\-- arachnidsGrip [AG] logged on to server: Fold2pace --

CG: WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME ABOUT  
CG: ACTUALLY, THAT'S A STUPID QUESTION, NEVERMIND.

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] invited adiosToreador [AT] to join server: Fold2pace --

\-- adiosToreador [AT] logged on to server: Fold2pace --

CG: DID VRISKA TELL YOU?   
AT: uHH,   
TC: HeEeEeEy tAvRoS My mOsT CoNfIdEnT MoThErFuCkEr.  
TC: HoW CoMe yOu dIdN'T TeLl mE NoThIn aBoUt tHiS?   
AG: What the heck is going on in here????????   
TC: UnChIlL, bRoThEr.   
TA: ed told kk.   
AG: Well crap.   
CG: ANSWER THE QUESTION, TAVROS.   
AT: wELL, i SORT OF, uHH, kNEW,  
AT: bUT ONLY SINCE A FEW, hOURS AGO  
AT: sO I HAVEN'T REALLY, hAD A CHANCE TO TELL ANYBODY,  
AT: sORRY GAMZEE,   
TC: AiGhT TaV, aPoLoGy mOtHeRfUcKiN AcCePtEd. YoU WoUlDdA ToLd mE LaTeR, rIgHt?   
AT: yOU KNOW IT,   
TA: no, you wouldnt have, becau2e thii2 wa2 2uppo2ed two be a 2ecret!  
TA: were kiind of haviing a revolutiion over here or diid you forget that?  
TA: fuckiing hell vk ii thought you only told kn   
AG: I did only tell Kanaya!   
TA: ii thought our 2ecret wa2 2afe iif only becau2e 2he2 two iincompetent wiith technology two giive iit away!   
CG: SHE'S STILL IN THE CHATROOM YOU TACTLESS NUBSTAIN.  
CG: SHOW A LITTLE FUCKING COURTESY.   
GA: Thank You Karkat

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] invited gallowsCalibrator [GC] to join server: Fold2pace --

\-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] logged on to server: Fold2pace --

GA: You Should Probably Stop Doing That Though   
CG: DID YOU KNOW ABOUT THIS?  
CG: SOMEHOW I CAN'T PICTURE YOU KNOWING AND NOT USING THIS PROGRAM TO BUG THE EVERLIVING SHIT OUT OF ME, BUT I HAVE TO ASK.   
GC: W3LL H3LLO TH3R3 K4RK4T  
GC: YOU S33M P4RT1CUL4RLY 3NR4G3D TOD4Y   
TA: 2he diidnt know, kk! nobody knew untiil you dragged them all iin here!   
GC: H3H3H3H3   
TA: expect for all the people vk told, APPARENTLY.   
AG: Ugh, for the last time, I did not tell Tavros! >::::P   
TA: well iif you diidnt tell tv who diid?   
AG: I don't know, Sollux! Maybe one of the many many other people who knew a8out your stupid program?   
TC: WaIt fUcK MaYbE It wAs mE  
TC: TaVrOs mOtHeRfUcKeR DiD I Up aNd tElL YoU?   
CG: GAMZEE YOU DIDN'T EVEN KNOW ABOUT THE PROGRAM UNTIL ABOUT FIVE MINUTES AGO, I SINCERELY DOUBT IT WAS YOU.   
AT: i SORT OF, dON'T WANT TO SAY WHO TOLD ME,  
AT: bECAUSE I GET THE FEELING THAT, tHAT PERSON IS IN A LOT OF TROUBLE RIGHT NOW,   
TA: no 2hiit.   
GC: OH Y34H TH4TS R1GHT 1 FOR ON3 W4S TOT4LLY UN4W4R3  
GC: N3P3T4 C3RT41NLY D1DN'T T3LL M3 W33KS 4GO SO W3 COULD ROL3PL4Y OR 4NYTH1NG   
CG: WHAT, SERIOUSLY?   
GC: Y3S TH4T 1S S3R1OUSLY 4 TH1NG TH4T D1DN'T H4PP3N

\-- twinArmageddons [TA] invited arsenicCatnip [AC] to join server: Fold2pace --

\-- arsenicCatnip [AC] logged on to server: Fold2pace --

TA: you told tz??   
AC: :33 < um  
AC: :33 < noooooooo   
TA: 2ee now why dont ii beliieve that.   
CG: HOW COULD YOU NOT TELL ME.  
CG: ANSWER ME THAT, TEREZI, HOW COULD YOU NOT FUCKING TELL ME.   
GC: W3LL ONC3 1 M4ST3R3D TH3 4RT OF NOT OP3N1NG UP 4 CH4T W1NDOW 4ND TYP1NG H3Y K4RK4T CH3CK OUT TH1S CH4TROOM TH1NG 1T W4S PRETTY 34SY  
GC: BY TH3 W4Y SOLLUX D1D YOU M4K3 TH1S  
GC: 1 4M 1MPR3SS3D   
TA: yeah thank2 tz.  
TA: ii told you not two tell anybody np!   
AC: :33 < i know!  
AC: :33 < but there were so many people i hadnt talked to in a long time and i thought it wouldnt hurt if i only told one or two!

\-- twinArmageddons [TA] invited centaursTesticle [CT] to join server: Fold2pace --

\-- centaursTesticle [CT] logged on to server: Fold2pace --

TA: ii told you two tell her not two tell anyone!   
CT: D --> Oh dear  
CT: D --> What has happened   
AG: The muscle8east shit just hit the whirling device, Equ. Soooooooome8ody told Karkat.   
CT: D --> Ah   
TA: diid you al2o tell tavro2?   
AC: :33 < i only told terezi!!!   
GC: W3LL BY D3DUCT1V3 R34SON1NG TH4T ONLY L34V3S ON3 P3RSON DO3SNT 1T >:]   
AT: uM,

\-- apocalypseArisen [AA] logged on to server: Fold2pace --

AA: yes that was me   
TA: are you kiiddiing me aa??   
AA: s0llux  
AA: at this p0int d0es it really matter   
TA: you knew thii2 would happen diidnt you!  
TA: your gho2t po22e told you kk would fiind out and fly off the handle, and you diidnt bother two mentiion thii2??   
AA: yeah pretty much   
TA: do any of you realiize what2 at 2take here?  
TA: the whole uprii2iing ii2 at rii2k becau2e of thii2!!   
CG: THE UPRISING IS NOT AT RISK. WE'VE ALL KNOWN EACH OTHER FOR SWEEPS, NO ONE IS GOING TO GO TURN EVERYTHING OVER TO THE EMPRESS.   
TA: thii2 ii2 ju2t  
TA: 2tupiid and iimmature and ii cannot beliieve you ju2t diid iit!   
CG: ALRIGHT LOOK MAN. MAYBE I SHOULDN'T HAVE GONE OFF LIKE THAT.   
TA: maybe?   
CG: OK, SO I DEFINITELY SHOULDN'T HAVE GONE OFF LIKE THAT.  
CG: UH  
CG: SORRY.  
CG: BUT IF THERE WAS A WAY TO KEEP IN TOUCH, I THINK WE FUCKING DESERVED TO KNOW!   
GA: I Must Voice My Agreement  
GA: None Of Us Intend To Sabotage The Revolution But It Would Have Been Pleasant To Have Access To The Program   
AC: :33 < weve been kind of lonely out here in the empire sollux!   
AT: wE HARDLY EVER HAVE THE CHANCE TO TALK TO EACH OTHER, oR, uHH, hAVE SLAM BATTLES, oR ALL THE STUFF WE USED TO DO BACK ON ALTERNIA,  
AT: wE WON'T TELL ANYBODY,   
TC: YeAh mAn, FuCk tHe eMpReSs.   
GC: WH4T DO YOU S4Y SOLLUX  
GC: 1TS NOT L1K3 W3 4R3 4LL GO1NG TO JUST FORG3T YOUR FUN L1TTL3 PROGR4M 3X1STS NOW SO WHY NOT G1V3 US FR33 R31N   
TA: alriight hold on   
GC: H3H3H3 PL3333444S3 SOLLUX M4Y W3 H4V3 YOUR YUCKY MUST4RD BL3SS1NG   
TA: everybody ju2t hold on for a miinute  
TA: vk, eq, aa?   
AG: I say why not? That secrecy rule was kinda stupid anyway.   
TA: really ii had no iidea you felt that way.  
TA: probably 2hould have gue22ed from the way you keep breakiing iit.   
CT: D --> The two of you will cease these altercations  
CT: D --> The likelihood of one of our inner circle %%ing us is minimal  
CT: D --> And I must e%press some dissent with this boundless restriction against speaking with Nepeta when contact is so readily available   
AC: :33 < awww   
AG: Is it time for another vote? I think it's time for another vote.  
AG: Who's in favor of letting every8ody in on the Foldspace 8eta testing development team? All official-like.   
TA: were not even beta te2tiing iit anymore.  
TA: thii2 ii2 stupiid.   
AG: I vote aye!   
TA: iit2 offiiciial.   
CT: D --> Aye   
TA: ii have lo2t control of everythiing.   
CG: HELL FUCKING AYE.   
AA: my v0te isnt g0ing t0 matter  
AA: but aye   
AC: :33 < *ac lifts a paw high in the air and says AYE!*   
TA: thii2 ii2 probably all my fault.   
GC: 4Y3   
TA: 2ome co2miic force ii2 probably punii2hiing me for 2omethiing.   
AT: sORRY SOLLUX,  
AT: bUT, uM, aYE,   
TA: you know what 2crew you co2miic force.   
GA: I Am In Agreement With The General Consensus And Am Voting In The Affirmative   
TA: and 2crew you kk.   
TC: WhOa wAiT WhAt aRe wE Up aNd vOtInG On?   
CG: JUST AGREE WITH ME, FUCKASS.   
TC: AiGhT BrO I VoTe tHaT.   
TA: 2crew all of you.   
AG: Majority ruuuuuuuules, Sollux!   
TA: yeah that vote wa2 completely poiintle22 2iince you were all goiing two do whatever the hell you wanted anyway  
TA: but thank you 2o much for rubbiing iit iin.  
TA: alriight let2 try two do 2ome damage control here.  
TA: iif ii 2et up 2ome kiind of priivate chat 2y2tem and told you all two 2tay out of the war room and keep clear of all the heavy planning 2tuff, could you at lea2t do that?   
AC: :33 < that would be purrfect!   
GA: That Seems Like A Reasonable Concession  
GA: Karkat Does That Seem Like A Reasonable Concession To You   
CG: YEAH, THAT'S ALL WE REALLY WANTED.   
GA: Might I Suggest That We All Disperse Now   
AT: yEAH,  
AT: hEY GAMZEE,  
AT: dO YOU WANT TO HAVE ANOTHER SLAM BATTLE, wHEN SOLLUX GETS THE PRIVATE CHATROOMS SET UP?   
TC: MoThErFuCkEr dO YoU EvEn gOtTa aSk? :oD

\-- terminallyCapricious [TC] logged off the server --

AG: Ooooooooh, Tavros, we'll have to catch up too. :::;)   
AT: tHAT SOUNDS,  
AT: uHH,

\-- adiosToreador [AT] logged off the server --

AG: >::::I

\-- arachnidsGrip [AG] logged off the server --

GC: W3LL POUNC3LLOR 4R3 YOU PR3P4R3D TO F4C3 TH3 SW1FT 4ND JUST 3ND D3S3RV1NG OF YOUR TR34CH3RY???  
GC: 1T S33MS TH4T SOON 3NOUGH TH3 COURT W1LL B3 1N S3SS1ON ONC3 4G41N   
AC: :33 < *ac was furramed!!*  
AC: :33 < h33 h33

\-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] logged off the server --

CT: D --> Nepeta what have I told you about that 100dicrous practice

\-- arsenicCatnip [AC] logged off the server --

CT: D --> Dash it all

\-- centaursTesticle [CT] logged off the server --

AA: bye s0llux have fun with y0ur c0ding

\-- apocalypseArisen [AA] logged off the server --

GA: That Appears To Be Everyone But The Three Of Us  
GA: I Dont Mean To Meddle But  
GA: Er   
CG: RELAX KANAYA, I'M GETTING TO IT. NO MEDDLING REQUIRED.   
GA: Right Sorry  
GA: Ill Just

\-- grimAuxilliatrix [GA] logged off the server --

CG: I'M SORRY I MADE THIS INTO SUCH A HUGE FUCKING ISSUE. I GUESS I JUST FELT LIKE YOU DIDN'T TRUST ME OR SOMETHING.   
TA: no ii get that  
TA: sorry ii diidnt tell you.  
TA: youre riight, you 2hould have heard iit from me. gue22 iim ju2t kiind of a bad friiend 2ometiime2.   
CG: OH DON'T YOU FUCKING START THAT AGAIN.  
CG: THIS WAS JUST SORT OF A WEIRD SITUATION, OK? AND WE BOTH REACTED TO IT LIKE IDIOTS.  
CG: YOU MORESO THAN ME.   
TA: kk are you kiidiing me you were haviing 2ome kiind of temper tantrum.   
CG: I WAS NOT.   
TA: dude you were actiing liike a two 2weep old.  
TA: iif the fate of the empiire wa2nt on the liine here iid 2ay iit wa2 kiind of hiilariiou2.   
CG: YOU WERE THE ONE WHINING ABOUT HOW EVERYTHING WAS RUINED AND OH BOO HOO MY POOR SECRETS.   
TA: alriight iit wa2 totally hiilariiou2.   
CG: BOO HOO, NOW EVERYBODY KNOWS ABOUT MY SECRET PROGRAM, BOOOOO HOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOO.   
TA: ehehe oh 2ollux man why diidnt you tell me how could you leave me out of your 2ecret friiend loop??   
CG: MY SECRET PROGRAM, KK, HOW COULD YOU??   
TA: your 2ecret friiend loop 2ollux iit2 2o 2ecret and exclu2iive why wa2nt ii iinviited why 2ollux whhhhhhy   
CG: IT WAS SO SECRET AND SPECIAL AND YOU RUINED IT MAN, HOW COULD YOU DO THAT, IT WAS SO SPECIAL AND UNTOUCHED  
CG: LIKE A SPARKLING VIRGIN TROLLIET, PROTECTED BY MY WALLS OF SECRECY.   
TA: trolliiet giirl iit2 me kk ii cant 2tand prii2tiine viirgiin 2ecrecy.  
TA: tear down your wall2 and behold my paiil of expo2ure.   
CG: OH KARKAT OH   
TA: ....   
CG: .......   
TA: well that got weiird.   
CG: LET'S NEVER TALK ABOUT THIS AGAIN.   
TA: yyyyep.

\-- twinArmageddons [TA] logged off the server --

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] logged off the server --

 

 

CA: kar  
CA: wwhat about my emotional issues

\-- untraceableUsurper [UU] logged on to server: Fold2pace --

UU: You. Me. Feelings jam. NOW.

\-- untraceableUsurper [UU] logged off the server --

\-- caligulasAquarium [CA] logged off the server --


	5. Chapter 5

\-- arachnidsGrip [AG] logged on to server: Fold2pace --

\-- arachnidsGrip [AG] opened private chat with adiosToreador [AT] \--

\-- waiting for adiosToreador [AT] \--

AG: ........  
AG: Come oooooooon, log on already!

\-- adiosToreador [AT] is not online! --

AG: The hell you're not!

 

 

\-- arachnidsGrip [AG] opened private chat with twinArmageddons [TA] \--

\-- twinArmageddons [TA] joined private chat --

TA: what?   
AG: I found a 8ug in your private chat thingy.   
TA: yeah wow that2 2o unexpected.  
TA: ii mean iit2 not liike ii wa2 forced by group vote two throw that part of the program twogether at the la2t miinute or anythiing, how diid that even happen?   
AG: Pft, are you still throwing a fit a8out that? What iiiiiiiis it with you and grudges????????   
TA: that wa2 la2t niight.   
AG: Yeah! Insanely long grudges!   
TA: oh my god vk ju2t tell me what the problem ii2 2o ii can go back two pretendiing ii liive iin a world where you dont exii2t.  
TA: ii liiked iit there. everyone wa2 happy all the tiime.   
AG: >::::I  
AG: Wow, stro8e-lights, what a jerk I am to keep you from your fantasy land. Are you less of a reclusive dysfunctional nerdling in there or was that just too much for you to imagine?   
TA: oh lol  
TA: ii am 2o emotiionally dii2traught   
AG: Man, just fix this stupid 8ug for me! I have 8etter things to do than 8anter with your moody ass.   
TA: no you dont.  
TA: face iit giirl iit2 pretty much common knowledge by now that youre bored out of your miind and you have no iiron2 iin the fire.  
TA: waiit no...   
AG: Ooooooooh my gooooooood why are you so terri8le.   
TA: noooooooone of the iiron2!  
TA: none of theeeeeeeeem!   
AG: That was nine Es, stupid.   
TA: alriight priince22 what2 your bug.   
AG: Fiiiiiiiinally.  
AG: I can't get ahold of Tavros. I'm getting some message a8out him not 8eing online.   
TA: are you 2eriiou2?  
TA: iit2 2ayiing he2 not onliine becau2e he2 NOT ONLIINE, why would you even thiink that wa2 a bug.   
AG: 8ecause this is the twenty-first freakin century and no one is ever not online? He's avoiding me, that's gotta 8e it.   
TA: ii wonder why.   
AG: ::::/  
AG: Can't you hack his gru8top or something and make him get online?   
TA: you have no iidea how hackiing work2, do you.  
TA: look, he2 probably ju2t away from hii2 computer riight now. try agaiin later and you 2hould be able two connect wiith hiim ju2t fiine.   
AG: He's 8een away from his computer for like, hoooooooours though! I've 8een trying to chat with him pretty much all night.   
TA: wow you really are bored.   
AG: Oh can it. Does any8ody know where he is?   
TA: well iidk you could try kk.  
TA: ii thiink they were 2tatiioned on the 2ame planet for a whiile.   
AG: Gr8!

\-- arachnidsGrip [AG] closed private chat --

TA: youre fuckiing welcome.

 

 

\-- arachnidsGrip [AG] opened private chat with carcinoGeneticist [CG] \--

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] joined private chat --

AG: Heeeeeeeey Karkat!   
CG: WHAT THE HELL, WHY DOESN'T THIS PROGRAM HAVE A BLOCK FEATURE.   
AG: Ugh, why is everyone so hoooooooostiiiiiiiile tonight????????   
CG: DON'T BE CUTE AND PRETEND YOU DON'T KNOW. YOU ARE THE UNIVERSE'S STAR BRIDGEBURNER.  
CG: YOU'VE TURNED THE BURNING OF BRIDGES INTO AN ART FORM. TOURISTS TRAVEL MILES JUST TO STARE INTO THE WINDOWS OF YOUR HIVE AND WATCH YOUR FRIENDSHIPS FALL APART, LOOKS OF AWE ON THEIR SLACK-JAWED FACES. CRITICS WEEP.  
CG: THE REAL REASON YOU HAVEN'T BEEN GIVEN A BATTLESHIP YET IS BECAUSE THEY'RE WORRIED THE BRIDGE WILL GO UP IN FLAMES WHEN YOU SET FOOT ON IT.   
AG: Yeah 8lah 8lah 8lah 8ridges whatever.  
AG: It's not like I even did anything to you recently. In fact, I think you owe me for supporting you so wholeheartedly last night. Getting Sollux to set up these private chats and everything!  
AG: Gee, thanks, Vriska! That sure was niiiiiiiice of you!!!!!!!!   
CG: FUCK, I DON'T HAVE THE ENERGY FOR THIS.  
CG: WHAT DO YOU WANT.   
AG: You're on the same planet as Toreadum8ass, right? Any idea why he hasn't 8een online all night?   
CG: OK FIRST, HE GOT RE-STATIONED ON 1025 SO NO, I'M NOT.  
CG: AND SECOND, I'M PRETTY SURE HE DOESN'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU.  
CG: AGAIN. EVER.   
AG: >:::( Says you! For your information, Tavros and I were getting to 8e really good friends 8ack on Alternia!   
CG: HENCE THE ENDEARING NICKNAME?   
AG: Geeeeeeeeze, Karkat, is it so terri8le to want to catch up with a guy? Just tell me if you know where he is!   
CG: WELL WHAT TIME IS IT?   
AG: My ship's time, your planet's time, or his planet's time?   
CG: IMPERIAL STANDARD TIME, SMARTASS.  
CG: BECAUSE BY NOW HE'S PROBABLY ON 1025 AND IN SURGERY.   
AG: What, seriously? Surgery for what?   
CG: A FUCKING NOSE JOB, OH MY GOD WHAT DO YOU THINK.   
AG: No need to be sarcaaaaaaaastic. >::::P  
AG: Is he really having surgery right now? Like, for real?   
CG: HE'S HAVING HIS ENTIRE LOWER TORSO REENFORCED WITH SOME KIND OF HYDRAULIC SYSTEM, APPARENTLY BECAUSE HIS ANIMAL COMMUNION THING IS JUST THAT FUCKING VALUABLE TO HIS SQUAD.  
CG: AND I GUESS THERE'S A SMALL BUT SIGNIFICANT CHANCE THAT HE COULD DIE HORRIBLY, SO IF YOUR LUCK CYCLE ISN'T IN ONE OF ITS SHITTY PHASES THEN I SUGGEST YOU WISH HIM SOME.   
AG: Whoa, yeah. I didn't even know that was going on! Now I feel 8ad. ::::(  
AG: Why d8dn't any8ody tell me?   
CG: BECAUSE IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.   
AG: Sure it is! In fact I'm pr8tty sure th8t Tavros's legs are excluuuuuuuusively my 8usiness!!!!!!!!  
AG: Oh man, th8t sounded kind of... uh.   
CG: NO SHIT.   
AG: You know wh8t I meant!!!!!!!!  
AG: I c8n't 8elieeeeeeeeve he's having s8me surgery where he c8uld D8E 8nd he 8idn't ev8n t8ll me! What a cr8ppy fri8nd!!!!!!!!   
CG: OK, VRISKA, I'M NOT SURE WHY I HAVE TO BE THE ONE TO TELL YOU THIS, BUT HE DOESN'T LIKE YOU.  
CG: AND I'M JUST GONNA TAKE A SHOT IN THE DARK HERE AND SAY IT'S BECAUSE ALL YOU EVER DO IS HARASS HIM AND MAKE FUN OF HIM.   
AG: Those are just jok8s! He shou8d learn to laugh at hims8lf and n8t 8e such a w8mp a8out 8t!!!!!!!! All that stuff I d8d to him 8ack on 8lternia w8s preparing h8m for the real w8rld where 8eople are gonna tr8at h8m like crap 8nd M8AN IT!!!!!!!!   
CG: OH MY GOD VRISKA, TAKE A DEEP BREATH OR SOMETHING.  
CG: I CAN'T EVEN READ THAT.   
AG: 8nd n8w h8's g8nna di8 8nd h8 8i8n8t 8v8n t88888888ll m8!!!!!!!!   
CG: GUH.  
CG: HE'S NOT GOING TO DIE. I MAY HAVE EXAGGERATED THE CHANCES OF HIS HORRIBLE DEMISE JUST A TINY BIT. IF I'D KNOWN IT WOULD SEND YOU SPIRALING INTO FUCKING HYSTERICS I WOULD HAVE KEPT MY CHUTE BLOCKED.  
CG: VRISKA?   
AG: Oh.  
AG: Ahahaha! Yeah, well I knew th8t! I was j8st messing with you, Karkat!  
AG: And you tooooooootally fell for it. You have gotta 8e the sappiest Threshecutioner ever, going all soft in the vascular pump for a lady in distress. :::;)   
CG: SURE, LET'S MAKE THIS EASIER ON BOTH OF US AND PRETEND THAT'S WHAT THIS WAS.  
CG: WHY ARE YOU SO FUCKING BENT ON HARASSING TAVROS TONIGHT, ANYWAY? SURELY YOU HAVE OTHER IRONS IN THE FIRE OR WHATEVER YOUR BASICALLY TERRIBLE CATCH PHRASE IS.  
CG: WAIT NO, I REMEMBER NOW.  
CG: YOU HAVE NOOOOOOOONE OF THE IRONS.  
CG: NONE OF THEEEEEEEEM.   
AG: ::::I  
AG: Talking to Sollux in another window?   
CG: TALKING TO SOLLUX IN ANOTHER WINDOW.   
AG: I have so many irons! May8e Tavros is one of my irons! Did that ever occur to you, smarty-leggings?   
CG: THAT IS JUST A LOOMING DISASTER ON SO MANY LEVELS.   
AG: Hah!  
AG: I mean it though. You're the romance guy, so I 8et this will really make your night! I was gonna ask him out.   
CG: OH MY GOD, HOLD ON, I THINK I'VE SUDDENLY BECOME PSYCHIC. I FEEL A PREMONITION COMING ON.  
CG: HE WAS GOING TO SAY FUCK NO.   
AG: Pfffffffft. Your mind powers need work.   
CG: WHY WOULD YOU EVEN TRY THAT. BEYOND YOUR BIZARRE DESIRE TO BETTER HIM BY MAKING HIS LIFE HELL, I DON'T THINK YOU EVEN LIKE HIM.  
CG: OR DISLIKE HIM.  
CG: AND EVEN IF YOU DID, TRUST ME WHEN I SAY IT WOULDN'T WORK OUT.   
AG: It wouldn't have to! I 8asically just need him as an accessory. You know, to have some8ody to say I'm red for?   
CG: THAT IS AWFUL AND SELFISH AND SADLY PREDICTABLE AND WHY AM I STILL TALKING TO YOU.   
AG: 8ecause we're talking about roooooooomance now, Karkat. :::;)  
AG: 8ut hey! Go ahead and close the chat window if you're not interested. I won't stop you.   
CG: YEAH.  
CG: WELL.  
CG: FUCK.   
AG: Hahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!  
AG: So, captain romantic gloom-and-doom, if you're so sure it wouldn't work, why not give me some tips? How do your dum8 romcoms say I should woooooooo a 8oy?   
CG: YOU COULD START BY NOT BEING A COMPLETE BITCH TO HIM.   
AG: Harsh!   
CG: WHY DO YOU SUDDENLY NEED A MAN ON YOUR ARM? THE DRONES AREN'T EXACTLY GOING TO TRACK YOU DOWN WHILE YOU'RE STILL IN TRAINING.  
CG: ACTUALLY, LET ME GUESS! YOU'RE GOING FOR A FUCKING RECORD WITH ALTERIA'S EARLIEST MIDLIFE CRISIS?   
AG: Wow, no way!  
AG: It's just that........ you know how sometimes you don't want something, 8ut then you can't have it anymore, and then you want it?  
AG: Or, it's not that you reeeeeeeeally want it, 8ut you sort of want to 8e a8le to want it, if you ever did want it?  
AG: Uuuuuuuugh, or something like that, I don't know!   
CG: YEAH, GO ON.   
AG: Well there was this person who I think really liked me! Romantically. And it was kind of cool that she liked me even though I wasn't interested, 8ecause it made me feel sexy!   
CG: ARE WE PRETENDING THIS PERSON ISN'T KANAYA?   
AG: It 8n't Kanaya.   
CG: DIDN'T YOU TWO OFFICIALLY COME CRASHING DOWN HARD INTO MOIRALLEGIANCE A COUPLE SWEEPS AGO? I THOUGHT WE WERE OVER THIS LITTLE DISASTER.   
AG: It isn't Kan8ya!!!!!!!!   
CG: RIGHT, SO THIS PERSON WHO ISN'T KANAYA.   
AG: >::::P  
AG: Well, this person who a8solutely isn't Kanaya got herself a m8sprit one day! Just totally out of nowhere!!!!!!!!  
AG: And now aaaaaaaall she talks a8out is her stupid fucking m8sprit, and she never has time to hang out with me 8ecause of her stuuuuuuuupid fucking m8sprit, and I'm 8ored out of my skull doing dum8 military training while she's off froooooooolicing in the sunsh8ne with her stuuuuuuuupid fuuuuuuuucking m88888888sprit!   
CG: WAIT, KANAYA HAS A MATESPRIT?   
AG: I just s8id it wasn't Kanaya. Maaaaaaaan!  
AG: 8ut I figure if it looks like I'm getting all doe-eyed and in love with Toreasnore, she'll get jealous and dump that floozy, and come crawling 8ack!  
AG: Actually, this could work out really gr8!  
AG: I'll just troll Tavros when he gets out of surgery and tell him how woooooooorried I was and how I want to change my ways, and he'll 8e all over me like 8lood on a Su8jugglator!   
CG: YOU KNOW WHAT, GO FOR IT. I'M SURE HE'LL FALL FOR THAT. THE ENSUING MATESPRITSHIP WILL BE A BEAUTIFUL THING TO BEHOLD.  
CG: FROM A SAFE DISTANCE AWAY, MUCH LIKE A MASSIVE EXPLOSION.  
CG: MAZEL TOV.   
AG: Thanks soooooooo much for the vote of confidence.  
AG: I really think this could work! And then I'll never have to hear a8out stupid 8ellaa frikkin Swanne ever again. I'll 8et she's ugly anyway!   
CG: STUPID BELLAA FRIKKIN SWANNE?  
CG: ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS.   
AG: I knoooooooow, it's such a weird name, isn't it???????? It almost sounds fake!   
CG: HAHA, YEAH, ALMOST.  
CG: OH MY GOD, BELLAA SWANNE.   
AG: >::::?   
CG: OH MY GOD I CAN'T BREATHE, THIS IS JUST  
CG: BELLAA FUCKING SWANNE, OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD   
AG: What is your deeeeeeeeal, Karkat????????   
CG: YOU DON'T READ MUCH, DO YOU? OR WATCH A LOT OF MOVIES?  
CG: NEVERMIND, YOU JUST REMINDED ME OF A JOKE SOMEBODY TOLD ME ONCE.  
CG: A FUCKING HILARIOUS, BRILLIANT, AMAZING JOKE.  
CG: PFT, OH GOD, OH MY GOD MY AIR SACS HURT, THIS IS THE BEST FUCKING THING!  
CG: I HAVE TO GO TALK TO KANAYA.  
CG: I AM PRETTY SURE I ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO GO TALK TO KANAYA RIGHT THIS VERY MINUTE.   
AG: You're not gonna tell her what I said, riiiiiiiight?   
CG: I WOULDN'T DREAM OF IT.  
CG: AHAHAHAHAHA BELLA SWANNE

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] closed private chat --

 

 

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] opened private chat with grimAuxilliatrix [GA] \--

\-- grimAuxilliatrix [GA] joined private chat --

CG: YOU AMAZING WOMAN.   
GA: Um   
CG: BELLAA SWANNE? SERIOUSLY?   
GA: Er  
GA: Yes  
GA: That Is The Name Of My Matesprit   
CG: YOU CAN DROP THE ACT, KANAYA, I SAW THE FILMS.  
CG: "SERIES OF MOVIES BASED ON A SERIES OF BOOKS IN WHICH A RAINBOW DRINKER AND A SHADOW DROPPER VIE FOR THE AFFECTIONS OF ECT," RIGHT?   
GA: Oh Dear   
CG: AND YOU TOLD VRISKA YOU WERE DATING THE MAIN CHARACTER? THE MOST FAMOUS AUSPISTICE IN POP CULTURE AND SERKET THINKS SHE'S YOUR MATESPRIT?   
GA: It Appears I Have Been Caught In A Lie   
CG: A FANTASTIC, FANTASTIC LIE.  
CG: SHE HAS NO CLUE, DID YOU KNOW THAT?  
CG: I MEAN OH MY FUCKING GOD, SHE BROUGHT THAT UP AND I THINK I ALMOST BLEW A MIRTH GLAND. IF THIS LEADS TO MEDICAL BILLS I'M SUING YOU.   
GA: My Condolences For Your Injured Mirth Gland Although I Suspect That Statement Was In Jest  
GA: Is She Really Not Aware   
CG: COMPLETELY IN THE DARK! THIS IS JUST MAKING MY LIFE RIGHT NOW, HOW DID THIS EVEN HAPPEN?   
GA: Well I Admit It Was Hardly On Purpose  
GA: She Was Being Flippant And Difficult As Always And I Suppose I Got Frustrated And Typed The First Thing To Enter My Head Although Now I Am Somewhat Regretting It  
GA: I Feel It Has Only Made Everything More Complicated   
CG: NO, THIS IS PERFECT!  
CG: THE FACT THAT SHE CAN'T HOG ALL YOUR ATTENTION ANYMORE IS DRIVING HER CRAZY. SHE'S TRYING TO WEAR TAVROS LIKE A HANDBAG RIGHT NOW JUST TO MAKE YOU JEALOUS.   
GA: Oh My  
GA: That Will End Poorly   
CG: YEAH, AND YOU'RE HER MOIRAIL, NOT HER AUSPISTICE, SO IT IS OFFICIALLY NOT YOUR PROBLEM.   
GA: I Suppose   
CG: LOOK, I'M GOING TO BE STATIONED ON 1025 WITH HIM EVENTUALLY. I'LL STEP IN IF IT GETS OUT OF HAND.   
GA: Would You Really Do That For Him   
CG: TO KEEP VRISKA LOOKING LIKE AN IDIOT, YES. YES I ABSOLUTELY FUCKING WOULD.   
GA: Thank You Karkat That Comforts Me Considerably  
GA: In Truth I Had The Same Aim As She Does  
GA: I Realize Matespritship Is Out Of The Question Now That We Are Moirails But All The Same I Feel As Though She Could Appreciate Me More  
GA: So I Am Playing Difficult To Attain   
CG: WELL IT'S WORKING.   
GA: I Should Hope So  
GA: I Am Not Getting Out Of This Relationship What I Put Into It  
GA: And While Ive Read That This Is Common In New Moirallegences It Has Been Several Sweeps And The Book Says We Should Have Balanced Out Considerably By Now   
CG: WHAT, THE RAINBOW DRINKER BOOK?   
GA: A Self Help Book  
GA: The Guide To Hands Off Moirallegiance By Feelix Elgato  
GA: Shortly Before Leaving Alternia Equius Recommended It To Me It Is Very Good  
GA: Although It Did Rather Bluntly Force Me To Confront Some Flaws In My Own Moirallegiance That I Had Been Attempting To Ignore   
CG: YOU'RE REALLY TAKING ADVICE FROM A BOOK RECOMMENDED BY EQUIUS.  
CG: AND THIS SEEMS LIKE A GOOD IDEA TO YOU?   
GA: For All That He Is A  
GA: Character   
CG: THAT'S PUTTING IT NICELY.   
GA: I Do Trust Him When It Comes To Advice Regarding The Pale Quadrant  
GA: He Very Much Knows What He Is Doing   
CG: I GUESS.   
GA: Shall I Order You A Copy  
GA: Apparently It Is The First In A Planned Series About Romance I Think You Would Enjoy It   
CG: IF ONLY TO BE CERTAIN YOU'RE NOT READING PERVERTED SMUT, SURE.   
GA: It Is Not Smut The Book Is Very Helpful  
GA: It Gives Advice Such As Communicating Often And Participating In Enjoyable Activities Together  
GA: Making Sure Each Persons Emotional Needs Are Being Met  
GA: Essentially The Goal Is To Ease Your Moirail Into Functioning Well Even Without You While Your Presence Serves As A Gentle Reminder To Stay The Course As It Were  
GA: I Fear None Of These Things Describe My Relationship With Vriska   
CG: YEAH, WOW, THAT ACTUALLY SEEMS LIKE REALLY GOOD ADVICE.  
CG: I MEAN, I'VE NEVER HAD A MOIRAIL, BUT I'VE SEEN MOVIES AND IT SOUNDS ABOUT RIGHT.  
CG: SORRY THINGS AREN'T WORKING OUT FOR YOU TWO.   
GA: We Can Manage  
GA: Perhaps My Little Untruth Will Ultimately Bring Her To Appreciate Me More  
GA: At The Moment We Are In Agreement That I Will Join Her On Her Ship Once She Is In Possession Of One  
GA: Equius And Nepeta Are Planning Something Similar Once He Leaves His Foddermill  
GA: Proximity Is Said To Do Wonders For These Things So It Is Really Nothing To Worry About   
CG: WELL I HOEP SO.  
CG: *HOPE  
CG: SHIT, I'M UP TOO EARLY. THIS TRAINING REGIMEN IS A NIGHTMARE.   
GA: Are They Overworking You  
GA: I Apologize Karkat This Is The First Time Weve Really Spoken Since Leaving Alternia And Here I Am Going On And On About Myself Without Asking You How Youve Been  
GA: How Have You Been  
GA: ?   
CG: OH MAN, YOU HAVE NO IDEA.  
CG: LONG HOURS, INTENSE DRILLS, BARELY ANY SLEEP, YOU GET EXTRA CREDIT FOR MURDERING THE OTHER HOPEFULS ON YOUR TIME OFF, AND I'M DEALING WITH THE SIDE EFFECTS OF  
CG: THE LACK OF SLEEP.  
CG: THE SIDE EFFECTS OF THE LACK OF SLEEP, OBVIOUSLY.  
CG: FUCK SOLLUX FOR THINKING THIS WAS EASY.   
GA: That Sounds Incredibly Difficult Karkat You Have My Sympathy   
CG: COMING FROM ANYONE ELSE I WOULD TAKE THAT AS SCATHING SARCASM  
CG: BUT FROM YOU, THANKS.  
CG: LESS THAN THREE WEEKS LEFT THOUGH, SO I'M ALMOST THERE. AND I WAS FUCKING HATCHED TO BE AN AMAZING THRESHICUTIONER, SO I KNOW I'LL COME OUT OF TRAINING AT THE TOP OF THE HEAP.   
GA: I Have No Doubt You Will We Are All Rooting For You  
GA: It Is Admirable Of You To Use What Little Spare Time You Have To Discuss Matters Of Inconsequential Romance With Me   
CG: KANAYA, I EAT SLEEP AND BREATHE INCONSEQUENTIAL ROMANCE. IT IS MY SAPPY, SOMEWHAT AWKWARD LIFEBLOOD.  
CG: I MEAN BELLAA SWANNE, OH MY GOD.   
GA: It Is Rather Amusing Isnt It   
CG: OH HELL YES.   
GA: You Will Not Alert Anyone To My Lie Will You   
CG: HA, IF EVER THERE WAS A SECRET WORTH TAKING TO MY GRAVE, IT'S THAT ONE.  
CG: FUCK, I'M GOING TO SLEEP.  
CG: I HAVE TO BE UP AT A RIDICULOUS HOUR TOMORROW. SOMETHING ABOUT A TWELVE MILE RUN, YIPPEE FUCKING SKIP.   
GA: Ouch   
CG: GOOD LUCK WITH VRISKA.   
GA: Thank You Good Luck With Your Last Few Weeks Of Training   
CG: YEAH. MORNING, KANAYA.   
GA: Good Morning Karkat

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] closed private chat --

 

 

\-- Acolyte Makara of the Lesser Laughssassins [AMLL] logged on to server: Public Network of Mirthful Communion --

\-- Acolyte Makara of the Lesser Laughssassins [AMLL]'s communication privileges have been revoked! Reason: You KNOW why, Gamzee. Get off the computer and work on filling your sacrifice quota. --

AMLL: AaAaAaAw

\-- Acolyte Makara of the Lesser Laughssassins [AMLL] logged off the server --

 

 

\-- arsenicCatnip [AC] opened private chat with centaursTesticle [CT] \--

\-- centaursTesticle [CT] joined private chat --

AC: :33 < *the sl33k kitty comes prowling into cts respiteblock with bloody paws from a fun night of hunting*  
AC: :33 < *she lays a dead cluckbeast at his f33t as a purresent*  
AC: :33 < *and winds around his legs with two big happy smiles on her face!*   
CT: D --> No she doesn't  
CT: D --> I mean, no you don't   
AC: :33 < *yes she does*   
CT: D --> Nepeta  
CT: D --> We are more than four light sweeps apart  
CT: D --> It is e%tremely f001ish to pretend that you have simply walked in to my respiteblock   
AC: :33 < i didnt walk in i prowled in  
AC: :33 < and i brought you a purresent which you still have not thanked me fur!!   
CT: D --> You are far too old to be playing these games  
CT: D --> I will not indulge you   
AC: :33 < well then im taking my cluckbeast back   
CT: D --> It is high time you began acting like a civilized young lady   
AC: :33 < *ac picks the tasty morsel up in one of her mouths and stalks over to the corner to eat it all by herself*   
CT: D --> Stop that  
CT: D --> There is no cluckbeast   
AC: :33 < not fur you theres not! X33   
CT: D --> Stop  
CT: D --> If you have e%pectations of swaying my out100k, you are only e%hausting your own time   
AC: :33 < h33 h33!  
AC: :33 < come aaawwwwwn efurrybody else is too busy to roleplay  
AC: :33 < i will let you be the majestic musclebeast ;33   
CT: D --> No   
AC: :33 < please?   
CT: D --> No   
AC: :33 < pleeeeease?   
CT: D --> No   
AC: :33 < purrty pleeeeeeeease?????   
CT: D --> The decision has been made  
CT: D --> It will not change  
CT: D --> I am busy with my work on the IG  
CT: D --> Which has once again been 100dicrously set back by Serket and Captor's bickering  
CT: D --> Surely there is someone else you can ve% about this   
AC: :33 < well ac would normally roleplay with gc!  
AC: :33 < but purrezi is working on her big trial and doesnt have any time fur fun games tonight :PP   
CT: D --> Then I must commend miss Pyrope for her dedication to her work  
CT: D --> It is not your place to distract her with these games  
CT: D --> In fact I forbid you to bother her   
AC: XPP  
AC: :33 < you cant furbid me to do anything!  
AC: :33 < we are four light sweeps apawrt and i will do what i want   
CT: D --> No you won't   
AC: X00 < mroooowr!!!  
AC: :33 < why does gc have to be so busy with her stupid job?   
CT: D --> A career in upholding the law is admirable  
CT: D --> Almost as admirable as serving in the military   
AC: :33 < oh noooo not this again   
CT: D --> 100k I simply cannot grasp why you so emphatically refuse pursuing a military career   
AC: :33 < *ac puts her paws over her ears and pouts at ct*   
CT: D --> Put those down  
CT: D --> if you had chosen a more 100crative career you would not have so much idle time to waste on pathetic games for rustb100ded wigglers  
CT: D --> You enjoy killing things  
CT: D --> You stood out spectacularly during recruitment  
CT: D --> You would have e%celled as a soldier   
AC: :33 < but being a soldier is boring and dumb and raaaawrrrr  
AC: :33 < you have to go through the foddermill and you always have people telling you what to do   
CT: D --> Indeed  
CT: D --> It is  
CT: D --> E%quisite   
AC: :33 < *ac rolls her eyes and starts chasing something small and fuzzy she saw dart past*   
CT: D --> As it stands you hardly make any money   
AC: :33 < i hardly spend any money! i nefur liked having a lot of stuff  
AC: :33 < and 426 has lots of big animals fur me to hunt!  
AC: :33 < *ac does not understand why she should have to buy food when furesh m33t is so much more yummy*   
CT: D --> The living conditions on that backwater jungle planet are appalling   
AC: :33 < they are purrfect!  
AC: :33 < pounce and i have not stopped rolling in things and climbing things and smelling things and tackling things and licking things since we got here!   
CT: D --> Ick   
AC: :33 < *besides ac is making money doing what she likes and she is suppurrting herself just fine*  
AC: :33 < *and no boring old b10000000 b100000000d can make her stop*  
AC: :33 < *she pounces up on cts lap and licks his face beclaws secretly she knows he is purroud of her*   
CT: D --> Yes  
CT: D --> Well  
CT: D --> As long as you are content I suppose I can turn a blind eye to your chosen profession  
CT: D --> Which is, from a purely technical standpoint, only once removed from unemp100yment   
AC: :33 < i happen to know that you own twelve copies of my book equius ;33   
CT: D --> They make e%cellent gifts  
CT: D --> That is all   
AC: :33 < *bats at your hair*   
CT: D --> For the last time, you will cease  
CT: D --> You are not an animal  
CT: D --> You are not in my respiteblock  
CT: D --> You are in no position to make physical contact of any sort with my hair   
AC: :33 < i am in your lap and i am batting your purretty hair around and that is all there is to say on the matter!  
AC: :33 < *ac thinks ct n33ds to loosen up, g33ze!*   
CT: D --> There will be no 100sening up  
CT: D --> I have far too much work to do to pander to your fantasies   
AC: :33 < *ac also thinks cts stupid inverted glub project is a dumb thing for a majestic musclebeast to do when he could be on the hunt with his feline furiend instead*   
CT: D --> The IG is e%tremely important  
CT: D --> It is a privilege to dedicate my free time to it  
CT: D --> Also you aren't supposed to know about that   
AC: :33 < well then you pawbably shouldnt have told me!  
AC: :33 < how long can it take to make a doomsday weapon anyway?   
CT: D --> Longer than one would think   
AC: :33 < i think you should hurry up and finish   
CT: D --> Ugh  
CT: D --> Your flippancy is e%asperating as always  
CT: D --> If it were that simple I would have finished weeks ago  
CT: D --> Serket must find the e%act frequencies required for this type of psychic attack, and my skills in roboti% must create a system of speakers that can perfectly duplicate and project them  
CT: D --> If either one of us makes a mistake at this point  
CT: D --> We will probably die  
CT: D --> So no, I will not "hurry up and finish"   
AC: :33 < yeah right!  
AC: :33 < you are being so dramatic, i know nothing can kill your big sweaty buff bod X33   
CT: D --> True   
AC: :33 < you are like an unbreakable wall  
AC: :33 < that sweats   
CT: D --> And you are an unstoppable force of f001ishness and inappropriate levity  
CT: D --> You will stop talking about sweat   
AC: :33 < h33 h33!  
AC: :33 < i dont get how you can work with vwhiskers on all your purrojects! she would drive me up the scratching post!!  
AC: :33 < always being so mean all the time even when she purrtends to be nice   
CT: D --> Serket and I have collaborated with each other many times in the past  
CT: D --> We are more than accustomed to  
CT: D --> Well  
CT: D --> Gritting our teeth and getting along I suppose   
AC: :33 < well i couldnt get along with her like that   
CT: D --> Of course not  
CT: D --> But our social class is held to higher standards   
AC: :33 < *eye rooooll*   
CT: D --> Although lately her behoofior has become even more maddening than usual   
AC: :33 < ://   
CT: D --> Her behavior I mean  
CT: D --> Al100wing her to work with Captor was a bad idea  
CT: D --> Their e%cessive bickering is slowing down our work and shows a detestable degree of infidelity to Ampora   
AC: :33 < really??   
CT: D --> Yes  
CT: D --> It is incredibly annoying to say the least  
CT: D --> Honestly every time they talk I just want to STRONG slap them both   
AC: 8OO   
CT: D --> What   
AC: :33 < equius are you really that annoyed at them???   
CT: D --> Yes  
CT: D --> Was I not clear   
AC: :33 < but are you just annoyed or are you ANNOYED annoyed????   
CT: D --> I'm not sure I understand the question   
AC: :33 < aaaaaaaaaaaaaa i need to go update my shipping wall!!!!   
CT: D --> Wait  
CT: D --> No  
CT: D --> Oh goodness no it isn't  
CT: D --> It isn't anything like that   
AC: :33 < i think it is!!   
CT: D --> No   
AC: :33 < yes   
CT: D --> NO  
CT: D --> It is purely business between Serket, Captor, and myself  
CT: D --> Their arguments just make me want to violently separate them  
CT: D --> And give them a stern lecture on their improper actions  
CT: D --> And  
CT: D --> Oh  
CT: D --> Oh fiddlesticks   
AC: :33 < oh wow!  
AC: :33 < thats really sw33t equius!   
CT: D --> No  
CT: D --> It is not  
CT: D --> This is terrible   
AC: :33 < its wonderful and purrfect and sw33t!   
CT: D --> What am I going to do  
CT: D --> I want them to stop arguing so we can get some work done  
CT: D --> But I am hardly 100king for  
CT: D --> Er  
CT: D --> That   
AC: :33 < well of course not silly!  
AC: :33 < nobody goes looking for stuff like that, it just happens!  
AC: :33 < *ac rolls around on the floor purring like shes just gotten a new catnip toy*   
CT: D --> You will cease  
CT: D --> Even if I did have  
CT: D --> Feelings  
CT: D --> Like that  
CT: D --> I have never been in an ashen relationship  
CT: D --> I am not really sure what to do   
AC: :33 < so? it is a purrfectly normal emewtion  
AC: :33 < you just have to do what comes naturally!  
AC: :33 < and the first thing to do is to tell them how you f33l!!! >:33   
CT: D --> No  
CT: D --> That is out of the question   
AC: :33 < you have to!   
CT: D --> No   
AC: :33 < yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes  
AC: :33 < what are you so afuraid of?   
CT: D --> I do not want an ashen relationship  
CT: D --> And I think  
CT: D --> They would not want one either  
CT: D --> With me   
AC: :33 < aaw  
AC: :33 < *ac nuzzles up against ct and lets him pet her soft warm fur*   
CT: D --> 100k you are not even in the pro%imity of  
CT: D --> Oh nevermind   
AC: :33 < equius zahhak you are a super wonderful amazing strong respawnsible purrson and ag and ta would be lucky to have you looking out fur them!!  
AC: :33 < and if they are not smart enough to s33 that then they didnt deserve you anyway!   
CT: D --> Thank you Nepeta   
AC: :33 < but you have to tell them or theyll nefur know!   
CT: D --> I will  
CT: D --> Consider it   
AC: X33  
AC: :33 < *ac dashes off to give the mediation-struck musclebeast the biggest bestest spot on her shipping wall*   
CT: D --> You will not  
CT: D --> You know I despise that practice

CT: D --> Nepeta

CT: D --> Did you really just leave in the middle of a conversation  
CT: D --> To paint the three of us on the wall of your hive

CT: D --> Ah  
CT: D --> Yes  
CT: D --> Yes you did

\-- centaursTesticle [CT] closed private chat --


	6. Chapter 6

\-- arachnidsGrip [AG] opened private chat with adiosToreador [AT] \--

\-- waiting for adiosToreador [AT] \--

AG: Come on come on come on come on c'mon c'mon c'mon c'mon

\-- adiosToreador [AT] joined private chat --

AT: hI VRISKA,   
AG: You're alive!!!!!!!! ::::D   
AT: yEAH,  
AT: i AM, }:)   
AG: Whoa, what's this? Civility???????? And a little smiley face and everything?  
AG: Wow, way to 8e the first person in weeeeeeeeks not to treat me like shit.   
AT: oH, wELL, i'M SORRY THAT PEOPLE ARE TREATING YOU LIKE THAT,  
AT: i TOLD MYSELF I WASN'T GOING TO TALK TO YOU ANYMORE EITHER,  
AT: bUT I DON'T THINK I CAN BE MAD AT ANYBODY, rIGHT NOW,  
AT: oN ACCOUNT OF HOW I AM STANDING AT MY COMPUTER  
AT: oN MY LEGS,  
AT: }:)   
AG: That's gr8 Tavros.   
AT: yES, iT'S VERY GR8, aND ALSO GREAT,  
AT: eVEN THOUGH IT'S GOING TO TAKE A WHILE TO GET USED TO SEEING ALL THE METAL PARTS THAT ARE, sORT OF REENFORCING EVERYTHING,  
AT: tHEY ARE STILL MY LEGS  
AT: aND I CAN MOVE THEM,   
AG: I 8et they look really cool. And hey, we'll sort of match now!   
AT: i DIDN'T THINK OF THAT, bUT, uHH, sORT OF,   
AG: Soooooooo you've tested them out already? Actually walked around and stuff?   
AT: yEAH,   
AG: Wow, you recovered fast! Wasn't your surgery only a couple nights ago?   
AT: yES, tHE MEDILIQUIDATOR SAID NOT TO STRAIN MYSELF, fOR A WHILE,  
AT: bUT THEN MY SQUAD LEADER TOLD ME TO SUCK IT UP, aND, uHH, sTOP BEING A PANSY,  
AT: aND I FIGURED HE WAS PROBABLY RIGHT,   
AG: No kidding. You're made of tougher stuff than that!!!!!!!!   
AT: tHAT'S KIND OF A WEIRD THING TO HEAR, cOMING FROM YOU,  
AT: bUT THANKS?   
AG: I totally mean it though. I only push you all the time 8ecause I know you of all people can take it. You're super tough!   
AT: oK, nOW IT JUST SOUNDS LIKE YOU'RE MAKING FUN OF ME,  
AT: oR BUILDING UP TO A JOKE, oR SOMETHING,   
AG: Whaaaaaaaat????????  
AG: I wouldn't do that when a good friend of mine almost died! This is super serious non-joking time.   
AT: i DON'T THINK I REALLY BELIEVE THAT,   
AG: >::::/  
AG: May8e I'm just happy you're alive.  
AG: That's allowed, isn't it? To just 8e glad a guy's alive after major surgery? Maaaaaaaay8e I just felt really 8ad a8out all the crap I'm always saying to you. And I wanted to make it right!   
AT: uH,   
AG: You're gonna die way 8efore me anyway, right? I don't want the last thing I say to you to 8e something mean!   
AT: sOMETHING MEAN LIKE,  
AT: hYPOTHETICALLY,  
AT: aDIOS, tOREASNORE,   
AG: That was different! I was young and stupid and I didn't know what I was doing.  
AG: I've done a loooooooot of growing up since then.   
AT: sOMETIMES, uH, iT DOESN'T REALLY SEEM LIKE IT,   
AG: AAAAAAAAUGH, I'm just trying to 8e nice to you for once!!!!!!!!  
AG: So shut up and take your compliments like a man.  
AG: A 8ig tough handsome tooooooootally not paralyzed confident successful man.   
AT: uUHHHHHH,,,,,   
AG: Listen, I would have felt really terri8le if you died on us.  
AG: Especially 8ecause it was kind of my fault! If I hadn't made you a useless cripple this wouldn't have even 8een a pro8lem.  
AG: Look at me, 8eing a 8ig girl and owning up to my mistakes like that.  
AG: The whole time you were in surgery I was totally freaking out! Ask Karkat, he'll tell you. I was a mess.  
AG: And all I could think a8out was how much of a huuuuuuuuge 8itch I was to you when we were kids. And how I sort of still am?  
AG: 8ut it's not 8ecause I h8 you.  
AG: I actually really like you! I think I act like that 8ecause it gets your attention.   
AT: wHOA,  
AT: oK,  
AT: i'M, nOT REALLY SURE HOW TO RESPOND TO THAT,   
AG: I guess you don't really have to. It was just sort of something I thought you should know.  
AG: Remem8er that message I sent you right 8efore recruitment?   
AT: tHE ONE WHERE YOU SAID I WAS GOING TO GET CULLED?   
AG: The one where I said I loved you, you dope!   
AT: oH,   
AG: Don't tell me you thought thaaaaaaaat was a joke too????????   
AT: sORRY,  
AT: iT JUST, sEEMED LIKE SOMETHING YOU WOULD SAY, bECAUSE YOU THOUGHT IT WAS FUNNY,   
AG: I was 8eing serious!!!!!!!!  
AG: I really reeeeeeeeally like you, Tavros. You're smart and fun and cre8tive.  
AG: And totally completely pitiful!   
AT: yOU, pITY ME,   
AG: Yeeeeeeeeah!!!!!!!!  
AG: It's pathetic, how you were trapped in that chair for so long, and how you're always letting people walk all over you and you could 8e so much stronger if you weren't such a wimp a8out it. I pity you for that!   
AT: wOW,  
AT: uH,   
AG: Weeeeeeeell????????  
AG: Say something! I've 8een 8la88ing and 8la88ing all this time and you're just stammering like that! How am I supposed to know what you think?  
AG: Did I just creep you out?   
AT: i THINK,  
AT: tHAT I'M NOT REALLY SURE WHAT I THINK?   
AG: ::::?   
AT: iT'S JUST THAT NO ONE'S EVER SAID THEY PITY ME BEFORE, aND WAS SERIOUS ABOUT IT,  
AT: bUT I'M, uHH, nOT CREEPED OUT,  
AT: bECAUSE IF THAT WAS SOMETHING YOU WERE SERIOUS ABOUT, tHEN IT WAS REALLY SWEET,  
AT: pROBABLY THE SWEETEST THING I'VE EVER HEARD YOU SAY,   
AG: ::::)  
AG: Soooooooo........  
AG: Is there anything you pity a8out me?   
AT: wHOA, wHAT,   
AG: Come oooooooon, Tavros. One 8ig soulful confession deserves another, right?  
AG: I'd sure feel stupid if I said all that stuff and you didn't like me 8ack. Don't 8e a wimpy wimpy wimp, you don't have to 8e scared to tell me. I 8n't judging!   
AT: oH, wELL, i GUESS,,,  
AT: i SORT OF PITY, hOW YOU LOST YOUR ARM AND YOUR EYE,  
AT: tHAT'S SOMETHING I CAN RELATE TO, aND I KNOW HOW HARD IT CAN MAKE THINGS,  
AT: eVEN THOUGH YOU GOT A NEW ARM IT WASN'T AN EASY THING TO GO THROUGH,   
AG: Hey, yeah! That's a gr8 thing to pity. You have good taste.   
AT: aND, iT'S KIND OF PITIFUL THAT YOU HAVE SUCH A HARD TIME MAKING FRIENDS, oR KEEPING THEM,  
AT: bECAUSE YOU DON'T REALLY KNOW HOW TO NOT ACT, uHH, tHE WAY YOU ACT,   
AG: I take it 8ack, your taste sucks. Go 8ack to the arm thing.   
AT: sORRY,  
AT: i DIDN'T KNOW PITY WAS A THING YOU COULD PICK AND CHOOSE,   
AG: Woooooooow, was that sarcasm?   
AT: yEAH, sORRY,   
AG: Stop saying sorry!!!!!!!! It makes you look like a whiny little gru8 instead of the tough guy I know you are.  
AG: If I pity you and you pity me, there's only one thing to do! :::;)   
AT: oH NO,   
AG: We should 8e m8sprits! We're peeeeeeeerfect for each other!   
AT: uHHHH, vRISKA,  
AT: tHIS IS KIND OF, uH, COMING OUT OF NOWHERE,  
AT: aND, i DON'T REALLY PITY YOU, tHAT MUCH,  
AT: oR IN THE WAY I THINK YOU MAYBE WANT ME TO,   
AG: 8ut you pity me more than you pity any8ody else, riiiiiiiight? That's what really counts!   
AT: bUT,   
AG: So if we pity each other it's stupid not to 8e in a quadrant! It's like we're lying to every8ody, pretending we don't like each other like we're still three sweeps old.   
AT: uHH,   
AG: I'm not gonna manipul8 you into 8eing my m8sprit or anything. Like I said, I've done a lot of growing up.  
AG: 8ut I think you really do like me, you just don't want to admit it to any8ody. Not even yourself!  
AG: Trust me, I'm heeeeeeeelping you 8y making you face your feelings like this.   
AT: uHHHHHHH,   
AG: Ugh, you stupid wishy-washy weaky weak wriggler!!!!!!!!  
AG: And I mean that in the most endearing way ever!  
AG: I just toooooooold you I'm not gonna force you into anything! All I want to do is try it out for a little 8it. If it doesn't work out then we'll know it wasn't serendipity and we can just go our separ8 ways. I won't even 8e mad!  
AG: 8ut I really want a chance to 8e a good m8sprit and make things up to you!!!!!!!!  
AG: No8ody's ever given me a chance like that.  
AG: So while you're standing there on your 8rand new reenforced legs, pro8a8ly grinning like an idiot and appreeeeeeeeciating your second chance at life, may8e you could have it in your vascular pump to give me a second chance too.  
AG: So what'll it 8e?

 

 

\-- arachnidsGrip [AG] opened private chat with carcinoGeneticist [CG] \--

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] joined private chat --

AG: Oh, he was going to say fuck no, was he?  
AG: Well I have some crazy news for you, Vantas the Quadrantless. You don't know shit a8out romance.  
AG: He fell for that so8 story like a sucker. Hook, line, and sinker. >::::)

\-- arachnidsGrip [AG] closed private chat --

 

 

\-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] opened private chat with carcinoGeneticist [CG] \--

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] joined private chat --

GC: GU3SS WH4T  
GC: YOU 4R3 CORD14LLY 1NV1T3D TO L3G1SL4C3R4TOR PYROP3S GR34T3ST N1GHT OF MY L1F3 4FT3RP4RTY SH1ND1G 3XT4V4G4NZ4 >:] >:] >:]  
GC: WH1CH N4TUR4LLY 1S TO B3 H3LD ON TH3 GR34T3ST N1GHT OF MY L1F3  
GC: TH4TS N3XT MOND4Y.  
GC: 1N C4S3 YOU W3R3NT 4W4R3.   
CG: NO, REALLY??? HOLY FUCK, I HAD NO IDEA!!!  
CG: EXCEPT, WAIT, YES I DID, AND THIS CONVERSATION IS COMPLETELY REDUNDANT BECAUSE YOU ALREADY SENT ME AN INVITATION IN THE MAIL.  
CG: THANKS FOR ADDRESSING IT TO THRESHECUTIONER BANANAMAN BY THE WAY, EVERYONE THOUGHT THAT WAS JUST HILARIOUS.   
GC: H3H3H3H3H3  
GC: W3LL TH3Y KN3W 3X4CTLY WHO 1 W4S T4LK1NG 4BOUT D1DNT TH3Y?   
CG: OH YES.  
CG: AND YET FUNNY THING, THAT LETTER MUST HAVE GONE THROUGH AT LEAST THIRTY GRUBBY, SNOOPING HANDS BEFORE I COULD GET AHOLD OF IT.  
CG: I HAD TO HIT A GUY WITH A CHAIR, TEREZI. A FUCKING CHAIR. AND HE WENT DOWN STILL LAUGHING HIS ASS OFF.   
GC: SOUNDS L1K3 FUN   
CG: MY SQUAD IS GOING TO CALL ME BANANAMAN FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. THAT IS JUST SO SPECTACULAR, THAT THIS IS THE NICKNAME I ENDED UP SADDLED WITH.   
GC: BL444R, YOU 4R3 SUCH 4 DR4M4 LL4M4B34ST K4RKL3S  
GC: 1 G3T 4 N3W N1CKN4M3 3V3RY W33K 1F 1TS TH4T B1G 4 D34L JUST DO SOM3TH1NG B4D4SS 4ND 3V3RYON3 W1LL FORG3T 4BOUT TH3 B4N4N4 TH1NG 4ND C4LL YOU SOM3TH1NG 3LS3  
GC: TH4T SHOULD B3 34SY FOR YOU R1111GHT?? >;]   
CG: WELL YEAH, OF COURSE IT WILL.  
CG: YOU'RE JUST NOT MAKING MY LIFE ANY EASIER OVER HERE.   
GC: 1 W4S JUST H4V1NG 4 L1TTL3 FUN K4RK4T DONT B3 4 S1SSY  
GC: 4NYW4Y 1 TH1NK YOU D3S3RV3D 4 L1TTL3 TORM3NT FOR WH4T YOU D1D TO POOR SOLLUX 4ND H1S CH4T PROGR4M.  
GC: CONS1D3R TH1S SH4M3FUL N1CKN4M3 YOUR P3N4NC3!!   
CG: OH RIGHT, OF COURSE THAT'S WHAT THIS WAS.  
CG: I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN. YOU'RE ALWAYS THERE ON THE HEELS OF KARMA, JUST WAITING FOR AN EXCUSE TO FUCK US ALL OVER.   
GC: NOT K4RM4  
GC: JUST1C3!!  
GC: 1T 1S FOR JUST1C3 TH4T 1 FUCK YOU 4LL OV3R  
GC: BUT K4RK4T YOU H4V3 NOT RSVPD TO MY HUM1L14T1NG 1NV1T4T1ON  
GC: 4R3 YOU COM1NG TO TH3 SH1ND1G 3XT4V4G4NZ4 >:?   
CG: YOU DIDN'T EVEN PUT THE TIME AND PLACE ON THE INVITATION.  
CG: OR HELL, MAYBE YOU DID AND I JUST MISSED IT BECAUSE EVERYTHING YOU WRITE IS IN FUCKING NUMBERS.   
GC: W3LL OF COURS3 NOT  
GC: 1T W4S 4 PR3C4UT1ON 1N C4S3 MY L3TT3R F3LL 1NTO TH3 WRONG H4NDS   
CG: YOU WROTE "TO THR3SH3CUT1ON3R B4N4N4M4N <3 <3 <3" ON THE FRONT IN RED GLITTER, OF COURSE IT WAS GOING TO FALL INTO THE WRONG HANDS.   
GC: H4H4H4H4   
CG: AND TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTION, NO I AM NOT COMING TO THE SHINDIG PARTY EXTRAVAGANZA WHATEVER-THE-FUCK-YOU'RE-CALLING-IT.  
CG: I'M STILL IN TRAINING. I WON'T EVEN HAVE A CHANCE TO EARN SOME LEAVE UNTIL I'M STATIONED ON 1025, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I CAN JUST DUCK OUT FOR THE NIGHT AND FLY HALFWAY ACROSS THE GALAXY TO CELEBRATE  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU EVEN CELEBRATING, ANYWAY?   
GC: >:O  
GC: MY C4S3 STUP1D!!! MY B1G 1MPORT4NT F1RST C4S3 3V3R TH4T 1S SUR3 TO SH4P3 MY C4R33R FOR SW33PS TO COM3  
GC: 1T 1S H4PP3N1NG TH1S MOND4Y 4ND FOR YOUR 1NFORM4T1ON W3 4R3 4LL M33T1NG UP ON FOLDSP4C3 SO YOU WOULDNT H4V3 TO TR4V3L 4NYWH3R3  
GC: 1M JUST 4SK1NG YOU TO B3 1N 4 CH4TROOM 4T 4 C3RT41N T1M3 1S TH4T SO H4RD??  
GC: 4444HRG K4RK4T HOW COULD YOU NOT KNOW SOMETH1NG L1K3 TH4T???   
CG: WELL NOBODY TOLD ME!  
CG: YOU'LL HAVE TO EXCUSE ME FOR NOT SPONTANEOUSLY DEVELOPING THE ABILITY TO READ THE SPASTIC UNDERCCURRENTS OF YOUR SHITHIVE MIND.   
GC: HUH  
GC: W3LL TH4T 1S UN3XP3CT3D! 1 THOUGHT FOR SUR3 G4MZ33 OR N3P3T4 WOULD L3T YOU KNOW   
CG: I NEVER TALK TO NEPETA, AND GAMZEE HASN'T BEEN ONLINE SINCE THE FOLDSPACE DEBACLE.  
CG: NOT THAT I CARE. HE'S PROBABLY HAVING FAR TOO MUCH FUN GUZZLING MIND ALTERING SUBSTANCES WITH HIS NEW MURDERCLOWN FRIENDS. OR MAYBE HE FORGOT THE INTERNET EXISTED, IT WOULDN'T BE THE FIRST TIME.   
GC: W3LL 1 C4NT SP34K FOR TH3 M1ND 4LT3R1NG SUBST4NC3S BUT 1 KNOW H3 1S NOT BUSY W1TH H1S MURD3RCLOWN FR13NDS  
GC: S331NG 4S L4T3LY H3 H4S B33N SP3ND1NG MOR3 T1M3 ON MY SH1P TH4N H1S!   
CG: WHY'S HE ON YOUR SHIP?   
GC: 1 H4V3 SN4TCH3D H1M UP TO B3 MY 3X3CUT1ON3R OF COURS3  
GC: G4MZ3RZ 4ND 1 4R3 4 MOTH3RFUCK1NG M1R4CL3 T34M FOR GR34T JUST1C3  
GC: NO CR1M3 HOW3V3R SM4LL W1LL P4SS UNNOT1C3D B3N34TH OUR W4TCHFUL NOS3S >:D   
CG: OH MY GOD.   
GC: (TH4T W4S OUR B4TTL3 CRY)   
CG: THAT WAS THE MOST PAINFULLY AWKWARD EXCUSE FOR A CALL TO ARMS I'VE EVER HEARD. IT SUITS YOU TWO PERFECTLY.   
GC: N4TUR4LLY  
GC: H3 H4S B33N H3LP1NG M3 PR3P4R3 MY OP3N1NG ST4T3M3NT 4ND R1GHT NOW H3 1S ORG4N1Z1NG MY 3V1D3NC3 1NTO P1L3S BY COLOR  
GC: WH1CH 1 D1DNT 4CTUALLY T3LL H1M TO DO BUT WH4T3V3R.   
CG: WAIT, HE'S OVER THERE RIGHT NOW? LIKE, HE'S ACTUALLY PHYSICALLY IN YOUR RESPITBLOCK?   
GC: Y3S  
GC: H3 S4YS H1   
CG: WELL CAN YOU PUT HIM ON?  
GC: H3H3H3 WHY K4RK4T 1 THOUGHT YOU S41D YOU D1DNT C4R3???  
CG: NO, OF COURSE NOT. WHY WOULD I GIVE A SHIT THAT NONE OF MY FRIENDS WANT TO PUT ANY EFFORT INTO STAYING IN CONTACT WITH ME?  
CG: FIRST SOLLUX AND NOW GAMZEE, FUCKING HELL PEOPLE.  
GC: 4W K4RK4T 4T L34ST YOUV3 ST1LL GOT ON3 GOOD FR13ND  
GC: WHO GO3S OUT OF H3R W4Y TO S3ND YOU L3TT3RS D3COR4T3D MOST D3L1C1OUSLY 1N TH3 B3ST OF COLORS  
CG: UGH  
CG: FOR THE RECORD I HAVE SOMETHING VITALLY IMPORTANT TO ASK HIM. LIVES LITERALLY DEPEND ON IT.  
GC: SUR3 TH3Y DO >;]  
GC: 4DM1T 1T YOU W3R3 JUST WORR13D W3R3NT YOU  
GC: K4RK4T YOU 4R3 4DOR4BL3!  
CG: TEREZI.  
CG: GIVE GAMZEE THE GODDAMN GRUBTOP SO I CAN VERBALLY BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF HIM.  
GC: F1RST T3LL M3 1F YOUR3 COM1NG TO L3G1SL4C3R4TOR PYROP3S GR34T3ST N1GHT OF MY L1F3 4FT3RP4RTY SH1ND1G 3XT4V4G4NZ4  
CG: FINE. FUCKING FINE, I'LL SEE YOU THERE.  
CG: THANKS FOR THE LETTER, I HOPE YOUR TRIAL GOES TO SHIT.  
GC: 444444W LOV3 YOU TOO K4RK4T  
GC: 1LL GO G3T G4MZ33 SO YOU C4N V3RB4LLY B34T TH3 SH1T OUT OF H1M

\-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] changed their handle to terminallyCapricious [TC] \--

TC: HoNk hOnK. :o)   
CG: YEAH, HONK HONK TO YOU TOO, ASSHOLE. WHERE'VE YOU BEEN ALL WEEK?  
CG: I'VE HAD SOMETHING REALLY IMPORTANT TO ASK YOU AND YOU'VE BEEN MISSING IN ACTION.   
TC: ShIt hOw dO I ChAnGe tHe cOlOr   
CG: WHY IS THAT IMPORTANT.   
TC: wAiT   
TC: FuCk, HoLd oN   
CG: GOD DAMMNIT GAMZEE.   
TC: UuUuUuUh   
CG: THAT'S EQUIUS YOU MORON. INDIGO. YOU'RE INDIGO.   
TC: OkAy yEaH I KnEw tHaT. iNdIgO'S LiKe mOtHeRfUcKiN PuRpLe, RiGhT?   
TC: aIgHt, I FoUnD It.  
TC: SoRrY BrO ThErE Is jUsT A LoT Of mOtHeRfUcKiN SpIt oN ThIs sCrEen. MaKeS It kInDa hArD To sEe wHaT AlL I'M DoInG.   
CG: ........  
CG: EW.   
TC: So wHaT WaS It yOu wAs aLl gEtTiN YoUr wOrD BeAtDoWn oN AbOuT?  
TC: HaHa sHiIiIt, HoW CaN YoU EvEn dO No bEaTdOwN WiTh wOrDs? Is tHaT LiKe hOw sLaM PoEtRy wOrKs, StIcKs aNd sToNeS AnD AlL ThAt?  
TC: NaH ThAt aIn't iT.   
CG: OKAY, HOWEVER MUCH PIE YOU'RE ON RIGHT NOW IS FAR TOO MUCH.  
CG: LET ME JUST MAKE YOU AWARE OF THAT.   
TC: If yOu sAy sO BrO   
CG: I SAY SO.  
CG: NOW CAN WE GET BACK TO THE PRESSING ISSUE HERE?  
CG: WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ALL WEEK?  
CG: START EXPLAINING, OR YOU CAN BRACE YOURSELF FOR THE UNSTOPPABLE TORRENT OF FUCK YOU THAT'S BEEN BUILDING UP BEHIND MY EYEBALLS LIKE THE WRATH OF A SKULKING GODZILLA.   
TC: AiGht aIgHt cHiLl kArKaT!  
TC: GeT ThAt wRaThFuL RePtIlE To cAlM HiS TiTs, I'M GeTtIn mY ExPlAiN On.  
TC: SeE WhAt uP AnD HaPpEnEd wAs tHiS MoThErFuCkEr jUsT SoRtA GoT HiMsElF In sOmE ShIt wItH ThE PoWeRs tHaT Be  
TC: AnD I GoT My cOmPuTeR PrIvIlEgEs rEvOkEd oVeR On tHe bLaCk cAtHeDrAl's nEtWoRk.  
TC: BuUuUuUt iT'S AlL GoOd, It'lL WoRk iTsElF OuT.   
CG: OH THAT'S RIGHT, YOU DON'T ACTUALLY OWN YOUR OWN COMPUTER, DO YOU?  
CG: STILL GAMZEE, HOW THE FUCK DID THIS HAPPEN? WHAT DID YOU DO, PAINT RAINBOWS ALL OVER THE CONSECRATED STATUE OF BOZO THE FUCKING JESTERSAINT?   
TC: NaAah mAn sAiNt bOzO AlReAdY GoT RaInBoWs aLl oVeR HiM.   
CG: HOLY SHIT, THAT'S A REAL THING.   
TC: It aIn't sO MuCh wHaT I DiD As wHaT I DiDn't dO, yOu kNoW?  
TC: SeE SuBdEaCoN PaYaSo, He's iN ChArGe oF ThE AcOlYtEs  
TC: He dOn't lIkE It wHeN I JuSt cHiLl gEtTiN My aPpReCiAtE On oF ThE MoThErFuCkIn mIrAcLe oF LiFe. SaYs i gOtTa sTaRt aCtIn lIkE A MoThErFuCkEr lIkE Me aUgHtA AcT. kIlL Me sOmE BiTcHeS.  
TC: BuT PeOpLe bEeN TeLlIn mE ThAt fOr sWeEpS AnYwAy, I DoN'T CaRe, FuCk hIm. HaHaHa hOoOoOnK.  
TC: So aFtEr i tOlD HiM ThAt   
CG: OH GOD WHY WOULD YOU TELL HIM THAT   
TC: He cOrReCtEd mE WiTh tHe hOlY ClUb oF MiLd cOrReCtIoN  
TC: AaAaAaAnD NoW I AiN'T GoT No cOmPuTeR PrIvIlEgEs. :o/   
CG: HE HIT YOU WITH A FUCKING CLUB? WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU MOUTH OFF TO HIM LIKE THAT, SHIT GAMZEE!   
TC: wElL It wAs jUsT ThE ClUb oF MiLd cOrReCtIoN, aIn't lIkE It wAs tHe oNe wItH SpIkEs iN It oR NoThIn.   
CG: OH MY GOD   
TC: KaRkAt bRo iT WeReN'T ThAt bAd. SlAm bAcK A BeVeRaGe oR SoMeShIt, YoU NeEd tO StRaIgHt uP UnBeNd, MaN.  
TC: YoU WaNt mE To kIlL Me sOmE BiTcHeS?   
CG: I'D KIND OF LIKE IT IF YOU GOT UP OFF YOUR STONED ASS ONCE IN A WHILE AND PUT FORTH THE EFFORT REQUIRED TO NOT GET CULLED FOR BEING FUCKING TERRIBLE AT YOUR CHOSEN CAREER, YEAH.   
TC: I KeEp tElLiNg eVeRyBoDy kArKaT It cHoSe mE  
TC: BuT MaAaAn pAyAsO'D FiNd sOmEtHiN To aLl rAg oN AbOuT AnYwAy.  
TC: SuBjUgGlAtOrS ArE CrAzY MaD As ShIt, It's jUsT HoW We gEt dOwN. aIn't lIkE ThE ThReShEcUtIoNeRs aRe aNy dIfFeReNt.   
CG: OK, YEAH, I KNOW.  
CG: BUT GOD DAMNIT GAMZEE, KEEP YOUR FUCKING PROTEIN CHUTE SHUT FROM NOW ON. EVERY TIME YOU TALK IT'S LIKE YOU'RE BEGGING TO BE CULLED FOR HAVING NO DISCERNMENT WHATSOEVER.   
TC: CaN Do, BeSt fRiEnD   
CG: SO WHEN CAN YOU GET BACK ONLINE?  
CG: LIKE I SAID, I HAVE TO ASK YOU SOMETHING AND I REALLY DON'T FEEL COMFORTABLE SAYING IT WHILE YOU'RE ON TEREZI'S COMPUTER.  
CG: ALSO, TAVROS HAS BEEN PESTERING THE SHIT OUT OF ME TO GET IN TOUCH WITH YOU. I SWEAR I COULD JUST ABOUT MURDER THE COMMON COMMA.   
TC: HaHaHa  
TC: YoU TeLl mY MaIn mAn i'lL Be bAcK AfTeR ThE TrIaL.  
TC: gUeSs tHiS WiCkEd uNjUsT MoThErFuCkEr wHaT TeReZi wAnTs mE To cUlL Is a bIg aLl mOtHeRfUcKiN DeAl? PaYaSo's gOnNa lAy oFf.  
TC: I PuT On a gOoD EnOuGh sHoW, bRoThEr'lL PrObAbLy eVeN FoRgEt aLl tHaT OtHeR StUfF He wAs gEtTiN HiS HaRsH On aBoUt aT Me.   
CG: I GUESS THAT'S A RELIEF.   
TC: So hOw's tAv?   
CG: LAST I HEARD FROM HIM HE SEEMED OK. SO FUCKING HIGH ON LIFE IT WAS LIKE TALKING TO YOU, BUT OK.  
CG: THE PROSTHETICS WERE A HIT, BASICALLY.   
TC: WeLl pRaIsE ThE MeSsIaHs bRo.  
TC: hOnK HoOoOnK.   
CG: YEAH, SURE, PRAISE BE TO THE CLOWNS. LISTEN GAMZEE. IS TEREZI READING OVER YOUR SHOULDER OR ANYTHING?   
TC: NaH, sHe's oVeR At hEr dEsK WrItIn sHiT DoWn.  
TC: SiStEr's rEaL MoThErFuCkIn cUtE WhEn sHe cOnCeNtRaTeS LiKe tHaT  
TC: KiNdA StIcKs HeR ToNgUe oUt lIkE  
TC: FuUuUcK, a lItTlE GeCkO Or sOmEtHiNg hAhA HoNk  
CG: GAMZEE.  
CG: GAMZEE FOCUS.  
TC: RiGhT SoRrY  
CG: SO I CAN'T TALK TO YOU IN PRIVATE UNTIL MONDAY NIGHT.  
CG: I DON'T THINK I HAVE THAT LONG, SO...  
CG: OK FUCK, CAN YOU DELETE THIS CHAT FROM TEREZI'S LOGS WHEN WE'RE DONE HERE?  
CG: I DON'T MEAN JUST EXIT OUT OF THE WINDOW, I MEAN SERIOUS EXCAVATION AND DEMOLITION. SHE CAN NEVER EVER FIND THIS.  
TC: UuUuUh  
TC: I GuEsS So?  
CG: THIS IS STUPID, WHY AM I ASKING YOU ABOUT THIS ON HER COMPUTER?  
CG: OK, THIS CAN'T WAIT UNTIL AFTER THE TRIAL, IT REALLY CAN'T.  
CG: I'M RUNNING OUT OF THAT STUFF YOU BOUGHT ME.  
TC: WhAt sTuFf?  
CG: NO.  
CG: FUCK NO, I AM NOT TYPING THIS OUT WHILE YOU'RE SITTING IN THE SAME ROOM AS TEREZI JUSTICE-CRAZED PYROPE.  
CG: THAT FUCKING STUFF, YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS.  
TC: oOoOoOh!  
TC: YeAh kArKaT, dIdN'T YoU TeLl mE To uP AnD FoRgEt tHaT MoThErFuCkIn cOnVeRsAtIoN EvEr hApPeNeD?  
CG: WELL WE'RE TAKING A FIVE MINUTE BREAK FROM FORGETTING, SO GO AHEAD AND REMEMBER THE SHIT OUT OF THAT.  
CG: DO YOU THINK YOU CAN  
CG: I DUNNO, GET ME SOME MORE?  
CG: I MEAN OUT HERE IN THE EMPIRE I COULD PROBABLY FIND A DEALER, BUT THAT'S KIND OF A TERRIFYING THOUGHT.  
TC: I DoN'T KnOw...  
CG: WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T KNOW.  
TC: I DoN'T KnOw!  
CG: NO, NO, WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T KNOW??  
TC: I SoRtA BeEn dOiNg mY ReSeArCh. ThIs cRiMiNaL TeReZi's aLl sTeAmEd aT? hE WaS On cHrOmOmInE.  
TC: I MeAn oN ThAt sTuFf wE AiN'T MeNtIoNiN By nAmE AlL On aCcOuNt oF TeReZi bEiNg aRoUnD.  
CG: WELL THAT PLAN JUST HIT THE THRESHER, DIDN'T IT.  
TC: SoOoOoOrRy bRo  
TC: BuT He wAs oN ThAt sTuFf. So hE CoUlD PrEtEnD To bE A FiShBrOtHeR.  
CG: SO WHAT?  
TC: So sAy wHaT YoU WaNt aBoUt sOpOr mAn bUt aT LeAsT ThAt sHiT'S MoThErFuCkIn lEgAl!  
TC: YoU DiDn't tElL WhAt tHiS WaS YoU WeRe aLl gEtTiN InTo! MoThErFuCkIn lEfT Me iN ThE DaRk oN ThAt sHiT!  
TC: YoU CoUlD GeT CuLlEd, BrOtHeR! dAaAaMn, If i wAs aNy kInD Of dEcEnT LaUgHsAsSiN I'D CuLl yOu mYsElF! i cAn't gEt yOu nO MoRe.  
CG: NO  
TC: I MoThErFuCkIn wOn't gEt yOu nO MoRe.  
CG: NO NO NO NO NO NO GAMZEE NO  
CG: YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, I NEED THIS. I FUCKING NEED THIS. I CAN'T GO BACK NOW, MY OFFICIAL RECORDS ALREADY SAY I'M A YELLOWBLOOD.  
CG: IF I GET STABBED IN TRAINING ONE NIGHT AND BLEED ANYTHING OTHER THAN BANANA YELLOW-GREEN I WILL BE CULLED.  
CG: DO YOU WANT ME TO BE CULLED, GAMZEE? IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT??  
TC: nO  
CG: BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE EFFECTIVELY DOING HERE.  
TC: No nO No kArKaT I DoN'T WaNt tHaT No  
CG: YOU'RE CULLING ME. YOU ARE FUCKING CULLING ME.  
TC: FUCK SHIT OKAY  
TC: ShIt, OkAy.  
TC: LeT'S JaW AbOuT ThIs. We cAn mOtHeRfUcKiNg jAw aBoUt tHiS.  
CG: ALRIGHT.  
TC: AiGhT.  
TC: JuSt  
TC: wE CaN Up aNd bE FiGuRiN ThIs oUt.  
CG: I JUST NEED A LEGAL WAY TO DO THIS.  
CG: AND IT IS LEGAL, MAN. AS LONG AS YOU'RE THE ONE BUYING IT, I'M NOT TECHNICALLY BREAKING ANY LAWS.  
TC: ExCePt fOr yOu'rE LyInG AbOuT YoUr bLoOd cOlOr. :o(  
CG: NO, SEE, THAT'S NOT LYING. THAT'S FAILING TO FIX A CLERICAL ERROR ON MY PAPERWORK.  
CG: NOT MY FAULT IF THE RECRUITINATOR WROTE DOWN THE WRONG COLOR, RIGHT?  
TC: i gUeSs i cAn bE DoWn wItH ThAt.  
TC: BuT ShIiIt kArKaT, hOw'd yOu rUn aLl oUt aLrEaDy? ThErE WaS A LoT Of pIlLs iN ThAt cLiNkY LiTtLe bOtTlE.  
TC: HoW MuCh dId yOu tAkE?  
CG: JUST A PILL A NIGHT, UNLIKE YOU I'M NOT FUCKING BRAINDEAD.  
CG: THEY PROBABLY WOULD HAVE LASTED LONGER IF I HADN'T LOST IT LIKE A WRIGGLER AND TAKEN SO MANY BEFORE RECRUITMENT.  
CG: THAT WAS A STUPID THING TO DO, I ADMIT. I WAS SHAKING SO BADLY I COULD BARELY DO THE TRIALS, I GUESS I'M JUST LUCKY THAT SOLLUX TOLD EVERYONE IT WAS NERVES.  
TC: YoU'Re lUcKy yOu aIn't dEaD.  
CG: DON'T.  
CG: YOU ARE THE LAST PERSON I NEED TO HEAR THIS LECTURE FROM. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WERE SOBER?  
TC: UuUuUuUh  
CG: EXACTLY.  
CG: JUST GET ME MORE, ALRIGHT? AND WHEN YOU MAIL IT, DON'T PUT MY NAME ON THE PACKAGE. TEREZI RECENTLY TAUGHT ME A VALUABLE LESSON ABOUT THE SAD LACK OF POSTAL PRIVACY AROUND HERE.  
CG: IF SOMEBODY ELSE GETS THEIR CLAMMY SNATCH DIGITS ON IT FIRST I'LL NEED SOME PLAUSIBLE DENIABILITY.  
CG: FUCKING BLUEBLOODS.  
TC: YeAH  
TC: LoOk tHiS  
TC: ThIs aIn't cHiLl.  
TC: I'Ll gEt yOu oNe mOrE BoTtLe bUt tHaT'S GoTtA Be tHe fUcKiN EnD Of iT.  
TC: I DoN'T WaNnA SeE A BrO GeT MeSsEd uP LiKe  
TC: I JuSt dOn't wAnNa sEe yOu gEt mEsSeD Up, YoU KnOw?  
CG: I GET IT, GAMZEE.  
CG: I JUST NEED TO GET THROUGH TRAINING. ONCE I'M STATIONED IN THE 1025 BARRACKS I WON'T BE SPARRING ALL THE TIME AND I WON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT PEOPLE SEEING ME BLEED.  
CG: THEN I'M DONE. I SWEAR.  
TC: BiTcHiN. :o)  
TC: Oh fUuUuUcK  
CG: WHAT?  
TC: TeReZi's lOoKiNg aT Me.  
TC: Or uH  
TC: SnIfFiNg aT Me, HaHa hOnK  
TC: WhAt iF ShE WaNtS HeR GrUbToP BaCk?  
CG: ACT CASUAL.  
CG: JUST ACT SO FUCKING NONCHALANT YOU COULD MELT INTO A PUDDLE ON THE FLOOR, BUT DO NOT GIVE HER THE GRUBTOP.  
CG: YOU NEED TO DELETE THIS CONVERSATION LOG.  
TC: AiGhT, ThAt's cOoL. hOw dO I Do tHaT?  
TC: ShE'S WaLkInG OvEr mAn sHe iS MoThErFuCkInG WaLkInG OvEr  
CG: OK, ACT CASUAL, ACT CASUAL.  
CG: FIND THE TAB IN THE FOLDSPACE MENU THAT SAYS "SAVED LOGS."  
TC: HeY KaRkAt  
TC: YoU EvEr nOtIcE HoW, lIkE, gIrLs' HiPs sOrTa gOt tHiS SwAY GoIn oN WhEn tHeY WaLk?  
CG: OH FUCK, NOT THAT CASUAL.  
TC: HoW CoMe gUyS' hIpS DoN'T Do tHaT? wHo uP AnD DeCiDeD ThE SiStErS GoTta hAvE A WaVy wAlK?  
CG: GAMZEE DON'T SPACE OUT, YOU'RE SPACING OUT, THIS IS A REALLY FUCKING TERRIBLE TIME FOR YOU TO BE SPACING OUT.  
TC: It's jUsT LiKe  
CG: A MIRACLE, YES, IT'S A BEAUTIFUL ACT OF CLOWN GOD.  
CG: NOW GET YOUR COLANDER OF A FUCKING THINKPAN BACK HERE BEFORE TEREZI TAKES THE COMPUTER!!  
TC: oH  
TC: Oh yEaH YeAh sAvEd lOgS WhErE ThE FuCk Is sAvEd lOgS  
TC: WaIt nO ShE'S  
CG: GAMZEE?

\-- terminallyCapricious [TC] changed their handle to gallowsCalibrator [GC] \--

CG: WELL SHIT.   
GC: SORRY K4RK4T 1 N33D3D TH3 COMPUT3R >:/  
GC: YOU TWO H4V3 C3RT41NLY B33N T4LK1NG FOR 4 LONG T1M3   
CG: HAHAHA, YEAH! YEAH WE HAVE!  
CG: WE JUST HAD A LOT OF CATCHING UP TO DO, ABOUT, YOU KNOW, REALLY FUCKING PRIVATE AND PERSONAL STUFF THAT ONLY A COMPLETE BULGESUCKING NOOKSTAIN WOULD BE DISGUSTING ENOUGH TO MEDDLE IN.   
GC: 1S TH4T SO >:] >:] >:]  
GC: SO 1 PROB4BLY SHOULD NOT SCROLL UP 4ND T4K3 4 GOOD LONG L1CK OF TH1S OH-SO-PR1V4T3 CONV3RS4T1ON   
CG: NOPE THAT'S DEFINITELY NOT A THING YOU SHOULD DO   
GC: R34LLY   
CG: REALLY!   
GC: K4RK4T YOU S33M T3NS3   
CG: NO I'M NOT TENSE, I'M FINE, EVERYTHING IS FINE, EVERYTHING IS GREAT.  
CG: I'M GREAT.  
CG: YOU'RE GREAT.  
CG: THE WORLD IS JUST SO FUCKING GREAT RIGHT NOW.  
CG: LET'S HAVE A LONG MEANDERING CONVERSATION ABOUT HOW GREAT EVERYTHING IS.  
CG: HOW ABOUT JUSTICE? WE CAN TALK ABOUT JUSTICE!! JUSTICE IS GREAT!!!!!   
GC: H3H3H3H3 W3LL 4S GR34T 4S JUST1C3 1S 1 F1ND YOUR SUDD3N 1NT3R3ST 1N 1T V3RY SUSP1C1OUS >:P  
GC: OH G33Z3 HOLD ON G4MZ33S DO1NG SOM3TH1NG W31RD.  
GC: BL4R, WH4T 1S H3  
GC: PQG19[JUNF'ON  
GC: IJFTVY  
GC: [8u99999999999999999999999999999999999

\-- gallowsCallibrator [GC]'s computer has been clubbed into scrap metal! --

CG: OH THANK CLOWN GOD.

 

 

\-- arachnidsGrip [AG] opened private chat with centaursTesticle [CT] \--

\-- centaursTesticle [CT] joined private chat --

AG: Heeeeeeeey Equiuuuuuuuus.  
AG: Guess what?   
CT: D --> What   
AG: I just got me a m8sprit.  
AG: A totally handsome tough non-crippled m8sprit named Tavros Nitram.   
CT: D --> Ick  
CT: D --> Your obsession with pursuing these worthless lowb100ds is detestable as always   
AG: Says the guy who's crushing hard on Aradia. You 8n't in no position to judge me!   
CT: D --> That accusation is baseless slander   
AG: Equius.  
AG: You're not fooling anyone. Eeeeeeeevery8ody knoooooooows.  
AG: 8ut who cares a8out Aradia. Tavros and I are going to 8e the perfect fairytale m8sprits like in one of his crappy stories.   
CT: D --> I doubt that   
AG: >::::/   
CT: D --> In all likelihood you will bicker e%cessively over pointless topics until one of you winds up dead  
CT: D --> It's how your relationships tend to go   
AG: Woooooooow, rude much?  
AG: Tavros and I are in pity and we're a8solutely going to make this work. I don't remem8er it 8eing any of your 8usiness who I 8icker with!!!!!!!!   
CT: D --> Ah  
CT: D --> Yes  
CT: D --> Your bickering is  
CT: D --> None of my business   
AG: Man, what is with you lately?   
CT: D --> There is nothing with me   
AG: Ugh, whateeeeeeeever.  
AG: I just thought I'd let you know so you can help spread the news around. I want every8ody to hear a8out this. Eeeeeeeevery8ody!!!!!!!!  
AG: You can tell Nepeta! I 8et she'll 8e scram8ling to get us all officialized on her wall.   
CT: D --> Was that all you wanted   
AG: So eager to get rid of me, huh? 8ut actually, no!  
AG: The real reason I got ahold of you was to send you the latest version of the IG soundfile. I took out a 8unch more of the middle frequencies and I figured we could test it out.   
CT: D --> E%cellent   
AG: Eeeeeeeexcellent!

\-- arachnidsGrip [AG] sent centaursTesticle [CT] the file: invertedglu8version35.psi --

CT: D --> I will begin activating the device immediately   
AG: Oh hey, I've 8een meaning to ask you.  
AG: How the heck are you getting away with making this thing in the middle of 8oot camp, anyway?  
AG: If you're not 8eing careful we could 8oth end up waist deep in crap, you know!   
CT: D --> I requested a small workspace adjacent to the metalshop, so that I could continue my roboti% work  
CT: D --> It was intended that I share it with several other ruffiannihilators  
CT: D --> But they informed me that I could have the space to myself   
AG: Ahahahahahahahaha! I 8et they did, after they saw one of your sick ro8ot death matches. Way to chase them off!   
CT: D --> I was actually just putting up some posters   
AG: XXXXD  
AG: Smooooooooth.   
CT: D --> The IG's speakers are primed  
CT: D --> I must point out that as we make changes to this file it effe% my level of the hemospectrum less and less  
CT: D --> There is only so much longer I will make for a viable test subject  
CT: D --> We are fast approaching the realm of guesswork   
AG: I keep saying we should get Gamzee in here.   
CT: D --> And I keep saying  
CT: D --> No  
CT: D --> We have no right to imperil his life, it is more valuable than ours   
AG: Yeah right!!!!!!!!   
CT: D --> You will stop asking  
CT: D --> Before I run the audio file, tell me what to e%pect   
AG: Oh, right.  
AG: I think I've mostly knocked out our part of the hemospectrum. At this point we're reeeeeeeeally close to targeting nothing 8elow indigo.  
AG: So if I did this right, which come on, of coooooooourse I did! You'll pro8a8ly just get a really nasty headache.   
CT: D --> Yes  
CT: D --> That's good, that's progressive to our goal   
AG: Pfffffffft, yeah, sure.   
CT: D --> What's that supposed to mean   
AG: Just that it's no wonder you don't want to get another test su8ject! You're having too much fun taking it like a gross masochist.   
CT: D --> I am not   
AG: Yes you are.   
CT: D --> No  
CT: D --> I am doing my duty and you will act more professionally about it  
CT: D --> Now be silent while I begin the test run  
CT: D --> Oh goodness you were right about the headache   
AG: Yeah, have fun with that "duty" you sicky sick sicko.   
CT: D --> Some of those weren't even real words   
AG: Admit it! You enjoy torturing yourself with this thing! You are soooooooo disgusting.   
CT: D --> Do stop typing  
CT: D --> This is  
CT: D --> Painful enough without talking to you   
AG: Admiiiiiiiit it.  
AG: Say "I'm a sicky sick sickoooooooo!"   
CT: D --> Are you  
CT: D --> Seriously attempting to a%cess my head in the middle of a weapons test  
CT: D --> Is that what you're doing right now   
AG: Of course not. Why would I do that????????   
CT: D --> You are  
CT: D --> I can feel you  
CT: D --> You are going to skew our test results with this f001ish game and you will cease at once   
AG: Don't get all riled up, Sweatquius, I'm just messing around! If you get to have fun during these tests then I should get to have fun too.   
CT: D --> Get out of my head  
CT: D --> Your powers don't work on me and the fact that you are trying is infantile and stupid   
AG: The fact that you're getting off on 8lasting yourself with a superweapon is infantile and stupid.   
CT: D --> I am not   
AG: Infantile and stupid and siiiiiiiick.   
CT: D --> Stop  
CT: D --> Wait  
CT: D --> Wait, no, continue   
AG: Um, what?  
AG: Eeeeeeeew, now you're getting off on me 8eing grossed out 8y you getting off, aren't you!   
CT: D --> No  
CT: D --> Er  
CT: D --> Maybe  
CT: D --> But I was referring to your mind powers  
CT: D --> Are you still using them   
AG: Yeah. Why?   
CT: D --> It doesn't hurt anymore   
AG: ::::?   
CT: D --> The IG  
CT: D --> From the moment you began trying to control me psionically  
CT: D --> It stopped hurting  
CT: D --> What did you do   
AG: Nothing!  
AG: Or uh, nothing different that usual? Just fidding around with your head like I always do to people.  
AG: Are you suuuuuuuure you didn't just accidentally turn it off or something dum8 like that?   
CT: D --> I am certain   
AG: May8e you got sweat all over it and it shorted out.   
CT: D --> The device is still running  
CT: D --> Still broadcasting sound waves   
AG: Wow, that's weeeeeeeeird! Lemme ditch your head and see what happens.   
CT: D --> AH  
CT: D --> Yes  
CT: D --> Yes It hinkwe can assume the variabl  
CT: D --> Dashitall  
CT: D --> The variable effecting things in this instance was your inf100ence   
AG: Headache's 8ack?   
CT: D --> With a vengeance   
AG: Holy shit.   
CT: D --> I am shutting down the IG  
CT: D --> Do make an attempt to guard your filthy tongue   
AG: No really, holy shit.  
AG: I just nullified the Inverted Goddamn Glu8 with my 8rain!!!!!!!!   
CT: D --> Don't flatter yourself  
CT: D --> If I were to guess I'd say your pathetic attempt at manipulation disrupted the signal  
CT: D --> I don't know how or to what e%tent  
CT: D --> I'm not even sure if that's what happened   
AG: 8ut if that iiiiiiiis what happened, do you know what this means????????   
CT: D --> No   
AG: Me neither!  
AG: 8ut it's pro8a8ly something 8ig?  
AG: Oh man, do you think we can figure out what the heck that was and use it to insul8 Eridan and Feferi?  
AG: That way we wouldn't have to narrow it down to the Empress's 8lood color, we could just pooooooooint and shoooooooot!   
CT: D --> I think  
CT: D --> Oh goodness yes   
AG: Yeeeeeeees?   
CT: D --> The idea has a surprising amount of potential  
CT: D --> Miss Serket, for once you are a credit to your class  
CT: D --> We need to get in contact with the rest of our psionics  
CT: D --> We may have just perfected our superweapon

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Re: Champion](https://archiveofourown.org/works/175267) by [anonymousComrade](https://archiveofourown.org/users/anonymousComrade/pseuds/anonymousComrade)




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